June 24th, 2005, 2:26 PM
The fear inside of us
The you inside of me
I may have thought I could let go
But I cannot
Because you are my balance
Did I really wish you gone?
Though I left you behind
I was never really gone...
I still loved you along
Every time I tried to let go
I came back to find you
I would do anything to be with you
You're all I thought about
My biggest mistake was to try to forget you
Even though I have you back
I still suffer inside
June 28th, 2005, 6:55 PM
Hmmm...I don't really know what happened in the poem unless the person's true love died...it didn't really rhyme...
June 28th, 2005, 9:06 PM
it didn't really rhyme...
If a person is skilled enough with the art of poetry, rhyme is completely unnecessary when it comes to crafting poem. In fact, there's two styles made completely of unrhymed poetry: blank verse and free verse. (Blank verse still follows some sort of meter, where free verse doesn't have rhythm or rhyme.) Both have become fairly popular in the world of modern poetry, especially free verse. (Note: There's also the Japanese styles of poetry -- most notably haiku, which follows a pattern of five syllables in the first line, seven in the next, and five in the last. I like to think of it as another form of blank verse, though actual blank verse follows iambic pentameter, or lines of stressed followed by unstressed syllables arranged in groups of five pairs per line.)
And yes, I did say "if a person is skilled enough with the art of poetry." It isn't meant to be an insult. It's just that neither form is really recommended if you're not much of a poet to begin with, especially free verse. If you do attempt it (and you aren't much of a poet), most likely you'll come up with something that just doesn't sound that great.
Personally, I think that free verse poetry allows for the most artistic expression. The poet is no longer confined by the boundaries of feet (aka beat, rhythm, whatever you'd like to call it) or rhyme schemes. It's just them and their emotions, their thoughts, and their images.
And as a side note, I think that rhyming poetry is fairly tacky and amateurish (especially those going by an AABB scheme), but that's probably just me.
Anyways, to the poet...
I couldn't help but think of the music video for "It's All Coming Back to Me" by Celine Dion, where she goes through an empty house in a billowing, white dress as she expresses her remorse for leaving her (or over her dead) lover. It's interesting how you captured the pain that attachment due to love can cause: the willingness to let go, yet the reluctance to forget. It's hard to imagine whether the character is speaking to herself (to lure herself into confessing that the relationship wasn't worth it, only to fail and admit that she loved the very person she wants to bury in her memories) or directly to the object of her affections, but either way, it was good.
All I can say is keep up the good work.
June 29th, 2005, 12:34 AM
It's quite good. Like what was said beforehand there doesn't seem to be any rhyme. But don't worry. Not all poems need that. =)
All up it's good but it is a tiny bit sad. ^^;