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Triaspia
May 6th, 2005, 03:21 AM
Hi this is my first fic so please be nice

January 1st, 2137, 12:00 am

Dear journal
The fire-works outside could not have come at a greater time. We have just created the worlds first Poke-Humans. The Poke-Humans are a cross between a human and a Pokemon. I must be going now one of the Poke-Human is waking up.

DR Morphious
Head resercher of team rocket

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The first thing I saw, when I opened my eyes was bright lights. As my eyes focused I noticed I was in a lab of some sort. The walls were white, and the colours form outside shone on them like they had just been painted. there was a hospital like smell in the air which was 10 times stronger then I remember it.

Thats when I saw something unusual on one of the moniters near where I was laying. It showed a picture of a human changeing form into a houndoom. Suddenly weird images poped into my head. As they faded I began to realise where I was. I was in a reserch lab and that person on the monitor was me.

I quickly kicked of the sheet and looked at myself. My top half was normal except my muscels were larger. But the joy from that ended when I got an itch behind my ear and I realised I was scratching it with my hands infrount of my face. When I looked down where my legs were suppost to be only to be greeted by thick black fur.

At that moment The door opened and a group of people in a white coats came in. "What have you done to me" I shouted at them, rage building inside me. "You are one of the first surviving bio-geneticaly modified Poke-human" said the nearest person as he tried to approch me. "STAY BACK" I screamed at him, flames erupting from my mouth before there was a sharp pain in my side and everything went black



End of chapter
so what did you guys think? This is most likely the only chapter to be writen in this perspective as it only had one peson to cover. Tips and Constructive Critisisim welcome, Flames and Abuse will be Ignored and reported

thank you for reading
neomon

Alana
May 6th, 2005, 01:09 PM
Well it's pretty good neomon. The chapter needs to be longer adn I saw some spelling errors too. The grammers pretty good to. There are a few mistakes but that can be over looked. Apart from that it's a good start.

Logmon1
May 6th, 2005, 03:15 PM
I loved it! But isn't morphious fromMatrix? I under stand what you where going for with the Morph and all. 8/10

SilverBlaze09
May 6th, 2005, 04:21 PM
Grammar needs some work...


So does your spelling...

That post was way too short, even by prologue standards, which are pretty low to begin with...

However, I like the plot.

So, here's my review: Get a Beta. Add more description; instead of say 'changing into a Houndoom(capitalization)', describe it. Black dog. Orange muzzle. White stripes on back.

'See' the scene, then tell us what you see.

Oh, and capitalize all names, like Team Rocket, Houndoom, Pokemon, etc. SB

Abskull
May 6th, 2005, 04:24 PM
Just ignore pokedude55 (he rated it awful in the poll), he can't even capitalize.

Anyway, there are some tiny errors like
... with my hands infrount of my face.
Well, that's just a silly little mistake.

... normal except my muscels were larger.
To be perfectly honest... I don't know how to spell that either... but I think that's wrong. But I dunno.

Otherwise, it's a great story! Hopefully you can make it a bit longer!:D Please don't report me! I'm just trying to help!

Triaspia
May 6th, 2005, 06:10 PM
The post above is exactly how i would like my help posted Abskull could you pm me
To answer logmon1's question: I have never see the matrix, I called him 'Morph'ious so his name would tie in with the story better

Next chapter (Breaking Out) soon
untill then, keep morphing *dies from bad pun*

Electric Hero
May 6th, 2005, 10:43 PM
Well... the plot is really good. And the way you first write as a journal... is original. Well yea... some writers just miss a few letters or write something wrong... but it's normal. Just remember that practicing is the best way to get to the top, because you need it, or just for fun. And... well... just write longer chapters... not too long! but not just one paragraph either. Sorry if this is not the perfect reply you wanted to let you know your mistakes... sometimes I forget how to write with emotions...

But really good work! keep going.

Logmon1
May 11th, 2005, 02:05 PM
So are you gonna keep going?

Mr Cat Dog
June 2nd, 2005, 11:38 AM
Err... now really, that wasn't necessary was it?

oni flygon
June 2nd, 2005, 03:31 PM
http://www.pokecommunity.com/announcement.php?f=20&announcementid=144

*CLOSED*