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Thomas
May 14th, 2005, 08:32 PM
Home Again

Been a long trip and I am beat
Just wanna relax and get off my feet
Walk through that front door
I am movin no more
Walk through the halls
I don't do anything at all
Lay down in my own bed
And this is what I said

I am finally home
I am now alone
No more screaming
Out my name
I can't hear outside these walls
So don't even bother to call

Take that remote off the shelf
Pop in a movie just for myself
Relaxing just fine
This is my own time
When that door is locked
Don't even try to knock
I have laid down in bed
You listen to me while i said

I am finally home
I am now alone
No more screaming
Out my name
I can't hear outside these walls
So don't even bother to call

Why do you keep trying
I'm not listening
I am just dying
Crying out
For peace
Crying out
For one moment
Crying out saying

I am finally home
I am now alone
No more screaming
Out my name
I can't hear outside these walls
So don't even bother to call

This is it I've had enough
Just peace and quiet
Forget about this stuff
I don't want to hear your voice
Just leave me to lye here
You have a choice
I had a long day
Now listen to me when I say

I am finally home
I am now alone
No more screaming
Out my name
I can't hear outside these walls
So don't even bother to call

FoxyVulpix
May 14th, 2005, 09:27 PM
That's a very interesting poem, Thomas. I must say its quite good... and it somewhat reminds me of the feelings that I feel when I get home from school. Lol. =)

Thomas
May 14th, 2005, 10:16 PM
I know songs are poems but just FYI..it is a song..i guess I should have specified that...

Natsuki
May 15th, 2005, 08:50 AM
Oooooh, this was a very nice song. ^____^ It's just too bad we can't hear the music that would've played with it. ;o; No matter, I could still get a great feel for the song. ^.~

I think some ways you can improve are to add more punctuation into your song. Not just at the ends of each line, but also within each line. ^^; Some of the words (like movin) should have an apostraphe at the end.

I'll use the word movin as an example. ^^ It should be spelled movin', to show that the word cuts off there but there's supposed to be more to it. ^__^

Other than punctuation I think your song is quite nice. ^^ Keep up the great work! ^__^

~Kelsey

Thomas
May 15th, 2005, 09:52 AM
Thanks for the comment, but I never use punctuation in my songs. There are many poets who used no or irregular punctuations...for instance..Emily Dickinson..