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Pokemon Trainer Red
April 5th, 2005, 04:00 PM
Well i'm making other fic to replace the other one that i made here (the other chaps of that fic are in serebii) but anyway here i go:

Chapter One: The first encounter: Red and Gold!

It was a good day when Ash, May, Brendan and Yoshi were traveling in Orre and wondering how will be this new region when Yoshi asked:


Hey Ash have you got any idea of the new rules of this region?


Well. No Ash said


Brendan got out a book guide from his pack and he started to read:


Well here says that here you can make double Pokemon Gym Battles and also here are allowed Pokemon Contests too!


What? Pokemon Contests? Well Ill join them! Said May in a very happy tone.


Well Brendan which is the closest Pokemon Center? Ash asked.


Well in the map indicates that theres one around this forest And is close to us! Brendan said.


I think I can see it! Yoshi said


Lets try come on out Swellow! Ash said throwing a Pokeball realizing his Swellow.


Ok Swellow try to check wheres the Pokemon Center! Ash commanded.


Swellow! Yelled the Pokemon when it started to fly


After a few minutes Swellow returned and it started to point one direction.


Well lets go! Said Brendan when he started to run.


The last one is a Slowpoke! Yoshi yelled when he started to run.


Wait for me! Yelled Ash


Why me Said May


After a few moments they arrived the Pokemon Center and then Ash said:


We are finally here! Wow there are a lot of persons in this pokemon center!


Well we have to leave our Pokemon with the Nurse Joy dont you think? Said May


I wont do it because I will train with my Pokemon now! Said Yoshi


Ill follow you! Said Ash when they got out to the forest and they got deep in the forest.


Well I think I will get some rest! Said Brendan when he went to their room
and get on a bed and started to sleep.


May started to think:


Well what now well I think and start to train with my Pokemon! After that May got out and started to train with her pokemon


Three hours later and Ash, Yoshi and May still keep training when Brendan got up and started to search them when he founded them. In the pokemon center?:


Hey Ash, Yoshi wait Ash why the new clotes and Yoshi why the goggles?


What do you mean? My name is not Ash! My name is Red and i always wear this clotes! Said the guy who was a bit identical with Ash


Hey I always used goggles and my name is Gold! Said the guy who was in fact really identical to Yoshi.


Brendan gasped and he thinked:


They must be playing me a joke!


Then Ash and Yoshi arrived to the pokemon center and Brendan was confused.


What? No way! But Ash and Yoshi were here!


To be continued


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Well... what do you think? I hope you liked it! and i know that there are some mistakes... anyone can give me a hand?

Frostweaver
April 5th, 2005, 04:10 PM
A good start will be reading the huge sticky with the word "READ FIRST" on it... I think that the sticky alone already predicted 90% of the things that this fanfic needs to improve on already. Reading the other stickies as well as reading the Fanfics of the Week/Standard of Excellence Award winner, then comparing what those fanfics have that you do not will also help quite a bit. There's always the Complete Fanfic Analysis to see what makes up a good fanfic.

Pokemon Trainer Red
April 5th, 2005, 04:14 PM
Er.... what do you mean (a bit shorter please)

oni flygon
April 5th, 2005, 04:41 PM
Frosty means that you should practice a bit on writing. Read the sticked threads. Here they are:

http://pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=27806
http://pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=15662
http://pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=29844

Pokemon Trainer Red
April 5th, 2005, 04:44 PM
Ok *starts reading* uhuh... yeah... ok....

Pokemon Trainer Red
April 22nd, 2005, 05:26 PM
Let's get started with the 2nd chap (maybe some mistakes anyway here i go!)

Chapter two: Who's who?

Brendan was totaly confused when he was watching Red and Gold and thinking:

"Wow they are very similar to Ash and Yoshi! I must be dreaming!"

Then Ash got closer to Brendan and he asked:

"Hey Brendan? what's going on?"

"I think i'm nuts!" Brendan said. "Look at those guys!" Brendan pointed to Red and Gold. "They are pretty similar to you!" He said. "Try talking with them"

"I'll talk with them" Ash said when he got closer to Red and Gold when Gold yelled:

"Ahh! hey Red he looks like you! Except a bit by the hair.... but he's like you!"

"No way! he's maybe like me but that doesn't make him better in Pokemon Battles!" Red said in an angry tone

"Hi! that guy told me to talk with you and well i want to know about you! Well i'll introduce myself i'm Ash Ketchum from Pallet Town!" Ash said when Red gasped for a moment and started to think:

"He's from pallet too! maybe he's the kid who didn't got up early!"

"Well? how about you?" Said Ash when he was talking with Gold

"Hi i'm Gold from New Bark Town!" Gold said

"Nice like Yoshi!" Ash said

"It's my turn: I'm Red from Pallet Town too!" Red Said

"Oh! then you maybe are one of the trainers who got their starter before Gary right?" Ash said.

"Gary... that guy.... yeah! that guy! he come here after i got my Bulbasaur!" Red said in a happy tone.

"Well how about a Pokemon Battle?" Ash asked Red and Gold.

"Ok! but how about a double battle?" Red said.

"Ok! but i need a partner... i know! Hey Yoshi! come here!" Ash yelled when Yoshi came and Red said to Gold:

"He looks like you!"

"o_o Yeah! he will be his partner?" Gold said


"Hey Ash what's going...." Yoshi stopped at the same time that he and Gold were watching each other.

"Well... let's go out then!" Said Ash when Red, Gold and Yoshi started to follow him.

Back with May.....

"Ok Beautifly try your Silver wind!" May ordered her Pokemon

"Beautifly!" The pokemon yelled when a girl felt down from a tree.

"Ahh!" May yelled when she got closer to the girl.

"Err.. are you ok? Does your feet hurt?" May asked when the girl got up her face and both yelled:

"Ahhh! you are! identical to me!" Both Said in unsion.

"Hey Sapphire! I told you this: Don't do that!" Said a voice of a male who reached the girl.

"What Brendan? What are you doing here?" Said May very confused.

"Brendan? My name's not Brendan! My name's Ruby!" The boy said.

"o_o and you are...."

"Sapphire! i'm Sapphire and i'm traveling with Ruby, Red and Gold!" The girl said

"Red and Gold? Who are them?" May asked very confused.

"Oh sorry! i'll present them to you! Follow me!" Sapphire said when she jumped to the trees and go vine by vine like Tarzan (XD wow!)

"Oh no! i hope that she doesn't get hurt!" Ruby said while May was amazed.

"Does she always do that?" May asked.

"Yeah actually she likes to do that!" Ruby said when he started to run. "Hey come here or you will stay there all the time?"

May gasped and she started to run.

Meanwhile in the pokemon center:

Brendan was totaly freaked out by what did he saw when he saw May? entering to the pokemon center.

"May you are here! where were you?" Brendan yelled

"Hey my name's not May! My name's Sapphire!" Sapphire yelled.

Brendan thinked:

"Yup this is a dream!"

Then Ruby and May arrived and Brendan thinked again:

"Well i have no more to say than this: Is this true????"

"Where are Red and Gold?" Ruby asked.

"I know!" Brendan said. "He and his friend went to the forest to battle Ash and Yoshi!"

"Ash and Yoshi? who are them?" Sapphire asked.

"Oh! they are our friends who were traveling with us!" Brendan answered

"Are they strong trainers?" Sapphire asked.

"Yeah actually" May said.

"Where did they go?" Ruby asked.

"Follow me!" Brendan said when May, Ruby and Sapphire followed him and founded them about to start the battle.

"Hey May Brendan!" Ash and Yoshi yelled.

"Ruby, Sapphire! you are in time!" Red and Gold yelled too.

"What? Hey those kids looks like..." Ash said

"We know... like us!" Brendan said.

"Well we changed our minds: how about: a four vs four battle? one trainer per team!" Red said.

"Agreed!" Ash said very confident.

Which will be the rules? Which trainer will go first for each team? Will i get better in my english? All that and more questions in the next chap!

To Be Continued...

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Well as you can see i put some jokes in it but well.... what do ya say?
when you end reading this part i will put the next one tomorrow (saturday)