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Gohan
June 26th, 2005, 06:58 PM
My *first* try at poetry so go ahead and criticize me.

Has he always been like this?

What do you know,
When you stare at his face,
Do you feel anger? Hate?
Why so suddenly,
Why so recently,
This chain of events,
Leading towards what you already know.
This boy is the one.
The one you've always loved.
Until...
He changed into a demonic boy.
The one you always knew,
The one you always loved,
Is here...
No more

O-kaay! There you go! Now come and tell me it stinks!

Kaylee
June 26th, 2005, 09:22 PM
Wow, I loved it. Lots of feelings and emotion running through those lines. It even made a little story in my head, keep up the good work. You have talent. ^^

bgt
June 27th, 2005, 12:06 AM
My *first* try at poetry so go ahead and criticize me.

Has he always been like this?

What do you know,
When you stare at his face,
Do you feel anger? Hate?
Why so suddenly,
Why so recently,
This chain of events,
Leading towards what you already know.
This boy is the one.
The one you've always loved.
Until...
He changed into a demonic boy.
The one you always knew,
The one you always loved,
Is here...
No more

O-kaay! There you go! Now come and tell me it stinks!

well, for one, why would I go and tell you it stinks?... that would be mean and I don't give negative criticism to people's first try. kinda makes me think of the anime Inuyasha or something, lol, maybe not... erm, its a wonderful first poem and I hope you become to develop even greater poems and awe me in your greatness :P

Gohan
June 27th, 2005, 09:20 AM
Really? Thanks! And no it wasn't based off Inuyasha but I guess it turned out somehow like that.