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Jeremy
May 31st, 2005, 09:03 PM
Sweeties, I just woke up from a dream I just had and sign to make a poem about.

~Still dreaming of you~
Woke up in the middle of the night
Awaken from a terrible fright
Just had a dream about about
And all the things we been through
Then suddenly had a nightmare about the pain we shared
Felt my heart getting teared
"Why do I still care?"
I said to myself,
After just waking up
"I messed up..."
I know this is true...
"There's no way we can work it out"
"She doesn't want to talk to me!"
I said in a shout
It's over, we're through
Then why...I'm still dreaming of you?

Stripes
June 1st, 2005, 12:12 AM
Good very good! That was an awesome poem!

FaerieEsqueThing
June 1st, 2005, 09:05 AM
Not your best work. It's a little unoriginal, and it doesn't make sense in some areas. It really needs work...

Dignity
June 1st, 2005, 01:26 PM
Sweeties, I just woke up from a dream I just had and sign to make a poem about.

~Still dreaming of you~
Woke up in the middle of the night
Awaken from a terrible fright
Just had a dream about about
And all the things we have been through
Then suddenly had a nightmare about the pain we shared
Felt my heart getting teared
"Why do I still care?"
I said to myself,
After just waking up
"I messed up..."
I know this is true...
"There's no way we can work it out-
She doesn't want to talk to me!,"
I said in a shout
It's over, we're through
Then why...am I still dreaming of you?

It's a good poem, Jer-Jer, but there is a few errors [they'll be in bold]

Well, a comma here and there can change the whole poem, and make it the best! ^^

Natsuki
June 1st, 2005, 05:28 PM
Sweeties, I just woke up from a dream I just had and sign to make a poem about.

~Still dreaming of you~
Woke up in the middle of the night
Awaken from a terrible fright
Just had a dream about about
And all the things we have been through
Then suddenly had a nightmare about the pain we shared
Felt my heart getting teared
"Why do I still care?"
I said to myself,
After just waking up
"I messed up..."
I know this is true...
"There's no way we can work it out"
"She doesn't want to talk to me!"
I said in a shout
It's over, we're through
Then why...I'm still dreaming of you?

Awwwwwwws! I know that feeling. X3 I still keep dreaming of this guy I like at my school...for some reason he's always yelling at me in my dreams, although he's very nice IRL. XD Anyways, moving on...XD

This poem shows the simplicity of infatuation. <33 You may be uninvolved with a person after a mild relationship - yet you still have feelings for them, though you may not realize, nor may you want to show them. ^____^

I have a question about one of your lines. ^^;
Just had a dream about about

Is it just me, or did you mean to have two 'about's there? XD Anyways, I also think you can break your poem up into stanzas so it flows even nicer. :33

Also, remember to not be afraid of commas. XD They too can help you along with your poem's overall structure. :3~~~

Well, great work Jer-Jer! ^^ Keep it up. <3

~Kelsey

AngelMina
June 1st, 2005, 05:42 PM
Wow I love that poem , It has lotz of expression and feeling, reminds me of something I went through to! ^^ Great writing I Loved It!!!!!! Great Job!!!!^_^

**~Mina~**

Jeremy
June 2nd, 2005, 09:29 AM
Awwie thankie sweeties! *Hugs.* It could been better, but I JUST woke up and wrote it. XD

fuzzywuzzy
June 2nd, 2005, 04:05 PM
That is a great poem.Can't wait to read more of your poems.

serpenter
June 3rd, 2005, 07:46 PM
your goot at wrighting poems. verry good