PDA

View Full Version : Chapter 1: High in the sky


Soul Eater
May 7th, 2005, 11:02 AM
Its a short story XD

'I've always dreamed of flying in the sky with my Flygon and today she's gonna take me into the sky, are you ready flygon? "Flyeee!" Am i ever! Me and Flygon have been friends for a long time. Now its time that i went to the skies.......'

Kimi woke up that night, she dreamed of her beloved Flygon that passed away a year ago. She always took it hard, it wasnt the same with her.

Tears rolled down her eyes, "Flyeeee!" Flygon Squawked. "Flygon?" She called. "Fly!" Kimi looked up at her best friend. "Fly! Fly Fly!" Come with me! Kimi climbed on Flygon's back.

The dark blue sky seemed so beautiful and the stars were gorgeous, "Flygon i thought you died?" "Fly, Fly Fly Flyeee!" I'm not dead inside yo heart, but in life i am. "Yeah, I guess youre right! I'll always love you girl!" "Fly fly fly flyeeee!" I always love you too Kimi! Dont let that change! "I wont!"

Even though flygon did die Kimi knew from then on that Flygon would always be there, she looked over her in the deep blue sky everyday, and guided her through her troubles, cuz in Kimi's heart Flygon lived.

Rate Please ^_^

I tried my best XD

Better yet i think this goes in pokemon fanfics oops.....XD

Edit: can a mod are someone move this? XD i dodnt think of posting it in pokemon fics for some odd reason XD sorry~

LunaticSteven
May 7th, 2005, 11:07 AM
Wow, that was cool Kimi, good job 10/10 ^_^ ~Johnny~

Soul Eater
May 7th, 2005, 11:08 AM
Wow, that was cool Kimi, good job 10/10 ^_^ ~Johnny~


thanks uncle Johnny ^_^ But it should go in Pokemon Fanfiction XD its pokemon related

PrinceOfDarkness
May 7th, 2005, 11:12 AM
ya, ur right, but the mod will move it...whenever they get here, that sounded good Kimi ~Johnny~

Kyosuke
May 7th, 2005, 05:10 PM
7/10 For a short story it was good ^^, I liked the way you used a dream to remember the good times Kimi had with Flygon in a dream, then shifting the setting to make the readers know that Flygon passed away, and in a way its still with her (hope that wasn't too confusing XD).

But it would be better if it was a bit longer, and telling more about the past of both Flygon and Kimi and to why and how Flygon passed away.

And I'll move it for you ^^ *Moved*

Soul Eater
May 7th, 2005, 07:48 PM
7/10 For a short story it was good ^^, I liked the way you used a dream to remember the good times Kimi had with Flygon in a dream, then shifting the setting to make the readers know that Flygon passed away, and in a way its still with her (hope that wasn't too confusing XD).

But it would be better if it was a bit longer, and telling more about the past of both Flygon and Kimi and to why and how Flygon passed away.

And I'll move it for you ^^ *Moved*


Kimi is supposed to be me and my love for Flygon

Kyosuke
May 7th, 2005, 07:50 PM
I kinda figured you were refering to yourself, and your love for Flygon but I wasn't 100% sure so, I didn't mention it ^^ XD.

PrinceOfDarkness
May 7th, 2005, 07:53 PM
U've got ur luv for Flygon and I have my luv for Latias, *sighs* that's kawaii.

when r u gonna do the next chapter Kimi? ~Johnny~

Soul Eater
May 7th, 2005, 07:59 PM
dunno its gotta take alot of thinking XD

Electric Hero
May 13th, 2005, 05:54 PM
I must admit that it IS reaaally good. Just a little more of words, story, and just a little bit of drama and it would be PERFECT! but it deserves a 9/10. Really good.

Geometric-sama
May 13th, 2005, 08:33 PM
Um, it's a bit *too* short, needs more development and content, and fix the grammar. At the moment... about 3.5/10, maybe 4/10.

Orange_Flaaffy
May 15th, 2005, 03:46 PM
It is very short even for a short story. The feeling of love between the trainer and her pokemon is there, but a lot more depth and detail would work wonders for your idea. Grammer is an issue, and don't forget to use the capslock key when typing "I".
It's say your fic is an 2.5-3 as it is right now.