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Soul Eater
May 20th, 2005, 04:27 PM
Chapter 1: Miss Lonely


Lonely im so lonely,
I have nobody,
To call my owwnnn
Im so lonely, im mr. Lonely
I have nobody,
To call my owwnnn
Im so lonely,


Abby Lockhart couldn't stop crying, she hated having a broken heart especially when it was Carter. She thought he loved her but he loved someone else she didnt realize how much it shattered her heart until now. Abby sat on her bed crying, she held on to her picture of him and her. She managed to pull herself together and go to work.

I woke up in the middle of the night and I noticed my boy wasn't by my side, coulda sworn I was dreamin, for him I was
Feenin, so I hadda take a little ride, back tracking ova these few years, tryna figure out wat I do to make it go bad, cuz
Ever since my boy left me, my whole left life came crashin


Abby got to work, things didnt seem better. She heard talk about Carter still and she went into the lounge and sat down and cried. One of her real close friends whos name was Ray came in, "You okay Abby?" He asked her. "No, Why does a broken heart hurt so much when someone you love is in love with someone else?" She sobbed. "You miss Carter dont you?" "More than anyone!" She said. Ray hugged her closely, "Shhh, Im here," "I feel so lonely!" "What about me? Your best friend?" Ray said, suprised. "Thats what i mean i have no one to call my own!" "I know what you mean, but i dont either. You wanted Carter to be yours didnt you?" "Yeah," "How come you didnt tell him?" "Cuz i didnt know how much i really liked him and now that hes gone i feel the pain!" "Well, you have me Abby and im always here!" Abby tried to smile a little. Ray held her close, she heard his heart beat and it was a comforting sound, so were his warm arms. Abby felt better with Ray holding her, "Don't let go...." She mumbled. "Huh?" "Nothing," I love Ray now, but should i tell him? probly not. She thought. Ray wiped the tears from her eyes. "If you start crying come to me kay?" He said to her. "Ok," She said blushing a little.

Im so lonely (so lonely),
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own) girl


Abby tried to forget about Carter, she tried to erase her mind of thoughts and memories of him but it kept on haunting her and the tears fell. She wiped them and looked for Ray, but couldn't find him. "Have you seen Ray?" Ray came in from behind her. "Is it me your looking for?" "Um yeah, I cant get the stuff about carter out of my head!" She said, "What can i do to make it go away?" "I dont know," Abby and Ray went into the lounge. Ray frenchkissed her, and she smiled with a bit of a blush. Abby's heart hammered her chest, "I love you," He said. Now her heart was doing flips and she had to say it back. "I love you too," "i wont leave you Abby, I'll always be yours!" Abby smiled, then she gave him a big hug.


I wrote and its based on ER after Carter left to go to after Africa.

and the song that its based on is Mr.Lonely by Akon

PrinceOfDarkness
May 20th, 2005, 04:39 PM
that was really good Kimi =3 *huggles* u shall become a great writer one day and be known around the world

Soul Eater
May 20th, 2005, 04:40 PM
I'm not that good am i? XD And I'll make the next story too i just hafta think of a good plot =3

PrinceOfDarkness
May 20th, 2005, 04:41 PM
I'm not that good am i? XD And I'll make the next story too i just hafta think of a good plot =3u r actually that good =3 Ya, take ur time and think about a plot. it'll come soon ^_^

Soul Eater
May 20th, 2005, 04:43 PM
I am, Im thinking of using the song Cant Help falling in love because she really loves ray now.

PrinceOfDarkness
May 20th, 2005, 05:08 PM
hmmm, can't wait to see ur next chapter, I love reading ur writings, they r very good, u may be a professional one day ^_^

Sima Yi's Apprentice
May 20th, 2005, 08:54 PM
Ah, a classic songfic. This one is pretty good, and the song you chose fit pretty good. I'll be here to see your next story. :classic:

Kyosuke
May 21st, 2005, 10:51 AM
I didn't think anyone else liked Akon on PC (I'm locked up they won't let me out!) XD

Wow impressive tie between a song and a story, its hard to make a proper conclusion out of this because out of nowhere, Ray comes and frenchkisses her XD. But its nice you tied it with Akon's 'Lonely' song and made it work relatively well, because doing that at times and having it work wel isn't easy ^^

Great job, just next time work more on the story development of the break up with Carter and the new relationship with Ray ^^'.

Soul Eater
May 21st, 2005, 11:15 AM
I didn't think anyone else liked Akon on PC (I'm locked up they won't let me out!) XD

Wow impressive tie between a song and a story, its hard to make a proper conclusion out of this because out of nowhere, Ray comes and frenchkisses her XD. But its nice you tied it with Akon's 'Lonely' song and made it work relatively well, because doing that at times and having it work wel isn't easy ^^

Great job, just next time work more on the story development of the break up with Carter and the new relationship with Ray ^^'.

Carter and Abby werent going out, the point was that abby realized she was iun love with him after he moved to africa with his girlfriend

KLS
May 21st, 2005, 07:02 PM
Chapter 1: Miss Lonely


Lonely im so lonely,
I have nobody,
To call my owwnnn
Im so lonely, im mr. Lonely
I have nobody,
To call my owwnnn
Im so lonely,


Abby Lockhart couldn't stop crying, she hated having a broken heart especially when it was Carter. She thought he loved her but he loved someone else she didnt realize how much it shattered her heart until now. Abby sat on her bed crying, she held on to her picture of him and her. She managed to pull herself together and go to work.

I woke up in the middle of the night and I noticed my boy wasn't by my side, coulda sworn I was dreamin, for him I was
Feenin, so I hadda take a little ride, back tracking ova these few years, tryna figure out wat I do to make it go bad, cuz
Ever since my boy left me, my whole left life came crashin


Abby got to work, things didnt seem better. She heard talk about Carter still and she went into the lounge and sat down and cried. One of her real close friends whos name was Ray came in, "You okay Abby?" He asked her. "No, Why does a broken heart hurt so much when someone you love is in love with someone else?" She sobbed. "You miss Carter dont you?" "More than anyone!" She said. Ray hugged her closely, "Shhh, Im here," "I feel so lonely!" "What about me? Your best friend?" Ray said, suprised. "Thats what i mean i have no one to call my own!" "I know what you mean, but i dont either. You wanted Carter to be yours didnt you?" "Yeah," "How come you didnt tell him?" "Cuz i didnt know how much i really liked him and now that hes gone i feel the pain!" "Well, you have me Abby and im always here!" Abby tried to smile a little. Ray held her close, she heard his heart beat and it was a comforting sound, so were his warm arms. Abby felt better with Ray holding her, "Don't let go...." She mumbled. "Huh?" "Nothing," I love Ray now, but should i tell him? probly not. She thought. Ray wiped the tears from her eyes. "If you start crying come to me kay?" He said to her. "Ok," She said blushing a little.

Im so lonely (so lonely),
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own) girl


Abby tried to forget about Carter, she tried to erase her mind of thoughts and memories of him but it kept on haunting her and the tears fell. She wiped them and looked for Ray, but couldn't find him. "Have you seen Ray?" Ray came in from behind her. "Is it me your looking for?" "Um yeah, I cant get the stuff about carter out of my head!" She said, "What can i do to make it go away?" "I dont know," Abby and Ray went into the lounge. Ray frenchkissed her, and she smiled with a bit of a blush. Abby's heart hammered her chest, "I love you," He said. Now her heart was doing flips and she had to say it back. "I love you too," "i wont leave you Abby, I'll always be yours!" Abby smiled, then she gave him a big hug.


I wrote and its based on ER after Carter left to go to after Africa.

and the song that its based on is Mr.Lonely by Akon
ahh... a song-fic.
hmm...
the first problem I had with this song-fic is that the there were WAY to many grammar errors.
Next, I think you should've developed Carter and introduced Ray more casually.

Keep working at it.
-KLS

Soul Eater
May 22nd, 2005, 06:57 AM
Grammar is something i hafta work on >_< hopefully when i take a creative writing class i can get help with my grammar =3

fuzzywuzzy
May 22nd, 2005, 01:54 PM
I can't wait for you to write the next chapter it was great.