PDA

View Full Version : The effects of Depression


White_Winter_Wolf
June 20th, 2005, 02:25 PM
Hi, I'm really not sure if my poem is any good, but I was depressed when I wrote em. Heck, it doesn't even raynm(sp?)

When everything seems gray
When everyone seems fake

No one really knows you
look into their eyes

Rip off your disguise
let them see the real you


And along the way
I feel a part of me I have to fight

Buried somewhere deep beneath my skin
The emptyness in me is fading

I can see my life is waiten'
I can live my life for who I am

Natsuki
June 20th, 2005, 02:42 PM
Hi, I'm really not sure if my poem is any good, but I was depressed when I wrote em. Heck, it doesn't even raynm(sp?)

When everything seems gray
When everyone seems fake

No one really knows you
look into their eyes

Rip off your disguise
let them see the real you


And along the way
I feel a part of me I have to fight

Buried somewhere deep beneath my skin
The emptyness in me is fading

I can see my life is waiten'
I can live my life for who I am

This isn't a bad poem. ^__^ The flow is a bit choppy, but the meaning comes through quite nicely. ^^; To always be true to yourself, and just not be afraid to be you - that's a great moral to any poem or story. :33 No one should ever be afraid to let the true hero inside them be known. ^___^

Also, there was one spelling error. The word "waiten'" in the second to last line should be either "waitin'" or "waiting." ^^ Other than that, things are lookin' pretty good. ^^ Good work White_Winter_Wolf! ^^

~Kelsey

White_Winter_Wolf
June 20th, 2005, 02:49 PM
Thanks a bunchs! Don't expect many more though, I'm sorta not depressed, i'm kinda sugarhigh. Oh, were do you put a poem/story if its both?

ashley03
June 20th, 2005, 02:51 PM
i like it...i can relate to it SSOO much,great job,keep up the writing!!

Kylie-chan
June 20th, 2005, 11:25 PM
It's not long, but poems aren't supposed to be all the time, and I quite like the poem. I can easily relate them to my own former depression, but like Kelseymuffin said, the flow is a tad choppy. ^^; Also, "I feel a part of me I have to fight" should be "I feel a part of me - I have to fight" or "I feel a part of me; I have to fight" ^^; Depends what you want to say with it.
But I think you've got great potential ^^