View Full Version : (No Title) A new poem.

Cybex Mewtwo
July 1st, 2005, 7:21 AM
Withdraw from everyone
This must be the only answer
I have nothing to give for nothing that is done

Death invades my dreams
It's like fate to test me
I guess this is what will happen or so it seems

I wake up screaming
Nightmares keep me from sleep
All black and dark inside I can't see a thing

My days reek of failure
Time stops for no one
I feel like such a stranger

I get no respect anywhere
I look around for a hint of kindness
But it's neither here nor there

Home is my only hope
My slice of heaven from this place of hate
A place to help me cope

Death would have crept on me sooner than you'd think
I'd drop very fast...so very quick...
but things of doom disappear in a blink

I live on.

JX Valentine
July 1st, 2005, 9:22 AM
Not bad for slant rhyme.

I must say, you've captured the emotion fairly well. What I dwell on most is the "death invades my dreams" line. Fairly morbid, but it's interesting to bend it to try to imagine what the narrator (aka you, I suppose) actually dreams about.

Other than that, I feel the same now and then, so that means you've said things in a way that allows the reader to connect with the poem. Granted, I'm not much of one for angst, but I must say this wasn't bad at all.

(Okay, yes. Sorry for the rambling.)

Cybex Mewtwo
July 1st, 2005, 4:50 PM
You are not rambling. You're simply speaking your mind upon my work. There's no shame in that.

Midori Chi
July 22nd, 2005, 4:39 PM
Yay for rhyming! I like any poem that rhymes..so..I give it..a 9 out 10..