View Full Version : missingo jouriny

June 1st, 2005, 10:31 AM
In a pokemon lab owned by Givonni a team of sintest were tring to create a new pokemon with utimite powers. The pokemon was just about finished there was a glicth in the conputer shouldly was asorbed in the computer.Givonni was baffled his chance of beating mew was down the drain. Know Here Is Were Are Story Begins the pokemon turn in to a virus. the end of sengment1

JX Valentine
June 1st, 2005, 12:29 PM
*points to the polls* Um, you misspelled Treecko and Pikachu.

Other misspelled words:
-scientists (It took me a bit to figure out what "sintest" meant.)
-our (You have "are" in the second-to-last line. Homophones kill.)

In addition, there were quite a few grammatical errors as well. So, you may or may not benefit from a beta reader, or someone you're not exactly friends with who can read your story, pick it apart, correct all the little details, suggest new ways of saying things or new plot points, and help you put everything back together. Such a person can be pretty much anyone as long as they display skill with the English language. (People who don't capitalize the beginnings of sentences or misspell obvious words are not people you want to beta-read your work.)

All that aside, only "eh" for a prologue. It could be a decent story, but it's just that there's not really much here. You're lacking description, for example. Try to put down every detail of the scene. Imagine the lab as best as you can and try to describe what it looks like to the readers. Tell your audience precisely what happened, right down to the very last twitch before all hades breaks loose.

Oh, and don't forget to spell check.

June 1st, 2005, 01:30 PM
Id suggest reading these links before goign to the next chapter, they can be pretty helpful!


oni flygon
June 1st, 2005, 03:45 PM