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愛Forgotten Angel愛
April 23rd, 2005, 10:27 PM
Warning: This will have a lot of dialouge in it. So if you want a lot of details, read another story. (Around Chapter Four it'll have more detail.)

Chapter One

I looked around and sighed. There was no one but Ryan outside with me. He didn't know I was out here though. I decided to gamble by speaking with him.

"Ryan?"

"What?"

"Do you know who I am?"

"No."

"Do you care?"

"No."

"Would you like to know who I am?"

"Yes..."

"My name is...Selena..."

He shifted out of his chair and ran toward where he thought I was.

"Stop playing tricks, Jenny."

"My name is Selena, not Jenny."

"You're, you're lying. She died a long time ago in a car chrash."

"If I were to show you my form, would you believe me?"

"...Yes..."

I stepped out of the shadows and into the porch light. My black form stood out, even at night. I got closer to Ryan.

"You...are real?"

"Jacka**es are people who don't believe what they see."

"You're just a black figure, I can't tell if you are really her."

"That's no reason to say I'm not real. Would blue be better, or maybe red?"

Ryan stared at me and didn't say anything. He clutched the small table hard enough to make his knucles white. He looked away and then back at me.

"Why did you come back? You're not supposed to be here, and you of all people should know it."

"Do you really want to know that?"

"Don't play around with me."

"I came back...to destroy the world. Well, not the world, just everything living on it..."

Kyosuke
April 24th, 2005, 09:12 AM
This is really interesting, by first glance there dousn't seem to be much content, but when you read it its a lot more indepth with the storyline of a ghost coming back from the dead. And at the end where she mentions the reason why she returned... its a great cliffhanger! XD

Hope to see more ^^

愛Forgotten Angel愛
April 24th, 2005, 03:53 PM
Thanks for the compliment!
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Chapter Two

Ryan gawked at me, and then he started mumbling.

"I told you what you wanted to know. Now, if you excuse me, I'm leaving."

"No, you're not!"

"Shut up. I didn't exactly get the welcome I had hoped for."

"Selena, what the h*** do you mean?"

"What do you think I mean? I came back to destroy every living thing. If you don't think that I can, well, you'll be the last one I kill..."

"Oh, I thought you meant...that you were going to kill every one but me..."

"Shut up!"

"Don't act like that!"

"I can act however I choose!"

"WHY? BECAUSE YOU'RE A F***ING GHOST? WELL, IF THAT'S YOUR REASON, THEN, then GO TO H***!"

"SHUT THE F*** UP! I DON'T CARE ABOUT ANYONE ANYMORE! NOBODY CARED ABOUT ME! EVEN, EVEN WHEN YOU HAD ME IT JUST WASN'T ENOUGH WAS IT! I JUST WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH, IS THAT IT?"

"YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING! THEY WERE ALL LIES! THAT IS WHAT THEY WERE! I DIDN'T DO THAT! SHUT UP, shut up!"

I stared at him. My mind raced. If you know how it feels to be angry, really angry, at someone, though, you just don't drop it.

"I. HATE. YOU!"

"You, you really mean that?"

My heart began to race along with my mind, and then I started to cry. My cold, black fingers whiped away the tears as I fell to the ground. The only thing that kept me from stopping what I was going to do was that I had felt hate before. I had died hating Ryan. Even if I wanted it with all my heart, I would never have the feelings I did before my death.

"I am sorry, but it is true. I'll, I'll never love you again!" I screamed as I disolved into the night.

"Then, I will stop you. Even if I die and go to h*** with you..."

fuzzywuzzy
May 22nd, 2005, 02:17 PM
Great story can't wait for the next chapter.

DarkCircuit
May 22nd, 2005, 04:39 PM
Interesting plot. Right now I think you're doing a beautiful job writing the story. One thing I think you could work on is adding more than dialogue. Of course, this story looks rather sylized as pretty much the first two chapters are nothing but, except that the plotline deserves attention. You've made this in-depth enough for readers to really want, and to expect more. Try just making your chapters longers so that you can fit more in.

You're doing an awesome job. Honestly, I look forward to the next chapter. That's not to be taken lightly.