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愛Forgotten Angel愛
June 27th, 2005, 01:44 AM
Just something I wrote...

Standing there
I can take it,
Can't I?
I can take the torture
I can take the laughter
I can take the pain,
Can't I?

Standing there,
I can take it,
Can't I?
I can take the screaming
I can take the blood-shed
I can take the pain,
Can't I?

Standing there,
I can take it,
Can't I?
I can take the tight chains
I can take the spiked collar
I can take the pain,
Can't I?

Standing there,
I can take it,
Can't I?
I can take everything that goes wrong
I can take everyone's hate
I can take the pain,
Can't I?

No.
It's too much to bear.

Standing there,
I can't take it anymore
That's why...it all equaled Suicide

Go ahead, tell me it's sucky...

Eon-Rider
June 27th, 2005, 01:48 AM
Uh... I think it is OK... Nice title :P. It is good how you repeat parts.

fuzzywuzzy
June 27th, 2005, 09:41 AM
that is one of you better poems. but personally I think you are ore of a story writer than a poet. But hey thats just me.

Kratos
June 27th, 2005, 05:23 PM
OMG, that was the best you ever wrote that was really good. One of the best I have heard hear.

Caroline
June 27th, 2005, 09:51 PM
Very good work. My favourite part of it is the 'I can take it' parts.
Keep up with the great work.

Sumomo & Kotoko
June 27th, 2005, 10:05 PM
Its sad how it all leads up to suicide, but it was still good.

Anna-chan
June 27th, 2005, 10:07 PM
*blinks* I really like it... I think it's good.. sounds like something I'd write.

Natsuki
July 6th, 2005, 09:40 PM
Awwws, this poem is so sad! ;o; It depicts the human mind in a way. ^^; How one can only hope to stay strong and try to endure all of the evils of the world...yet still humans can only bear so much hatred and pain.

Nice work on this poem, Undine Shade~!

~Kelsey