View Full Version : Things you don't say to a cop.

June 30th, 2005, 6:46 PM
Just post things you don't say to a cop. It is pretty easy!

"Want a donut?"
now you go!

June 30th, 2005, 6:48 PM
Hey Tubby. Lay of those doughnuts. Stop chasing the Dunkin Doughnuts truck!
I never said that though.

June 30th, 2005, 6:52 PM
"La La La, I can't hear you!"

lol I likey that one

June 30th, 2005, 6:53 PM
lol pretty good! Lets see. I said this one but It was my uncle. Dunkin Donuts is closed go home.

June 30th, 2005, 6:57 PM

A cop pulls you over for speeding and walks up to your window.
you pull out a twenty dollar bill and show him it and say: Hey, why don't we just forget about all this...

Lol, my Reading Teacher told us her daughter did that once xD

June 30th, 2005, 10:48 PM
Hey, wanna a Pokemon battle?

Heh heh heh.

Crystal Clair
July 1st, 2005, 7:31 AM
I got one
Let me just finish this pack of beer I got here....
Listen! Now now! I'm on my cell phone.....

Cybex Mewtwo
July 1st, 2005, 7:32 AM
"If I poke your stomach will you giggle?"

I saw a short dedicated to this at the mall...but this one was made-up. I'll have to find the shirt and find some quotes.

July 1st, 2005, 7:35 AM
"Why no, officer, I can't imagine why you pulled me over! Now, if you wouldn't mind, please move your *bleep*ing car so that I can continue my game of "hit the road signs"!

Raichu Master
July 1st, 2005, 1:19 PM
Here's one:

No it's not marijuana, officer! It's cocaine.

July 1st, 2005, 1:31 PM

"Your not gonna check the trunk are you?"

July 1st, 2005, 1:33 PM
man: dont you do ANY exersize
cop: YES I DO!
man: what the "one armed donut curl"!

Raichu Master
July 1st, 2005, 1:38 PM
What if I said I could eat more donuts than you and still not get as fat?

July 1st, 2005, 1:39 PM
"On the way to the station can we stop and get a 12 pack?"

"Wait a second officer, can you hold my beer while i get my license."

Raichu Master
July 1st, 2005, 4:52 PM
Yes, I'm drinking and driving. Yes, I have illegal drugs in my system right now. No you can't arrest me.

July 1st, 2005, 5:00 PM
"What's wrong, ossifer, there's no blood in my alcohol?"

When he talks to you, pretend you are deaf.

Pretend you are gay and ask him out.

When he says no, cry.

If he says yes, accuse him of sexual harassment.

Before you sign the ticket, pick your nose. You have to sign with his pen.

Chew on the pen, nervously.

Clean your ear with the pen.

If it's a click pen, take it apart and play with the spring.

Raichu Master
July 1st, 2005, 5:08 PM
How many officers does it take to get up on a latter to change a light bulb? Only you, you're the only who could fit!

I wasn't speeding, you were going faster than me!

Have you ever been arrested for speeding? No? Than don't be a hypocrit!

How many fingers am I holding up? 5? No, 4! The thumb isn't a finger, it looks like I ain't the one drunk!

Overlord IX
July 1st, 2005, 5:41 PM
*waves hand*
You dont need to see my identification.

Raichu Master
July 1st, 2005, 5:46 PM
I'm sorry, officer! I thought 95 was the speed limit, I must have thought I was on the belt way.

This isn't the Autobond (?)!? I'm not in German!? Wo bin ich!?

Overlord IX
July 1st, 2005, 5:53 PM
Im a member of the national anti-donut foundation.

July 1st, 2005, 6:07 PM
I hate the bald poeple dont you? Especialy if they have mustaches! Oh...you fit that description...? Uh... wanna doughnut fatty?

July 1st, 2005, 6:27 PM
this will only work for a woman,

"Well officer while your at it why don't we check out the back of your car?" wink wink...

July 1st, 2005, 7:25 PM
"Can you hurry up and right the ticket, your wife is waiting on me.."

July 2nd, 2005, 12:37 PM
yes I was drinking yes I did murder the man in the back of the trunk no I won't go out with you*calls the police*

NiNGi's Worst Nightmare
July 2nd, 2005, 12:41 PM
My dad did this when we were driving back from Canada, and got put in jail for 12 hours:

"Pop quiz! Guess what I have in my trunk!

A) Nothing
B) 50 kilos of illegal things
C) A bomb
D) Terrorists"

July 2nd, 2005, 12:56 PM
Hey, can you not arrest me if I give you some [name of a drug]? It'll really calm your nerves :]

NiNGi's Worst Nightmare
July 2nd, 2005, 1:43 PM
I'm not drunk, ossifer, I swear!

Raichu Master
July 2nd, 2005, 5:26 PM
I could see why.

And how many donuts have you ate walking over here?

United squirtle
July 8th, 2005, 12:05 PM
stay still I'm going to arrest you

Deadly Aim
July 8th, 2005, 6:42 PM
Drunk: "Ta Name ish John Koo Pahplic(John Q. Public), Ahm dwonk ahnd ahm Wihh tah golvahmint."

*flashes badge that isn't real and collapses on the officer drooling on him*

Cop: *rolls eyes* "ehh, yeah Marty, its him, alright. Geez, and the feds hired you to protect our country... I'm quivering with chilliness... WOO!"

(skips off to corner and comntinues chilliness*

July 8th, 2005, 6:54 PM
COP: Son your eyes look SHOT, have you been DRINKING?
YOU: Officer your eyes look GLAZED, have you been eating donuts?

July 8th, 2005, 9:19 PM
Mr. Officer Man, *blinks* I gonna f**kin' kill your little f**kin family if arrest me, b**ch!

July 9th, 2005, 8:48 AM
Mr. Officer Man, *blinks* I gonna f**kin' kill your little f**kin family if arrest me, b**ch!
... Lol in a can right there. :P

'Let's try this one more time. I did not leave the drugs at home.'

July 9th, 2005, 8:50 AM
cop: "Do you know it's against the law to drink and drive?"
you: "Of course! You might spill your beer!"


July 9th, 2005, 1:54 PM
right you see that dude over their yeah he told me that speed cameras might be a health hazard and he said that I shoud hit it and reverse back over it and save peoples lives

what its odd but may work

Sapphire Skitty
July 9th, 2005, 3:25 PM
I'll call the cops on you if you even think about taking my doughnut, wideload.

July 10th, 2005, 9:48 AM
You want the donut? *Holds donut up high* Go fetch the donut! *Throws the donut in officer's face*

Look! A monkey! *Drives off and hits 5 pedestrians*

Sapphire Skitty
July 10th, 2005, 1:35 PM
Charmander (32)

Oh my god...................you're scaring the crap out of me with your stupid little piece of paper.........please don't write me to death.........


July 11th, 2005, 9:57 AM
'Aren't you suspended for malpractice?'
It may not seem funny to you, but yesterday I ran into a friend of mine, and he told me two of the Sparta Police got suspended for eight days for malpractice. The day it came in the newspaper was the day they got suspended. We ran into officer Hoinne (sp?) the same day in his squad car. He asked if anything was wrong and we're like "yea." and said the above line. It wasnt smart. We could have gotten a ticket for obstructing an officer, but we didn't so there-fore he WAS suspended AND impersonating a police officer.

July 11th, 2005, 7:29 PM
Eh I'll give it a try.

*pokes Cop's stomach*
I've always wondered something. Do cops like get keys to all the donut shops in town so they can sneak into 'em in the middle of the night?! I can see in your case that it's true. Doesn't your wife feel bad about being married to a **** huge ol' porker? *eyes pop out*

Cop dude: Okay, kid. Get outta the car and walk this line.
You: While don't you ossifererer. The beer in the car'll get lonely.

Cop: Okay kid! The jig is up! I know you're drinking beer underage!
You: NO! The jig is on you **** ol' cop! I know you're cheating on your wife!

Cop: Open up the trunk kid. You're speeding and now you need to get a ticket. Plus I have reason to believe you've got illegal drugs. In the trunk.
You: No you're wrong. The drugs are in the front. The bi***** I just killed are in the trunk. That's how I work. I fight with them for a while, then shoot 'em. It's so easy. By the way, you're wife and daughter are in there.

Arcanine Fan 101
July 11th, 2005, 9:25 PM
I never said this but we say behind there backs alot

1.Theres no Dounut shop in town go home HOGS!
2.There go the PIGs of sherrif vile
3.Onk ONk Im a cop
4.Go Home the Nearest Dunken Donut Shop is CLOSED for life
5.The Pigs are dricken Coffe and eaten Donuts!

NiNGi's Worst Nightmare
July 12th, 2005, 11:02 AM
"BEER TAG! *throws a can of beer at the cop* You're it!"

Asura Nirosuki
July 14th, 2005, 2:32 AM
Hey Defighy Dog!.*flicks the Cops Cat off*.Be a Good Boy! Be a good Officer Now!. :D

July 14th, 2005, 8:53 PM
Hey wanna hear a song? *Starts to sing the tune to the Meow Mix song* I like chicken! I like liver! Meow Mix! Meow Mix! Please deliver!

It's okely dokey offeecer I'm a drunkee *head falls on steering wheel causing horn to go off*

July 14th, 2005, 8:55 PM
Your real name if your in alot of trouble XD

July 15th, 2005, 12:47 AM
Your real name if your in alot of trouble XD
I love that. So clever. XD

Insanity Mawile
July 15th, 2005, 6:40 PM
Screw you! I'm not afraid of the man! *pimp slaps the cop*

Dark Magician
July 15th, 2005, 6:59 PM
While strret racing
"Not now, I'm gonna lose!"

July 21st, 2005, 11:48 AM
Hey, did you see that episode of the Simpsons when Chief Wiggum...

Deadly Aim
August 10th, 2005, 5:58 PM
"Henshin a-go-go, baby!"

Sorry, couldn't resist!

August 10th, 2005, 6:08 PM

I'm so artistic.... XD XD XD

August 10th, 2005, 6:22 PM
get pulled over for sppeding* say "hey whats that over there" point behind them and if they turn around PUNCH IT!

August 10th, 2005, 6:29 PM
**** off drinking and driving ain't a crime or anything

August 10th, 2005, 7:24 PM
"I not speeding." *Grabs a donut* "want a donut and we say this never happen" *Drives away really fast*

August 10th, 2005, 8:53 PM
If you're accused of storing illegal drugs in your trunk:
You: I hope you believe me, Officer, but there's a Dragon in my trunk.
Cop: Very funny, kid. *opens trunk, gets eaten by Komodo Dragon*
You: I tried to warn you.

If you're pulled over for speeding:
You: I'm not going over the speed limit. I'm challenging it.

If you're just arrested as a suspect:
You: Want a donut?

August 14th, 2005, 11:27 PM
Ok mr ossifer..if i am drunk you are fat....opps u r....*passes out*

August 14th, 2005, 11:30 PM
I'm kinda congfused. How are cops associated with doughnuts?

August 14th, 2005, 11:42 PM
Its na american sterio type thing,

You know, in the movies, the cop is always fat, and always eats donuts

August 14th, 2005, 11:43 PM
Oh, OK. I don't watch many of those movies XD

August 14th, 2005, 11:48 PM
Well.... I havn't watched one of those movies in a long time XD

But its kinda an old sterio type

But just to keep on topic

I wouldn't tell a cop


My name

August 14th, 2005, 11:49 PM
You'd have to, else you'd be breaking the law.

August 14th, 2005, 11:51 PM
Well, They don't know i'm not tellin them my name if i tell them someone elses XD

August 15th, 2005, 1:12 AM
**** off drinking and driving ain't a crime or anything
Wow. If I had a trophy for "Most Mature and Intelligent Person of the Year", I'd certainly give it to you.

Happy Dude
August 15th, 2005, 1:14 AM
^ Totally Kylie you took the words out of my mouth.XD XD XD

I wouln't say to a cop "can i borrow your gun" That's weird.XD XD XD

August 15th, 2005, 1:20 AM
XD Once a visiting policeman showed us his gun... o_O;

August 15th, 2005, 5:20 AM
Oooh... I saw policepeople with batons, they were funny XD

August 15th, 2005, 8:08 AM
Please stay on topic!
I know. turn around and cover your ears. *peels out and tears off*

Random Plushie
August 15th, 2005, 8:51 PM
I saw this on World's Wildest Police Videos once..

Well, the suspect has just run several people off the road, avoided road blocks, sped through intersections, blown a tire out, thrown his passenger out of the truck, and hit an officer. Now he's finally given up.

Cop: What is your problem, man!?!

Guy: I need another beer.


August 15th, 2005, 9:32 PM
This is not bad. I heard a joke about it once.

No ossifer, I'm not a dancer, I'm just drunk!

Random Plushie
August 15th, 2005, 9:57 PM
I didn't know we couldn't turn left there! I didn't even see a sign!

Quote my Mom. Came back next day and saw a sign that read: No left turn.

August 16th, 2005, 11:19 AM
Have you always been that fat? or is it just a new thing?

August 16th, 2005, 11:29 AM
Well my brother's a cop. So I can say anything I want to him XD

August 16th, 2005, 8:37 PM
"Hey isn't eating donuts and looking fat just a steriotype?"
Fat Officer With donut:
"Of course! Us cops are as thin as regular people."
"So you're not regular? Hey can i have a bite of that donut?"

August 20th, 2005, 8:14 AM
Ossifer...I tink i gots to much of the alchol in me..