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pokefan89
June 24th, 2005, 08:27 AM
A New View

Chapter One


Washed up on a strange beach one day.
Led by someone I did not know,
To a town I knew not of.
Thus it begins.



"What happened?"
"Is he okay?" "

"Let me through so I can look at him."

The boy lying on the sand slowly opened his eyes. As he sat up, the oldish looking man squatted and asked, "Are you okay?"

"I think so," he said before suddenly groaning in pain and putting his hand to his head. "Ohhhh, where am I?" He managed to stand up as he said this and he finally seemed to notice where he was. He looked around him, and no longer speaking in a pained voice, asked "Where am I? What are all these people doing here? How did I get here?"

The old man stood up and answered, "These people are here because you washed up on the beach and I have no idea how you got here. But I can tell you where you are."

"Where? Where am I?"

"Near Sparkleberry City." The old man uttered.

"Sparkleberry" The boy turned to the old man before asking, "Where is Sparkleberry City?"

"On the East coast of Kojen." The old man replied, looking surprised and concerned.

"K-Kojen?" The boy looked around him then grabbed his head with right hand . "Whoa. This is too weird."







"Okay, I believe you. Its all just all my life Ive been taught that Kojen is a myth, and now Im here" He looked up at the sky, which was quickly turning the dark blue of late evening. He then looked over at the oldish man and said, "You never told me your name."

"Im Professor Pine. You?"

"ThunderKetchum" He replied, looking up at the sky again.

Prof. Pine looked slightly shocked when Thunder told him his name but he regained his composure seconds before Thunder glanced back at him. "Really?" He asked before noticing tears on Thunders face. "Whats the matter, Thunder?" He inquired after carefully looking at Thunder.

"I, I dont know if Ill ever get back home, Professor." Thunder looked at Prof. Pine before continuing. "You said there are no big ships in Kojen."

"That is true. But youll get home. We can get a ship built and He trailed off and looked up at the top of the hill they were walking up.

Thunder raised one eyebrow while he asked, "What, Professor?"

"You can go through the Kojen League."

"Kojen League? You mean Kojen has one too? Awesome"

"Yes, we have one too."

"So where can I sign up?" Thunder looked at Prof. Pine, happy for the first time since washing up on the beach. "Where?"

"Its down there." Prof. Pine said as they reached the top of the hill and the two looked down on a town that was literately glowing bright silver.

"Wow, its beautiful."

"Hmmmm, yes it is. Thunder, welcome to Sparkleberry City."







Meanwhile, down in the Sparkleberry City Pokemon Center, a scene of pure chaos was about to erupt.

"You found it yet, Zachary?" a tall, unshaven man wearing maroon pants and long sleeved shirt the same color asked gruffly.

"Not yet, sir." the other man, Zachary, who was dressed identically, answered.

"Well, hurry it up." the first man, Michel, said as his expression changed from one of anger to one of disinterest and he turned away from Zachary and looked out over the town. "Hmmm, when will we find it? Weve been looking for this thing for over a year now and the boss"

"Sir! Michel!"

"What!!!" Michel started at the sudden sound, but he quickly regained his composure and turned towards Zachary, an angry scowl plastered on his face.

"Ive found it, sir." Zachary answered.

"You have!?" Michel yelled excitedly as his scowl changed into an evil looking grin. "Wheres it at? Where?"

"Right here." Zachary said, pointing at his computer screen, which was displaying a bunch of strange symbols over a map of the Sparkleberry Pokemon Center. And in one of the rooms on the map, a flashing white dot had just appeared. Zachary was pointing at this dot and said excitedly, "There. There is the Topaz."







About one hour later, outside recovery room three in the Pokemon center, we find Nurse Joy accompanied by Thunder.

"Your pikachu is in this room, Thunder." She said happily, "Im glad they found you."

"Me too, Nurse Joy. I dont know what Id have done if he hadnt." Thunder replied gratefully as he opened the door and began to walk in. "Thanks, Nurse Joy."

"Youre welcome." Nurse Joy turned around and walked slowly down the hall as Thunder entered the room.

As he did, he saw two men standing around a bed, the knocked out outer wall visible behind them. "Hey, what are you two doing in here?" Thunder commanded.

Zachary, the one closest to the wall, looked up, saw Thunder, and then whispered, "Boss, weve got company."

"I heard." Michel replied, turning to face Thunder. "I didnt expect anyone to discover us here. I guess we had better eliminate you. I mean, we cant have someone messing with Team Royals plans, you know."

"Team Royal?" Thunder said incredibly. "What is Team Royal?"

" Youve never heard of Team Royal? Amazing."

"No, Im not from around here. Got a problem with that?"

"Hmmmm, really?" Michel looks at Thunder questioningly before saying, "Well, we are dedicated to the total takeover of Kojen, and to achieve that goal we need this pikachu." He holds up an electricity proof cage containing Thunders pikachu, whos asleep.

"You, you dirty, no-good" Thunder adopts a look of almost pure hatred at the sight. "I am not going to let you take my best friend, you monsters!" he exploded.

"Oh, really?" Zachary replied, stepping forward, "Well, why dont we see about that?" He says, reaching into his right pocket and pulling out a poke ball. He presses the button, which releases an elect abuzz. "Electabuzz, use Set B!"

"Elec." The electric pokemon says.

"Good. Take care of him, Zachary." Michel says as he leaves the building with pikachu. Thunder tried to go after him but Electabuzz blocked him, his body now covered in a sheet of electricity.

Danm, I forgot about that electabuzz. Thunder says to himself. "You, Ill get my friend back." He pulls a poke ball from his belt and throws it into the air, releasing his pidgeot. "Lets show them what we got, Pidgeot!"

"Hmmm, a flying type. You do know you cant win, right?" Zachary sneered.

"Is that right?" Thunder replies. "Well, Im going to prove you wrong." Thunder looks outside at the setting sun and then commands, "Pidgeot, lets take this fight outside."

"Pidgeooot!" pidgeot screeches as he flies towards electabuzz at high speed, ramming into him with his beak and slinging the pokemon backwards into Zachary. They two of them then flew back and hit a fence across the street.

"Danm! That hurt!" Zachary says as he pushes Electabuzz off of him. "Get off me, youre shocking." He looks at Thunder angrily then shouts, "Electabuzz, stop waiting already!"

"Buzz!" Electabuzz affirms before dashing running forward and slamming into Pidgeot, knocking him down and shocking him at the same time. When Electabuzz landed behind Pidgeot he turned around and brought both his arms backward. They began to crackle with electricity while Pidgeot was standing back up.

"Watch out!" Thunder yelled out as he began to run towards Pidgeot, ready to take the blow himself.

"Pidge?" Pidgeot looked back at Electabuzz and then hurriedly flapped his wings and flew into the air just as Electabuzz threw its arms forward in a double thunder punch. The attack missed, however , and Electabuzz stumbled but quickly recovered, turned around and looked up at Pidgeot, amazed.

Well, good reflexes, but I still have the advantage. Zachary remarked to himself. "Electabuzz, Set A!"

"Elec ." Electabuzzs eyes glow bright yellow, his body seems to pulsate for a split second, and he fires a thunder attack followed by another, which both hit Pidgeot, though he tried to move out of the way.

"Piiiid!" Pidgeot screeches as he plummets to the ground.

"Pidgeot, are you okay?" Thunder scrambles up to the fallen pokemon, but just as he reached Pidgeot, Electabuzz ran forward and, slamming into them both in a quick attack, threw them against the wall of the Pokemon Center. "Argggh!" Thunder howls as Pidgeot lets out a similar screech of pain and they collide into the hard wall. "Youyou" Thunder turns in Pidgeots direction just as the determined pokemon struggled up to a standing position. Thunder looked to the top of the hill on the other side of town, where Michel stood, watching the battle carefully. "****, I forgot about the other one." he whispered angrily before walking over to Pidgeot.

What is he doing? Zachary as he watched Thunder climb onto Pidgeots back.

"Lets go get Pikachu back!" Thunder yelled after he had gotten onto Pidgeot. Pidgeot flapped his wings and rose into the air, stopping a few feet up. After he had reached this height, Pidgeot suddenly flew, screeching defiantly, past Zachary and Electabuzz and through a gap in the wall over which was a was an arch that read, "The Sparkleberry Orchard".

Zachary looked around at Pidgeot and Thunder zoomed past him. "That theWait a minute, Michel." He nearly screamed, looking at the pair flying towards his boss. "Electabuzz," he said, turning to his pokemon, "Set C, now."

"Elec. Tabuzz!" Electabuzzs eyes glow once more and sheet of electricity covered his body and continued to grow around him. Pidgeot burst out from the trees in the orchard and skimmed the top of them. When they made it to the hill they rocketed to the top and there Thunder saw Michel again and Pidgeot flew towards the surprised Team Royal thief As they went past him, Thunder grabbed the cage with pikachu inside.

"Thanks for the gift!" Thunder yelled back happily as he took pikachu out of the cage, "But you can have the wrapping back!" He threw it back at Michel and flies back toward the PokeCenter.

"You" Michel begins to run down the hill after but when he spotted Zachary and Electabuzz he stopped. "Hmmm, Zachary can take care of him."

Thunder zoomed back down the hill but just as he reached the orchard Electabuzz released the shield of electricity, which had grown almost six inches thick.

"Come on, Electabuzz, lets finish him off now." Zachary declares as the electricity forms a constantly changing maze, which Pidgeot begins to skillfully navigate, wheeling and weaving to avoid each bolt. Finally, however, one hit Pidgeot and he plummeted to the ground, screeching.

"Oh, man!" Thunder screams as they hit ground and skid. "Good job there, Pidgeot. Now return." He says painfully while he pulls the pokeball from his belt.

"Good job?" Zachary sneered as the red light burst from the ball and took Pidgeot back in. "Now you have no pokemon that can fight. Youre helpless and you say that your Pidgeot did a good job?"

"He did. Thanks to him, I got my pikachu back from your partners grubby hands."

"GrubbyYou littleElectabuzz, thund" As he gave this command, a Sandslash jumped out of a nearby tree and landed in front of Electabuzz. "der?!" As Electabuzz let off the attack, Sandslash raised his claw and deflected the electricity. "Wha, whats up here?"

"I dont like thieves like you." An old man replied as he stepped out from behind as tree.

"Im not afraid of you, old man." Zachary sneered as two police officers run up to him. "SoHey, get off me." He screams at them as they try to get a pair of handcuffs on him. He recalls electabuzz and then sends out a fearow. As they rise into the air, he shouts down to everyone below, "See ya!"

As he flies off to rejoin Michel, the officers sigh. "He got away"

"Its okay. At least I got my pikachu back from them. And now Im going" Thunder falls to the ground, writhing in pain, and the old man and the officers run up to him, worried expressions on their faces.

"Is he okay?"

"What happened?"

"How"

IceKing
June 24th, 2005, 09:23 AM
As he sat up, the oldish looking man squatted and asked

Oldish isnt really a good adjective to use

These people are here because you washed up on the beach, and I have no idea how you got here

There were several instances where forgot to put a comma between too clauses.

"Not yet, sir," the other man, Zachary, who was dressed identically, answered.

In cases like these, you need a comma at the end of the dialogue instead of a period.

"Pidgeooot!" pidgeot screeches as he flies towards electabuzz at high speed,

You suddenly switched tenses after the "finding the topaz" scene. Stick to one tense.


There were lots of grammar mistakes in the fic like the ones above that made it hard to read and disrupted to flow. It kind of seemed rushed to me how Thunder suddennly goes on a wild goose chase adn no one else in the PokeCenter seems to notice. Also, he doesnt seem to act like a man who wakes up in a strange land. WOuldnt he be much more freaked out? Instead all he seems to care about is the land. Also, wouldnt Proffesor PIne react hearing that in other places they think his land is just a myth? You have a good idea but you seriously need to pace it better and proofread it so it becomes an easier read. Good luck with next chapter!

Alana
July 2nd, 2005, 03:26 PM
IceKing pointed out all the mistakes I noticed already. The story in general isn't bad and I can see it becoming a very good fic. Like IceKing said you need to work on grammer. But i think tat's the main thing. Keep writing. I'll be waiting for chapter two.

pokefan89
July 2nd, 2005, 04:11 PM
thanks, Alana. I will work on my grammer. The next one will be better.

pokefan89
August 1st, 2005, 01:49 PM
Chapter 2- Changing View

He woke up to find his whole world changed. No longer did he stand tall. No longer did the answers seem so clear. Though questions were answered, new mysteries arose.

Thunder opened his eyes and stared up at the ceiling. Huh? What happened? And where am I? He was lying next to his pikachu on a table, where he had been since collapsing the night before. He rolled off, landing on a pillow that had fallen to the floor, and then looked around. Huh? What happened? He asked himself again. Everything in the room seemed too big to him, as if someone had enlarged it all or shrunk him. He walked around the room, having to look up to see the top of such things as the bed he had been on. Its all just a dream, he thought as he waked past the door, which was ajar, and any minute now Ill wake up and Just then, he slipped on a puddle of water. Suddenly, the dreamlike quality was gone, and he was sliding across the floor, watching things go by him so fast he couldnt identify them. Almost as fast as it started, it all ended with a light crash as Thunder slid right into a full-length mirror along one wall. His first thought, after he had stood up, was, Man, that hurt. I must not be dreaming. Then, he looked in the mirror and gasped when he saw long and pointed ears, a little black nose, red cheeks, and bright yellow fur looking back at him. Just as his shocked mind realized what had happened to him, he passed outagain.


Thunder, calm down, please. Prof. Pine was trying to quiet a very confused Thunder, very upset Thunder.

Professor Pine, how would you feel if you woke up, looked in a mirror, and found that you had been turned into a pikachu?

Thunder, I think you should listen to Prof. Pine, Nurse Joy remarked as she entered the room, Instead of constantly interrupting him. She sat down as silence fell over the room. And Im sure he would be very surprised.

Thunder glanced at his pikachu at a loss for words after hearing Nurse Joys words.

Yes, thank you, Nurse Joy. Prof. Pine looked back at Thunder and cleared his throat, which made the boy jump as he turned to face the Professor. Now that Ive got your attention Thunder, Ill tell you became a pikachu.

What? How? What happened? Thunder looked at Prof. Pine, surprised.

I think you must have swallowed a pikaberry.

A what? Thunder looked at Prof. Pine, no longer upset, just confused.

A pikaberry. They increase the power of electric type attacks. However, that's not the reason they're named so."

"Let me guess, Prof." Thunder interrupted, "They're called that because they turn a person that eats one into a pikachu."

Thunder was just beginning to understand what had happened. He had woken again half an hour ago and he had exploded at Prof. Pine, who had been waiting to talk to him.

"That is correct, Thunder." Prof. Pine stood up and walked to the window, looking apologetic. "I'm sorry this happened to you, Thunder, I really am."

"It, it's okay, Professor. I just want to know"

"When you swallowed one?" Nurse Joy interrupted.

"Yes, that's it," Thunder said, smiling. "When, Professor?"

"I would say when you fell through the trees." Pine answered, immediately smiling at when Thunder started.

"How? I thought you would have been at your lab?"

"I was. Nurse Joy told me what happened. She saw the whole thing."

"Oh, well" Thunder looked over at Pikachu, smiling. "Well, I'm glad that mystery's solved."

Pikachu, who had been asleep, suddenly woke up and looked at Thunder. "Hey! Who are you?" he asked.

Thunder started, then smiled, remembering what had happened to him. "It's me, Thunder."

"What? But you"Pikachu tilted his head, confused.

"Thunder, what did he say?" Pine asked, unable understand Pikachu like Thunder could.

"He asked me who I am. And I don't think he believes me." Thunder was shocked at what Pikachu had said to him. Of course, it was shocking enough to be able to understand him.

"Hmmm, well" Pine turned to Pikachu and said quietly, "Pikachu, Thunder swallowed a berry thatchanged his appearance."

Pikachu, who had been looking at Prof. Pine, turned back to Thunder. "Really?" he asked.

"Yeah, Pikachu." Thunder walked over to Pikachu and hugged him as best he could with his now small arms. Pikachu hugged him back, a smile now forming on his face.

"I'm so excited!"

Thunder stepped back, confused. "Why, Pikachu?"

Pkachu's eyes sparkled with happiness as he looked at his trainer. "You can understand me now."

"Oh, yeah. That's"

"Ahem," Pine interrupted.

"What, Professor?" Thunder asked inquiringly.

"Well, I've been trying to ask you a question but"

"Really? I'm sorry, Professor."

"It's alright." Pine looked between Pikachu and Thunder. "

"So, what did you want to ask me?" Thunder laughed, then tilted his head to one side quizzically. "Oh, yes, the question." Pine paused for a few moments as Nurse Joy left the room. "I wanted to know if you are still going to sign up for the Kojen League."

"I, I can? I mean, after this" He gestured at his body, surprised that he could still sign up.

"Oh, yes. We're quite used to the effects of Pikaberries."

"Oh, then I am"

"Well, go to it then."

"Oh, yeah.You're right, Professor." Thunder jumped to the floor, closely followed by Pikachu. They both walked into the main part of the Pokecenter but froze once there.

"What is it?" Pine asked as he walked out behind Thunder. When he saw the reason Thunder had stopped, however, he looked down at he ground, thinking. "Well, why dont you come to my lab later to sign up. I think Nurse Joy is a little busy."

"Yeah. Good idea. Se ya, Professor."

Pine walked out, leaving Thunder and Pikachu alone. "Hmm, why don't we go for a little walk, Pikachu?"

"Yeah, let's go!" Pikachu looked at Thunder excitedly before the two of them walked out, talking o each other until they bumped into a familiar face, Zachary of Team Royal

"Oh, look, two pikachus going for a walk" He squatted to get closer, which made Pikachu hide, scare, behind Thunder.

"Stay away from us, you, you" Zachary stood up, surprise clearly sowing on is face.

"Whoa, now, I was only"

"Only what, Team Royal scum?" Thunder spat at him.

"Well, I see 'I've met you before"

"Hell yea, you have. You tried to steal my pikachu yesterday," Thunder said, clearly angry.

Zachary looked startled, but he quickly regained his composure and smiled. "A, you must have swallowed a pikaberry on your way down, uh" He screwed up his face as if thinking hard then he finished by saying, "Thunder, that's it."

Thunder looked up at Zachary, surprised. "How did you know my name?"

"You're the talk of the town, how else?" Zachary turned round and began to walk away after this but Thunder stopped him with a question. "Wait a minute, you. Why aren't you going for my Pikachu today?"

Zachary turned back to Thunder, surprised. "Oh, well, you see, I quit Team Royal."

Thunder ad Pikachu, taken aback by this, immediately became suspicious of him. "Why?" they asked together, though Zachary was only able to understand one of them.

"Because," Zachary paused, trying to think out what to say, "Their plans didn't agree with mine." He looked at Thunder and smiled. "You see, I now want to beat you in a fair fight."

"Beat. Me?" Thunder was awestruck that someone would quit something like that just to try to beat him

"Yeah, Thunder, you." Zachary turned around and walked away again. "See you, Thunder. Ad by the way, m name's Zach."

"Uh, Zach, wait." Thunder called, but the other had already disappeared





Meanwhile, in a small shop on the outskirts of town, a girl by the name of Alyssa Kells was receiving a phone call.

"Michel?" She asked after picking up the phone and hearing a familiar gruff voice on the other end. She listened before talking again.

"What do you want to talk about, old man?" she laughed at his reply, then spoke further.

"Michel, just hurry up and tell me Before my dad comes home" She waited expectantly, looking out the door for her dad.

"Zachary what? Why?" She looked at nothing in particular with a shocked expression on her face.

"Did someone beat him?"

"Really? Well, what assignment does ole Jack have for me?"

"who's Thunder?And why?"

"Hmmm, okay then" Alyssa hung up the phone.

"Wow, Zach. Wow."





About two hours later, Thunder and Pikachu were walking through a field just outside of town. "It's a nice day today, huh, Pikachu?"

"Yep!" Pikachu said excitedly, "It is." They continued walking, looking all around and up at the sky. Thunder, who had recently shrunk from five foot six to one foot four, as amazed by how different the view was.

"Hey!" A voice called, breaking his thoughts.

"Uh, hi," Thunder said, looking up at a person who looked exactly like him. Not as he looked now, but the way he looked the night before. Thunder started, then, regaining his composure, asked, "How are you?"

"Fine," the new boy laughed, "but it looks like you just saw a ghost."

"Oh, no, I was just surprised to see someone out here," Thunder explained, an awkward smile on his ace.

"Yeah, you've got a point. There aren't too many people out here." He smiled a Thunder, then squatted down so he could see them better.

"Um, so, uh, what's your name? Mine's Thunder."

"Oh, yes, sorry." The boy scratched the back of his head apologetically. "My name's Sammy."

"Well, nice to meet you Sammy. Were you"

Suddenly, a new voice sounds from behind Thunder. "Hello, are you Thunder?" As a man in a white lab coat walked up, Sammy turned around and walked away, saying goodbye to Thunder as he did.

"Sammy, wait" Thunder turned to the man who had walked up. "I'm Thunder," he said, looking up at the newcomer.

"Hey," the other said, looking suspiciously in Sammy's direction. "I'm Allen, Prof. Pine's assistant."

"Oh, well, I guess he wants me then, huh?"

"Yes, he does," Allen said distractedly.

"Well, then, let's go Allen."

They all set off back towards town, Thunder and Pikachu leading the way. They had only gone a few steps when Pikachu stepped close to Thunder and whispered, "That Sammy looked exactly like you used to."

"I know, Pikachu. Know." They slowly walked into tow, Allen, thinking the whole way,

'Could that have beenSammy?'



A few hours later, after saying goodbye to everyone in town, Thunder was finally leaving Sparkleberry City. Before he could go, however, he had to make a stop at a little shop at the edge of town, Kells's General Store.

"Is this where Professor Pine told us to go, Thunder?"

"Yeah, I think so, Pikachu."

They looked up at the sign above the door before walking in. Once inside, Thunder saw a variety of foods, medicine, and toys on piled on the shelves. Looking closer to ground level, he noticed several backpacks obviously designed to fit a Pikachu.

"May I help you?"

Thunder looked up at the source of the voice, a middle aged man dressed in blue jeans and a blue button shirt.

"Yeah, I need some food and a pack," Thunder replied, grabbing a silver colored pack from the shelf.

"Okay, then. I'll get my daughter to help you. I'm busy." The man walked into the back of the shop and almost immediately his daughter Alyssa walked out.

"You need help?"

"Oh, yes, thanks. I need some food" Thunder trailed off as he pointed up at the food, out of his reach on a higher shelf.

"Oh, yes, you can't reach," Alyssa said, picking Thunder up and putting him on her shoulder. "Now you can just point out what you want and I'll grab it for ya."

"Okay, thanks," Thunder said, studying the shelves. After filling the pack he had picked out, Alyssa carried him to the counter, which he jumped onto soon before Pikachu did the same.

"So, what's your name?" Alyssa asked wile ringing up Thunder's purchases.

"Thunder Ketchum," He said absent mindedly.

"Really?" she asked, her smile spreading into an almost evil grin. "You're the talk of the town."

"Yeah, I know."

Alyssa finally finished and Thunder the pack, which he put on right away before he paid her for the food with a small bit of money he had gotten from Prof. Pine. He then jumped down to the floor ad walked out the door, closely followed by Pikachu.

A few minutes later, before he had gotten more than a few steps down the path, Alyssa came running up to him. "Hey, Thunder, I have a question for you."

"What, uh" Thunder turned around, smiling.

"Name's Alyssa. Can I go with you on your journey?" She pleaded.

"Oh, uh, yeah, Alyssa." He looked surprised but quickly composed himself. "Let's go tell your dad then." He jumped onto her shoulder and Pikachu looked up at them, tilting is head and smiling.

"Nah," She said, laughing, "He said that if I'm not back by sunset he'll assume I'm with you."

"Oh, then let's "

Suddenly, Sammy stepped in front of them and looked at Thunder. "May I join you too, Thunder?"

"Sure, Sammy, the more the merrier."

Sammy laughed, then looked into Alyssa's eyes. "I'm so sorry, I didn't introduce myself. Name's Sammy."

Alyssa became nervous when the strange boy looked at her, but she covered it up with an awkward smile. "'I'm Alyssa Kells. Nice to met you, Sammy."

"The same," Sammy said before Pikachu jumped onto his shoulder.

"Well, let's go, you two. We have to be off."

"Yeah, off to adventure," Alyssa said jokingly.

"Off to excitement," Sammy nearly whispered.

"Off to Pikachu Village!" Thunder yelled before the four travelers walked away from Sparkleberry City an right towards the greatest adventure of their lives.

They were being watched, however, by two people, one of which, Allen, was looking at Sammy. The other, Zach, was studying Alyssa.

'I'll have to keep a close watch on Thunder,' Zach thought, 'He doesn't know how dangerous Alyssa is.'




--------------------------------------------------------------------------

here's Chapter Two at long last. Hope it's beter than the last.

Alana
August 13th, 2005, 12:06 PM
Yes good job. Grammer still needs soem work but it has grately improved since the last chapter. Keep writing and post the next chapter soon.

pokefan89
September 25th, 2005, 11:28 AM
I am so sorry about not posting the next chapter or not getting on for over a month. I will get on more often in the future. Also, thank you Alana for reading my story. I will have the next chapter up within a month barring circumstances.

pokefan89
November 3rd, 2005, 06:03 AM
sorry I didn't put the next chapter yet, but here's part of it.



Chapter Three: First Big Fight



He walked into the town.
The Sun rising in the east.
I soon discovered this town was special,
Cause its size hid its strength.



The sun rose, illuminating the buildings of the small town. It being early, many of the inhabitants were asleep. One, however, was up. The gym leader, Red Shoes, was training hard, knowing there would be many challengers that day. This was the way Pikachu Village was when Thunder, Sammy, and Alyssa walked into town.


Hey, there anyone here? Zach walked into the gym, now wearing blue jeans and an old, ragged, red T-shirt instead of the purple uniform of Team Royal.

What is it? The gym leader stepped out of his training room, angry at being interrupted. I am here, and I was training.

So I can tell, Red Shoes. Zach looked down at him, smiling as he noticed the slight sheen to the pikachus fur.

Well then, why are you here? Im not accepting challenges this early.

Zach laughed as he pulled an old, worn pin from his pocket and showed it to Red Shoes. The small, thundercloud shaped gym badge hardly reflected the light shining into the room from the small window above the door, but the gym leader could still recognize it.

Ah, I see. Youre not here to challenge me, He said with a look of nostalgia crossing his face.

Yes, I fought your old man years ago for this. Zach put the badge away again and turned back towards the door. I actually came here cause of a certain challenger youre going to have today.

I hope you wont ask me to go easy on em, Red Shoes said, smiling and folding his small arms over his chest. Cause I wont.

I know, Red Shoes. Im asking you to make sure you do your best against a trainer named Thunder Ketchum.

Who? the other asked, puzzled.

Hes going to challenge you later today. Zach walked to the door and prepared to open it. Im going to be watching the battle. He left, leaving Red Shoes speechless.

Okay


A few hours later, Thunder, Sammy, and Alyssa walked into town, eager to check it out (which wouldnt take too long, considering most of the buildings werent much taller than Alyssa and Sammy).

Wow, Thunder said as he jumped down from Alyssas shoulder, its like this place was built for

Pikachus? A new voice asked before its owner, a raichu wearing red gloves on its front paws, stepped into view.

Uh, yeah, thats exactly what I was going to say. Thunder scratched the back of his head and smiled wide.

Alyssa looked down at the newcomer and smiled in recognition. Nice to see you again, Elder Red Gloves.

Yes, the same to you, Alyssa.

Thunder looked up at her, confused. You know each other?

Oh yeah. We met when I passed through about five years ago.

Yes, the newcomer remarked, but I was only a pikachu then

Oh, thats right. When did you evolve? Alyssa looked down at him, smiling.

Red Gloves smiled at Alyssa, and then turned it on Thunder. About three

Thunder, who had been looking back and forth between the two, confused, suddenly broke in. Hey, Alyssa, how can you recognize him if he was a pikachu before? And

Sammy leaned against a nearby tree and spoke, interrupting Thunder. Its his gloves, Thunder. They tell you his name.

Thunder looked up at Sammy, more confused than before. What are you talking about? How do his gloves help?

Its simple. Here, everyone gets turned into a pikachu at an early age and after that, its hard to tell people apart. Because of this, we all wear some article of clothing from the time were about five and whatever it is becomes our new name.

SoYour name is Red Gloves cause you wear red gloves, right? Thunder smiled, no longer confused. I get it now, but

But what? The Elder smiled cheerfully, enjoying the talk.

I was just wondering, how does everyone here turn into a pikachu? Thunder cocked his head wonderingly, not able to guess the obvious.

You have to ask, Red Gloves asked, laughing at him. It seems like you should know.

I still dont get it, Red Gloves. How would I know?

Sammy laughed quietly. How did you become a pikachu, Thunder?

Thunder looked down at himself, then back at Red Gloves. Oh, thats it. Pikaberrys.

Yes, The Elder said, turning around and beginning to walk away. If you need to rest, the Pokemon Center is across the lane from the Gym. He continued walking, eventually disappearing around a building.

Thunder yawned, and then jumped onto Alyssas shoulder. Lets go, Alyssa. I need to rest before I challenge the Gym Leader.

Yeah, I need to rest myself, and I have a feeling Sammy does too. Alyssa started to walk southwest, towards the Pokemon Center, Sammy following close behind.


The sun set behind the tall mountain as Thunder walked towards the base, searching for the hole he knew would be there. He slowly walked into the mountain, hearing a loud roaring followed by heavy footsteps. As the sound grew louder and louder and the source became closer and closer, he...


woke up and looked around at the walls of the Pokemon Center from his bed. That was one weird dream, he thought, really, really weird. He walked to the desk by the door of the small room and jumped on top of it. He picked up a pen and wrote clumsily on a small sheet of paper. After writing the note to Sammy and Alyssa, he jumped to the floor and walked out the door after waking Pikachu. See ya later, you two.


Hey, anyone here? Thunder walked into the empty anteroom of the gym from outside. The door closed behind him as Red Shoes came rushing out of the training room.

Finally! A challenger! He ran up and hugged Thunder, while the latter stood there in shock, wondering about this guys behavior.

Um, uh Thunder smiled awkwardly.

Red Shoes stepped back from Thunder and looked closely at him. Sorry, I havent had a challenger all day and I just got overexcited. He smiled apologetically, rubbing the back of his head.

I-Its okay, Thunder said, turning his head back as Pikachu walked inside.

So, uh, you are here to challenge me, right? Red Shoes shuffled his slippered back paws, looking at Thunders pikachu.

Yeah, Thunder said, Ive been looking forward to this battle since I left Sparkleberry.

Really? Red Shoes walked to the door to the battle room and opened it. Then lets go.

Thunder and Pikachu started to walk through but were stopped by Red Shoes before they made it.

Wait, whats your name?

Thunder looked into Red Shoes face and smiled. Thunder Ketchum.


They all entered the arena, anxious to begin the battle.

You ready to lose, Thunder? Red Shoes walked to his end of the room as he asked the question.

Thunder laughed as he faced his opponent from the opposite of the field. Im ready for any impossibility, Red Shoes.

Impossibility, huh? Red Shoes laughed, then turned serious. You could lose, you know.

I know. Im just overconfident.

Really? They faced each other, waiting to begin.

Now, the blue belted pikachu said from the sidelines, Each of you may use two Pokemon. The challenger can switch at any time, but the gym leader may not.

We got that, Blue Belt. Hurry it up. Red Shoes turned towards the referee after saying this.

Oh, sorry, Red Shoes. Blue Belt shot an apologetic look at the gym leader. Okay then, the Thunderfist rule is The entire room is in bounds. He smiled, then sat down near the wall opposite the door.

Thunderfist rule, Thunder asked, confused.

Every gym has its own special rule and thats ours.

Thunder looked at the pokeball he had already pulled out of his bag. Every gym in Kojen, anyway.

What, Red Shoes asked Oh, never mind.



(To Be Continued)

Alana
November 6th, 2005, 11:37 AM
Nice chapter. The story is getting very interesting though I think I'd rather stay human than be turned into a Pikacuhu. :P Keep writing and post the next one soon.

pokefan89
November 7th, 2005, 11:52 AM
actually, this chapter isn't done yet. I'm going to have the gym fight in this chapter.

thx to all reading my fic. and my grammer is getting better, mainly because I am getting it proofread before putting it on here.

.-'Infernal Hylian'-.
November 7th, 2005, 11:56 AM
I can see the fic becoming good. I see a small improvment on the grammar.

pokefan89
November 29th, 2005, 05:58 AM
here's the rest of chapter three:


Chapter Three (continued)


Go, machop! Red Shoes pressed the button on his pokeball, revealing a machop in a flash of red light. Thunder did the same, releasing his torchic from the pokeball he held.
Hmmm, a fire type, Red Shoes whispered, Interesting choice.

Machop and Torchic stood, facing each other, ready to begin. Now, Blue Belt announced, begin!

Thunder looked at his torchic, as confident as ever.

Machop, use body slam! Machop glowered at the opposing Pokemon, then began to run in Torchics direction.


Maaaa, she yelled as she suddenly threw herself at Torchic.

Look out, Torchic! Thunder looked on as Machop flew at his Pokemon. As Torchic was about to be hit, he jumped to one side, causing Machop to slam into the wall behind Thunder. Torchic turned around and looked past Thunder, who was looking back at Machop. Ember attack, now, Thunder commanded.

Torrr! Torchic opened his mouth and released a stream of fire at Machop. It hit the pokemon as she stood up and she then fell back down on her face.

Way to go, Torchic. Now, use peck!

Torchic ran towards Machop, beak outstretched. From the opposite end of the room, Red Shoes let out a cry of alarm, which quickly turned into a silent sneer as his machop stood. She faced Torchic and grabbed him by the beak with both hands. Thunder shot a worried look at his pokemon, who was struggling to get away from Machop.

Torchic, hang in-

Before Thunder could finish speaking, Red Shoes broke in, nearly laughing at this point. Now, Machop, seismic toss!

Machop lifted Torchic into the air and then ran towards the wall, grabbing his head with her free hand. She reached Red Shoes side of the room and jumped at the wall, rebounding off of it higher into the air, still holding Torchic. As she neared the apex of her jump, she prepared to throw Torchic to the ground, raising him above her head and flipping upside down in midair. Her feet met a post suspended from the ceiling and she got ready to spring off.

Before she did, however, Thunder yelled, Scratch, Torchic! to his pokemon.

As Machop sprung off from the post, Torchic swung his foot at her, scratching her, which caused her to flinch and not complete the throw. She flew at the ground, hitting it headfirst, along with Torchic. They skidded and hit the wall, knocking them both out.

Blue Belt, looking at the two pokemon, announced, Machop and Torchic are unable to battle. You each have one pokemon left to battle with.

Red Shoes and Thunder recalled their pokemon, looking at each other as they did. Pretty good, Thunder, but now I know Im going to win.


Red Shoes smiled at his opponent as he reached his other pokeball on the ground.

Oh really? What makes you so sure? Thunder clipped Torchics pokeball onto his backpack (Thunders, not Torchics), looking back at Red Shoes afterward. You havent seen me at my best yet.

Oh? The gym leader let out his pikachu, named Blue Ear (from the blue bandanna tied around his right ear), then looked at Thunder. Go get em, Blue Ear!

Get ready, Pikachu!

The gym leader and the challenger, along with their respective pokemon, looked across the room at their opponents. They, all four of them, smiled confidently at their opponents. The room was silent as Blue Belt glanced back and forth between the two battlers, waiting for one to begin the second half.

Suddenly, Thunder broke the silence, shouting, Quick attack, to his pikachu.

Yeah, Pikachu said as he began to run towards Blue Ear.

As he neared his target, Red Shoes yelled, Electric Shield, now!

Blue Ears generators sparked, and then a thin sheet of electricity covered him. Pikachu ran into the other pokemon, running as fast as he could. The impact caused Blue Ear to fly back into the wall behind his trainer. The electricity surrounding him softened the blow an injured Pikachu slightly.

Wow, Pikachu said, smiling painfully, that was good.

Blue Ear returned the smile as his shield dissipated. Pretty good yourself, he said as he stood up again.

You know, its not a good idea to attack blindly like that, Thunder. Red Shoes sent a superior smile in his opponents direction, thinking Thunder was a fool.

Thunder laughed, then looked Red Shoes in the eye and slowly said, I never attack blindly.

Red Shoes tensed up at Thunders words while the latter started things up again.

Okay Pikachu, lets get serious. Set One, now!

Pikachu began to run towards Blue Ear again.

This again? I cant believe this guy, Red Shoes thought while he looked at Thunder incredulously and shouted, Electric Shield, to his pikachu.

As Blue Ear once again formed a thin covering of electricity over his body, Pikachu formed a paper-thin covering over his, which erupted into a thick shield as he neared his opponent.
The gym leaders face registered surprise at the sudden turn as Pikachu slammed into Blue Ear again, this time absorbing his shield and shocking him (Blue Ear, not Pikachu). He then jumped back and ran towards Blue Ear again, jumping and tumbling towards Blue Ear.
When he got close, his tail glowed, becoming hard as steel. He slammed it into Blue Ear, sending him into the wall.

Blue Ear! Get up! Red Shoes stared at his pokemon, who was struggling to stand.

Dont worry, Red Shoes, Blue Ear said, struggling to stand up and stay on two paws.

I wont, now use thunderbolt.

Blue Ears generators sparked as he fired off a bolt of electricity, which struck Pikachu and was absorbed into his shield.

Dont you know better, Red Shoes? Electric attacks dont work against my pikachus shield. Thunder laughed quietly, but he was quickly silenced by his opponents next words.

I know more about that attack than you do, Thunder. Red Shoes laughed this time, then said, Keep using thunderbolt, Blue Ear.

Will do. Pi-ka-chu!! Blue Ear let out bolt after bolt, all of them hitting Pikachu, who didnt move throughout the entire barrage.

After Pikachu had absorbed two dozen bolts, Thunder yelled, Discharge, now!

As Pikachu prepared to discharge his now nearly one foot thick shield, drawing the electricity into his generator and adding a little more to it, Blue Ear yelled, Nooo! and fired off one final thunderbolt.
It struck Pikachu and was absorbed like the others. Red Shoes smiled at the look of surprise that spread over Pikachus face. Sparks flew from his cheeks, coursing over his body and shocking him. They started to fly out from him, hitting the walls and the ceiling, then seeming to fly back at him. The electricity continued to flow out of his generators for nearly a minute, while Thunder looked on, frozen in shock.

W-Whats happening? Thunder didnt know what to think about this sudden turn of events.

Its called an overload. A pokemon can only hold so much electricity. When the limit is reached

This happens, Thunder finished Red Shoess sentence, looking dejectedly at his pikachu as he spoke.

Thats right. Red Shoes laughed while Blue Belt, who had been cowering near the wall, walked up to Pikachu after the overload had ended.

Pikachu is unable to battle. Red Shoes wins! He smiled at the gym leader as he put his pikachu back inside his pokeball.

Looks like I lose, Red Shoes. Thunder started to walk towards the door, still happy in spite of losing.

Wait, when are you going to challenge me again?

Thunder turned around and smiled at Red Shoes. Someday. He paused. When I come back.

Oh, so I guess youre leaving soon.

Tomorrow. Thunder and Pikachu left the room, anticipating the rematch months later. They paused at the front door and said their goodbyes to Red Shoes and Blue Belt. Then, they walked out of the gym.

Alana
November 29th, 2005, 06:39 AM
Good job. Still saw some grammar errors but nothing too bad. ^_^ Keep writing and post the next chapter soon. :rambo:

pokefan89
November 19th, 2006, 06:34 PM
okay. all those question marks, not my fault. Also, if anyone wants to read more of "A New View", they can check out my site. (http://freewebs.com/animerpg23)