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Gohan
May 16th, 2005, 05:22 PM
Just came up with this. Critisisim welcome, enjoy.



Chapter One:

The boy with blood-red hair and deep, grey eyes walked through the dark alleyway, drenched in blood. Behind this scary looking character was a dead man, a gash running the length of his chest. Into the empty streets, through dark yards and abandoned houses. No one was out, it was well past minight. Finally after ten minutes of swift walking he stopped in front of a rundown muesem and entered through a broken window. Checking his watch he looked stiffly around and seeing the client walked forward.
" The deed has been done, now the payment, " the cold, red-haired killer said, in his smooth voice.
The client, a fat bald man with short, stubby legs stepped from behind a statue and nodded. He threw a hefty package to our cold murderer, which he caught. Leaving the scared man, our killer turned and left.
~~~~~~~~~~~~

Oh, Hi. I'm Ruby and I'm fourteen years old. In seventh grade and living in Kosuke Town. My friends and I, we all have jobs in an art shop. Living in Britain is an interesting experience being from Canada as I am. My friends Jase, Biole, Skippey, Streetel, Mantel, Rini, and Kaida work in the shop with me. I'm a nice kid, and I love games and music.
" Reeerrr.... " Ruby growled at this disgusting note he was writing. All the orphans had to fill this form in. As it happened Ruby and his friends were all having to be adopted.
A few minutes later Ruby handed in his report of himself to the head of the orphanage. Tomorrow a bunch of families were coming to meet the kids who needed adopted. Unfortunantly the eight friends were the only ones.Ruby sighed and filed into the boys' dorm after Jase. All the boys and the two girls - Rini and Kaida - were there.
" How'd it go last night Ruby? " Kaida asked. They all knew about the good job last night. They had all met at the art shop.
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Well, start reading! There's the first chapter for ya.

Miyu-chan
May 16th, 2005, 08:03 PM
Great job for your age. x3 I loved the attention getter, though pay attention to your comma usage. n__n

Can't wait for more. =)

Gohan
May 17th, 2005, 02:29 PM
Commas I hate them things. Thanks. I like smaller chapters cause I can't write bigger ones.

Chapter Two :

It was well past the time that everyone should be asleep in their beds when Ruby snuck out of the orphanage. It took a few minutes for him to get to the art shop which was about ten blocks away. Using the key he had that opened only the back door he stole into the shop. Grabbing a lantern and a few sheafs of paper he quietly entered the back room. Pulling up a loose floorboard and grabbing a key was easy for he had done this many times. After pulling a rug off to the side of the room to reveal a trapdoor he inserted the key and turned. The sound of old, creaky tumblers could be heard as they key kept turning. Finally there was a click! and Ruby strained to pull up the heavy trapdoor. Entering the hole and starting down the stairs he hung the key on a tired old peg inserted into a crack in the stone.
The inner chamber wasn't much bigger then the back room he had just been in and that was pretty small. A used wardrobe stood in the back half-hidden by a torn curtain.
~~~~~~~~~

1:00 A.M.

The murderer seemingly flew across gaps between buildings. Swiftly making his way to the charge was not always easy, so he had to practice a lot. Tonight he was wearing a black trenchcoat and black pants. He bore an expression of extreme annoyance. His partner was in the field with him today. The spiky yellow hair that made him look like a hedgehog could be seen miles away. A pure light seemed to radiate from this person. Ironically the red-haired boy radiated dark and evil energy. The partner was wearing a white trenchcoat and black pants. It didn't really matter because the coat was bit big so it hid most of his pants. Finally they reached the place where their charge was waiting and silently stole in through a window. Travelling through a maze of not too complex hallways they followed the person they were to kill wasn't doing much to improve the dark boy's mood. The pursued trapped himself in a dead end with no other hallways leading off. Having been confused by the seeming of hearing two sets of feet he had backed himself right into a corner. As both the dark and light put their hands into their coats and withdrew them the scared person was squeaking out words, to try and convince these two not to do anything to him. Bringing their hands out there was a glint of cold steel near both.
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Okay theres another chapter.

Gohan
May 17th, 2005, 05:41 PM
Please rate! Or at least post and totally tell me it killed your grandma's cat when the cat read it. Please!

fuzzywuzzy
May 22nd, 2005, 02:02 PM
this is a very interesting story. way to go.