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Breezy
June 13th, 2005, 07:38 PM
Disclaimer: I don't own Pokmon.
Rated: PG-13 (Language) Or Fiction Rated T if you wanna go all ff.net status on it *rolls eyes*. I've really gotta quit making fun of that.

Wally based fic! Liek, oh mah gawd!!!1 =o

Anyways, welcome to "Walls That Talk" a.k.a "Shadows on the Wall" a.k.a "Flash Forward" a.k.a "Stop the Wally bashing madness!" a.k.a "No more journey Ru/Sa fics dammit!" a.k.a- Good, you passed. That means you're ready for the oncoming chapters. Trust me, Wally rants a lot. Maybe not in the first chapter, but wait until you get to the ones after that lol. Enjoy.

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Chapter 1:
I remember the first time I met May, from her brown hair that smelled sweet like cinnamon, to her eyes that burned in a passionate blaze of blue flames. I suppose you could say that our relationship was love at first sight. At least, that was the case for me.

Though, I also remember . . . him. The boy that competed for her love, the boy who would rival me at everything I did, the boy named Brendan. I laugh at the memories of all the fights we had, of all the acts of heroism we had to go through together, and of all the hurt and agony of seeing each other with the one we crushed on, May.

A little trip to the past can't hurt now, can it?

"I was a sickly boy," as my mom would like to state whenever our neighbors would ask why my nose would be pressed against the cold glass of the window. "He musn't go outside for he might get weaker since it takes a lot of effort to breathe." Of course, I'm overexaggerating on this part, but nevertheless it still felt like I was caged up like an animal in the zoo.

So obviously, not unless you lack in the common sense department, I wasn't born healthy, yet my dad would say, "It doesn't matter how big you are on the outside as long as you are big on the inside." Yeah well, I too have no clue what the fuck my dad was on when he said this thing since it had nothing to do with my entire situation at hand just yet, but still, I tried to live up to that quote, and I thought I did pretty well too until . . . until they came. I remembered the first thing I said with my 'beloved' in the room . . .

"You said you would help me catch a Pokmon before I left Norman . . ."

Mind you, since you can't hear words typed on a screen, I said that in a weak, little puny voice. Like those geeks on the T.V. I always slap my head every time I think of the first words muttered from my mouth. I even noticed May before I entered and could of said something smart and maybe, you know, not speak in language of the geek like,

"Hey Norman! You think I could borrow your Pokemon to catch a Pokmon on my OWN?"

But no, I have to sound all frail and weak! I had to sound like I couldn't do things without someone's help! Great way to start Wally! Ugh.

Sorry, I'm stalling aren't I? Okay, moving on, I remember the other thing I have to complain about.

I just got Norman's, May's father's, Pokmon, Zigzagoon from him and being the 'genius' that I am I have to sound even more 'stronger' by stuttering,

"Thank you . . . thank you for everything . . ."

AH! Ok, I'm sorry again. Shut up, don't be laughing at me. Actually, what's exactly with wrong with saying "thank you?" What the heck am I so mad about in that statement? I must of took whatever my dad took when he told me that infamous line quite some time ago.

But yes, like I was saying, I could tell with from first glance that the traveling companion of May, Brendan Birch, liked May too. Maybe he was another case of love at first sight, that I will never know. Though, I knew I could never compare or defeat him. Here I was, this . . . powerless, delicate, little wallflower and here was the other boy, strong, sturdy, reliable, especially in the time of peril. Like I said over a billion time, I was WEAK, but I was also the very jealous type too. Damn, two curses. Latios must of hated me when he chose my qualities huh?

Though, maybe he didn't hate me as much since the first Pokmon I ever caught was my ever faithful Ralts. I saw the surprised and greedy glint in Brendan's eye when I turned around to face the trainers. Never will I forget when he gave his hoot of surprise,

"WHOA! A Ralts! Even my dad has trouble finding those in the wild!"

I smile as I gaze down at my old friend Ralts, who a long time ago evolved into a Gardevoir. Those we're some good times, training my Pokmon, bringing them up to their full potential, befriending them . . .

Oh yes, where was I again? Oh, shut up again, I don't have a short-term- what was I doing again? Haha, I'm just kidding around with you! Don't you just love me? I doubt it.

Yeah, so as I was saying, I held proudly in my right hand my newly caught Ralts! It was a proud moment. Please. A moment of silence . . . Okay, I'm done, are you? Whatever, I don't care. Haha, I'm kidding again! Oh great, the very few fans I have just left. Ho hum, you're a bum if you left my house.

Oh May, my sweetheart, I still remember that first grin that you gave me. Oh my, doesn't that sound corny? You know what it reminds me of? That's right, that one hamster on that really odd anim "Hamtaro" with that fat-ass hamster named Boss who was in love with that hamster that oddly had a French accent and pigtails. Or hamtails. Or whatever. All I gotta do is find me a shovel and smack hamsters around with it.

"Thanks, oh and you too May for supporting me!"

She smiled sweetly in return. "No prob! I'm always happy to help other!"

"Heh, it's quite hot in here . . ."

What a lame quote . . . what? You know it's true too! 'Heh, it's quite hot in here. . .?' I mean, what the hell is that! I was a lame, lame eleven year-old boy who rants about hamsters having pigtails or whatever I said a few lines ago- I mean, a few seconds ago. I forgot that I'm not in a fic but actually you know, pretending that people are here and talking to said pretend people.

Oh yes, the first initial sign that me and Brendan would be rivals through our travels through the Hoenn region . . .

"Not really, since this IS an air-conditioned building."

HAHA! I pretty sure me and Brendan will have a laugh over this if I ever tell him. You had to be there to get it, but until then, you're screwed. Twice over. With minimal comfort. And other things that you can insert here to make myself funny. Yeah.

Of course, being the lame, lame eleven year-old boy that I was, I had to make sure that Brendan didn't know that I like May already. Thank Latias for Norman who helped cover up for me.

"Yes, it's really hot. Maybe someone switched the air-conditioner to the heater."

My other father, besides my real father, that was a father to me. Did that make any sense whatsoever? It didn't? Well tough luck 'cause I'm moving on!

Brendan and I did have several nicknames for each other. I was Wall Leak, Wood, Wallace, Walter, Wanna-be, and so many others while he was Bread Head, B Boy, Birch, Bas- oh little kids are reading this? Damn. But the first nickname I ever said to Brendan was,

"I guess I'll see you later! Bye May! Oh, and Brandon!"

Well, technically, that's not really a nickname but a mispronunciation instead. You know, like the name . . . uh . . . Peter. I mean, some freak of a parent might spell it like a regular Peter, but you may have to pronounce it like peh-tah.

Moving on, muhahaha insert fake evil laugh here because I can't laugh one! I was evil, but don't worry because he got back at me too.

"It's BRENDAN!"

K, I wouldn't call that 'getting back,' but whatever. Your call, not mine.

So as time slowly passed on like that of a Numel with no legs, I moved to Veranturf to get better physically-wise, and eventually I did. I felt very confident in myself . . . perhaps too confident. I even sent May a viv-messge about how I felt! Not only am I lame, I'm rather idiotic too.

"Hey May! I finally made it to Veranturf Town! It's really cool and . . . what's the word? Springy? Fresh? I don't know, but you have to check it out! Hope you get here soon! Bye! Oh, wait, you're probably wondering how I got your phone number, huh?

"Well, you see, I got the number from you mom back in Littleroot when we were going to Veranturf Town, and now you're probably saying, 'Veranturf Town isn't even in the direction of Littleroot!' See, this is kinda hard for me to explain but ever since I met you, which was two days ago, and you help me catch a Pokmon, I had this uh . . . err . . . I began to um, er . . . this is hard for me to say.

"I like you . . . in the more than friends sort of way if you know what I mean."

Wow . . . wow wow wow wow wow! I said that when I was eleven! I can't even utter those words now and I'm twenty-one years old!

Oh yeah, I also remember asking May about that exact same message,

"Hey Wally! Haven't seen you for a while! I got your video-message!"

"Oh, uh, what do you think of it?"

"Of what? Your message was good if that's what I mean . . . Is this the first time using a viv-phone or something?"

"No, I mean the end of it . . ."

"The end?"

"Never mind, it wasn't important . . ."

I never asked May again about that message since too embarrassed still. But you know what the strangest thing is? Brendan knew instead of May . . . Talk about getting the wrong person! I know, I know, something corny yet witty should of gone there, but you try to think of one! It's hard!

"Got your message before May even saw it 'Wallace'! Don't worry though! I deleted the last three minutes of the video so that's why May looked clueless."

That reminds me, I've got to kick his butt later about that.

Moving on, I grew up, and went from my jealous stage to my . . . erm, arrogant stage. I remember the first time I showed off. I was in battle with a some random dude off the street. Of course, he looked rather wimpy and scrawny like I use to, so I suppose I "Brendan Birch'd" it like he did with me when we first met and underestimated him.

"Chill out Wally. This trainer looks tough."

"Oh yeah Birch, he looks reeaaalllly tough. I bet you a wild Zigzagoon can kick his butt!"

"Stop showing off Wannabe, it just makes you sound bigheaded. Only immature little trainers make fun of a trainer they don't even know."

"I'll show you immature trainer Birch, and then we'll see who's laughing now!"

Arrogant, yet naive. I lost. I mean, I literally fell on my face. So that stage of my life didn't last too long luckily because by the time I got over it, May and Brendan came back in my life to haunt me once again. I remember it like it was yesterday . . .

Mauville was having the semi-annual Hoenn Fair there that year. I went on a few dates with May, Brendan went on a few dates with May, and sometimes, we all went together. True bliss. Maybe it would of been truer if B Boy wasn't there, but then again, I wouldn't of learned one of life's most important lessons without him. Nah, I won't go into detail just yet, but I will let you see something that I learned: Expect the unexpected but be cautious around the things you expect.

"Um, May?"

"Yeah, Wally?"

"I just wanted to tell you . . . before you left is that I . . . I . . ."

"Yeah?"

". . . Never mind."

Do you notice how I end most of my one-on-one conversations with May with "never mind" or something loser-like and how I manage to overuse ellipses? I really hate that. Seriously. With all my heart. What's with me and primer language? Why do I talk in such short, choppy sentences. That must bug you shitless huh, especially you constructive reviewers. Ha, I'm going to kill you constructive critics and burn you in my flames! My flames of rage!

Snapping back into reality- hmm, what's that? You're wondering why I didn't tell May I liked her? Come now, it's obvious! I was scared, duh! I couldn't just tell her the girl I liked for over a year about how I felt about her! But luckily, I did tell her years after, but that's another story isn't it?

So here I am, church bells ringing in my ears, and I smile joyfully from ear to ear. Today was the day, a day that I would never forget for the rest of my life.

The doors opened and the finely dressed people stand in the pews. THE most beautiful woman in the world walks down the aisle towards me, her white gown floating about her softly like that of morning fog as her delicate, slippered feet tread on the soft maroon velvet of the rug. I could see a very steady, yet unsure, smile cross her face as she comes closer to me, her long, thin fingers grasping a bouquet of white roses. My, was she goregous. I have never felt such a being grace my presense like she has.

I suppose I looked rather nervous for Brendan looked at me and gave me a small grin, and I gave him one back, as May continued her long path down the aisle. She, like Brendan, gave me her own, sweet little smile as she locked hands with her love, Brendan Birch.

I give you Brendan, the most precious gift in the world, take care of her- wait, I know you will.

And May, I know that Brendan will make you an excellent husband. You two have known each other forever, and I'll know you both will love each other 'til forever as well. Always remember that you'll be in my heart forever. You've always been my friend, almost like my sister.

I love you May Birch, and I can only pray that you know that too.

Lily
June 13th, 2005, 07:55 PM
That's right, that one hamster on that really odd anim "Hamtaro" with that fat-*** hamster named Boss who was in love with that hamster that oddly had a French accent and pigtails. Or hamtails. Or whatever. All I gotta do is find me a shovel and smack hamsters around with it.

ROFL LOL. I laughed hysterically over this.

Hmm. The perception of Wally...I never really expected him to be this witty and sarcastic, considering it's ironic how his external self is weal and fragile. Good writing, especially when portraying feelings and emotions. The ending was heart breaking. >.> Poor Wally. It's like those sayings, how in the end, sacrifices are never enough. Don't know if it pertains to this or not, but just seeing a rejected person staring at two happy people in love is sad.

Good job!

Da Schwarz
June 13th, 2005, 08:23 PM
dang... the entire love story reminds me of well... me
yes i could have had a girlfriend, but being way to shy to ask her she ended up with my "rival" who is a really good friend o' mine and they didn't say anything about it

pokejungle
June 14th, 2005, 07:08 AM
Wow. 0-0;; Wally really kicks *** XD Just imagine if he were a bit stronger, I think Brendan would've ended up with some injuries for even looking at May xP

Very well written to say the least. I like Wally's constant self-hate flairs like how he always thought of himself as 'lame' and whatnot. It was definetly a fun read for me =3

You could've left off on a more cliff-hanger-ish ending, but the story was written well enough that I think I'll come back and read the next part anyways xD

Reya Boyens
June 14th, 2005, 08:45 PM
'"I was a sickly boy," as my mom would like to state'
Your mom was a sickly boy?
Also, try to think about the sentence, "I must of took whatever my dad took..." You mustn't of done anything. You must have done it. You must have taken it, too.
This whole piece is very conversational. That's not a very... professional writing style. I respect that everyone has their own styles, but there is a level where you cross from story-writing into story-telling.
"But yes, like I was saying, I could tell with from first glance that the traveling companion of May, Brendan Birch, liked May too. Maybe he was another case of love at first sight, that I will never know. Though, I knew I could never compare or defeat him."
A. Another example of far too conversational. ("But yes, like I was saying..."
B.Run-on sentence. ("Maybe he was another case of love at first sight, that I will never know." Use a semi-colon or period instead of that comma
C. Sentence fragment. I realize that at some times fragments are acceptable. In this case, though, the fragment is pulled out of nowhere. ("Though, I knew I could never compare or defeat him") By the way, compare him to what?
"Those we're some good times..." 'Those we are good times', eh? Were is the past tense of are. "We're" is a contraction for "we are".
In a fanfiction, you don't make references to other cartoons that exist in the real world, especially if the original story doesn't take place in the world that your readers live in. (Hamtaro reference). If you think the reference is that important, you shouldn't say the name of the show. You just say "a show with a rodent" or something equally vague.
"Oh yes, the first initial sign that me and Brendan would be rivals..." Stop saying "oh, yes"! Second comment on this sentence: "Brendan and I."
"K, I wouldn't call that 'getting back,' but whatever." 'K' is not a word. 'K' never will be a word. 'K' is short for 'OK', which is short for 'okay'. If you had said "'K", with an apostrophe to note that it's a contraction, I'd accept it, but you didn't, so I can't.

Remember, this is all meant to be constructive criticism. I realize that at a few points, it's crossed the line into b*t*hy, but if you rework my phrasing, you'll see my points. I sincerely hope you don't take this the wrong way, and if you do, I send you my heartfelt (though entirely electronic) apologies.

pokegirl909
June 17th, 2005, 07:27 AM
OMG! This made me crack up! No, seriously. I still have the broken bones to prove it. I never thought Wally would be the sarcastic type.

Latios must of hated me when he chose my qualities huh?

Oh yes, where was I again? Oh, shut up again, I don't have a short-term- what was I doing again? Haha, I'm just kidding around with you! Don't you just love me? I doubt it.


That reminds me, I've got to kick his butt later about that.

And May, I know that Brendan will make you an excellent husband. You two have known each other forever, and I'll know you both will love each other 'til forever as well. Always remember that you'll be in my heart forever. You've always been my friend, almost like my sister.

I love you May Birch, and I can only pray that you know that too.

These are just a few things that made my bone crack. After all, I don't have 29 casts for nothing, now do I?

5/5

Just please, next time don't make it so... *breaks back bone* painful :)

Act
June 17th, 2005, 08:55 AM
Hn, this was very informal. It disguised the many grammatical errors -that have been readily pointed out- to those who weren't looking, but I found it very mediocre. Personally, I'd recommend a beta, or at least reread this more carefully.

This fic itself... didn't seem to have much of a point. There was no rise and fall of action. It got monotone.

Meh, good luck next time.

pokejungle
June 17th, 2005, 03:24 PM
I thought it was humorous. =/ I took it more as 'Just to be funny' kinda thing, over a real story kinda fic.

But that's just my take. It was kind of odd ending on a sad note 0o;;

IceKing
June 17th, 2005, 04:57 PM
Latios must of hated me when he chose my qualities, huh?
Eh, for some reason that mistake just drove me crazy

while he was Bread Head, B Boy, Birch, Bas- oh little kids are reading this?

Funny, he realizes that long after he says the f word


On with the review. Wow, this is the first time im reviewing one of your fics. So exciting!

I felt this fic had its good points and bad points. The good part was that it was pretty hilarious (you had me cracking up there with the cuss words), emotional, and a very unqiue way of writing. The bad part was that it kinda rambled on a bit, felt like 18 pages even though it was only 6 (I wasnt sure whether to put that as good or bad, I myself didnt know whether I liked that or hated it. Since I have you on my revenge list, I decided to hate you. Mwah hah hah, wish you didnt cross me now HUH [please dont 0wn me for that!]) and that there were mistakes


This style of writing you have here is very unique, kinda like a journal entry, and I like it. Problem is he kind of rambles on and it can get kind of boring, or be very hilarious. I thought his thoughts could have been organized in a better fashion too. I do have to say, the ending really made me sad. Seriously, for the first time reading a non horror fic, I truly felt sad. Wally is just like me: Pathetic, Sickly, Would never be able to get May, umm did I mention pathetic?

Not bad Breezy! So this is what one of your fics are like. Huh.