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PIKA POWER!
May 8th, 2005, 10:00 AM
Hutow takes place after Ash (FINALLY) beats the Hoenn League. Then the series starts off with a movie years after he beat the League. Ash is married to (take one guess...) Misty. They live in Pallet then they have a son and name him Ash also. But the movie starts off with the same exact scene as the very first episode of Pokemon (with the Game Boy thingy and the battle with that guys with the Nidorino and Onix.) Misty comes in give the same speech Ash's mom gave in the first episode. Ash Jr. give the same response and they switch to the channel with Prof. Oak (really old now) tells about the beginner Pokemon except this time, instead of Bulbasaur, Charmander, and Squirtle, he also has the other sets of starters, Johto and Hoenn! After the program, Ash Jr. goes to sleep as Misty walks over to a phone and dails, soon after we hear a way too familiar voice we all know... Turns out its Ash in the Hutow region. He's there to do work for Prof. Oak. And he's also there with Pikachu (who else would u think!).They talk about Ash Jr. and him starting his jouney tommorow. Ash then sends over a Pokeball with a "lightning bolt symbol" on it and tells Misty to give it to Prof. Oak with a set of instructions. He then tells Misty to turn off his Pokeball shaped alarm clock so he "wouldn't wake up on time"... (Sound kinda familiar?)

More to come l8ter!

oni flygon
May 8th, 2005, 10:15 AM
Please write in a better form of prose narrative. Add dialogue, description, etc. At least give more detail into this rather than a somewhat rushed summary of what you're talking about. Use paragraph form. Take off those things in the parentheses, and read the stickied topics in this forum. I hope for your improvement.

PIKA POWER!
May 8th, 2005, 10:23 AM
Please write in a better form of prose narrative. Add dialogue, description, etc. At least give more detail into this rather than a somewhat rushed summary of what you're talking about. Use paragraph form. Take off those things in the parentheses, and read the stickied topics in this forum. I hope for your improvement.k.. sorry... lol :P

Sesshomaru
May 9th, 2005, 05:45 PM
your story if pretty good but i just cant see ash and misty having a kid

SBaby
May 10th, 2005, 07:43 AM
This sounds more like a summary, rather than a prologue. I'd really need to see a prologue to get a feel for the story, but it sounds good in theory.

The only thing is you should have picked a League he hasn't visited yet. I doubt he's going to win the Hoenn League. Also, if he's using Pikachu's kid, I know that Pikachu would have issues with him being in a Poke-Ball, even if it's only for a little while. Of course, these are only minor...

PIKA POWER!
May 10th, 2005, 11:37 AM
This sounds more like a summary, rather than a prologue. I'd really need to see a prologue to get a feel for the story, but it sounds good in theory.

The only thing is you should have picked a League he hasn't visited yet. I doubt he's going to win the Hoenn League. Also, if he's using Pikachu's kid, I know that Pikachu would have issues with him being in a Poke-Ball, even if it's only for a little while. Of course, these are only minor...yea i kno sorry.. thats just the overview so far... ill start the real story l8ter... :P but no Ash Jr. isnt gonna use Pikachus kid... i wont tell you who though... this region's got 150 new pokemon... i thought of them all. so of the names are akward but... yea u get the pic... :D

Brendon
May 13th, 2005, 11:01 PM
Its a good story keep tellin it.

Yamato-san
May 14th, 2005, 08:49 AM
I thought I already advised you not to pull crap like back on Serebii. Not only is the story itself so unoriginal that it actually seems like a carbon clone of the anime only involving Satoshi's kid (your summary even states that the events from the beginning will be exactly like the anime), but it seems you're so lazy, you can't even post the first chapter of such a half-assed plot right away, you gotta resort to leaving up a summary for god knows how long. And here you are again, and apparently you still haven't got a first chapter. If you'll recall, your not having a first chapter resulted in the thread getting locked back on Serebii.

Brendon, Sesshomaru, anyone else, I know everyone has their own opinions and all, but geez, are you actually serious? As I said, this is definitely one of the most unoriginal pieces of excrement to ever plague a fanfiction forum. Please tell me you're just being nice to the author or something.

Pika Power, I say this for your own good. As it stands, people around these forums don't appreciate reading a typical journey fic that's exactly like an existing medium (games, anime, etc.) in several ways. I highly doubt your anime rip-off would do any better. Also, you shouldn't be receiving some mindless praise and no negative, but constructive, criticism. If that happened to you, then eventually, you'll end up in the same rut that Nekomajo Asunya's in.

Strawberry Delcatty
May 14th, 2005, 09:02 AM
I pretty much have to agree with Yamato-san here. I mean, if you receive nothing but "This fic is good" reviews and no constructive criticism, then you're in trouble and won't realize it until it's way too late. I'm surprised that my reputation isn't in the red now because of that one night about all my complaining about my accomplishments going down the drain. Then I realized that I haven't accomplished anything. I was just a lazy coward to had to rely on her fan club to start a war between two fan fic forums. Fortunately, everything was cleared up and I now learned that an author should put as much effort into a fan fic as possible. More effort leads to more rewards.

I seriously advise to redo your plot.

PIKA POWER!
May 14th, 2005, 10:18 AM
I thought I already advised you not to pull crap like back on Serebii. Not only is the story itself so unoriginal that it actually seems like a carbon clone of the anime only involving Satoshi's kid (your summary even states that the events from the beginning will be exactly like the anime), but it seems you're so lazy, you can't even post the first chapter of such a half-assed plot right away, you gotta resort to leaving up a summary for god knows how long. And here you are again, and apparently you still haven't got a first chapter. If you'll recall, your not having a first chapter resulted in the thread getting locked back on Serebii.

Brendon, Sesshomaru, anyone else, I know everyone has their own opinions and all, but geez, are you actually serious? As I said, this is definitely one of the most unoriginal pieces of excrement to ever plague a fanfiction forum. Please tell me you're just being nice to the author or something.

Pika Power, I say this for your own good. As it stands, people around these forums don't appreciate reading a typical journey fic that's exactly like an existing medium (games, anime, etc.) in several ways. I highly doubt your anime rip-off would do any better. Also, you shouldn't be receiving some mindless praise and no negative, but constructive, criticism. If that happened to you, then eventually, you'll end up in the same rut that Nekomajo Asunya's in.Hold it! Did i say i was done yet! I dont think so! Not every thing is gonna be the same as the original series on TV! Read the Reply i made to SBaby! then ull kinda understand! Gezze! Give it a chance! :tired: (for once!) i just havent had time lately to update my fic!

oni flygon
May 14th, 2005, 10:21 AM
Due to some rule changes that have just happened, I'll close fics like these until the author has improved in writing. =P

*CLOSED*