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Night-Kun
June 3rd, 2005, 08:25 PM
Hullo folks! This is my first fanfic ever, so please be as critical as possible to help me improve my stories, I really like writing when I have a good idea, so keep the comments coming! ^_^

Author's Note: Erik and Will are twins and their mother is the current champion of the Eden region.

Prologue:
Secretly hidden somewhere on Ice Isle off the coast of Victory City an egg, lime green in color, starts to quiver slightly. Slowly it begins to crack, and a little green beak pokes through. The newly hatched Pokmon, only a foot tall, hops out and begins to dry itself off and to prepare its shelter.

Chapter One: The Start of a New Journey
Erik awoke with a start, today he was going to start his quest to be a Pokmon master. If only Will would stay out of the way and his mother would go easy on him. Erik reached over to nudge Will to get up. "Come on you lazy bum! Get up!!"

Will grunted and rolled over, muttering something in his sleep. Erik rolled his eyes and started to get ready to go over to Professor Willow's lab to get his very first Pokmon. Erik finished getting dressed and ran down the stairs to get some breakfast. He stopped for a moment to wonder where Mom was, but just shrugged it off and fixed him and Will some pancakes. Thirty minutes later, Will dragged himself down and nearly collapsed in a chair.

"Would you make me some?" he grumbled toward Erik.

"Sure if you'll wake up and realize that we still need to go buy Prof. Pine's lab later."

Will jumped awake as soon as he heard those words. "Really, that's today? I thought it was tomorrow?"

"Nope, today. Now hurry up so we can go already."

As Will was getting ready, Erik called his mother and asked her to transfer one of her pokemon they could use to get to Starter Town, named for all the typical starter pokemon that live near.

"Come on Will, wait, no never mind, Mom sent us both two pokemon. No here comes two more. What is she doing?" asked Erik.

"I'm sending you two each a Pidgeot and one for each of you to keep. Consider it a bribe for me not being there" came their mother's voice through the videophone. "Oh, and here comes some money. I've been saving up for the two of you."

"Aww, thanks Mom," came from Will as he was heading down the stairs.

"Yea, thanks," Erik added, "this really means a lot."

Sniffing back her tears Lisa said, "Aww guys, I love you."

Suddenly something startles Lisa and she jumps. "God Bob, you scared me."

"Sorry for the fright Lisa, but you have a challenger, and boy is he good. He took out Mykael with just one pokemon." Bob added acting a little shocked.

"It's alright. Sorry guys I have to go, gotta teach this little boy what champions are made of." Lisa told her children with a slight sarcastic tone in her voice.

"Bye Mom, and thanks for everything!" both Erik and Will said to their mother as she was closing the link. They collected themselves together and took the two poke balls that contained two Pidgeot.

"I'm going to put these somewhere safe." Erik said as he gathered up the two poke balls that contained pokemon that only Lisa knew and the money their mother had saved for them.

"I wonder what two pokemon Mom sent over for us to keep?" Will asked in a sneaky voice.

"Don't even think about that, because if it's a good pokemon you'll pick a starter that's strong against it." Erik told him in a serious tone.

"Don't worry, I won't. Now come on or we are going to be late!" Will said as he was walking through the door.

They both took the two Pidgeot and called them out.

"Pid, Geot." Will's Pidgeot said as it stretched out its wings.

"Come on you two, we have to get to Starter Town." Erik told the two Pidgeot.

Erik and Will mounted the Pidgeot and they started their very first steps on the long and twisted road toward their dreams. Erik to beat their mother and reign as new champion, and Will to understand and get along with all types of pokemon. Just as their home was getting farther and farther from view, Erik turned around and smiled broadly, letting a single tear drip down on Pidgeot because he knew that someday he'd come back the best pokemon trainer ever.

oni flygon
June 3rd, 2005, 08:30 PM
one word: IMPROVEMENT

http://pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=29844

http://pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=27806

It's best to read those threads before you start writing again. This fic is a bit stereotyped and sub-mediocre. It's a carbon copy of the anime (which I loathe with all the blood in my veins), and is also very predictable. Making it a trainer fic will add to the stereotype-ness and also, "My First FanFic" is not a good title. Even though it is, it's best to give it a proper title. Be happy I spared your thread from closing it.

Night-Kun
June 3rd, 2005, 08:37 PM
one word: IMPROVEMENT

http://pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=29844

http://pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=27806

It's best to read those threads before you start writing again. This fic is a bit stereotyped and sub-mediocre. It's a carbon copy of the anime (which I loathe with all the blood in my veins), and is also very predictable. Making it a trainer fic will add to the stereotype-ness and also, "My First FanFic" is not a good title. Even though it is, it's best to give it a proper title. Be happy I spared your thread from closing it.

Go ahead and close it for the time being, I've already written three more chapters and need to go over them. I shall PM you once I finish, which, hopefully won't take me as long as it did to write them ^_^;; Thanks for the comment and thanks for not immeadiately closing it, for now. I shall begin my improvement A.S.A.P. Thank you.

oni flygon
June 3rd, 2005, 08:38 PM
Go ahead and close it for the time being, I've already written three more chapters and need to go over them. I shall PM you once I finish, which, hopefully won't take me as long as it did to write them ^_^;; Thanks for the comment and thanks for not immeadiately closing it, for now. I shall begin my improvement A.S.A.P. Thank you.
Well, if you say so...
I'm hoping for your improvements.

*CLOSED*