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Sumomo & Kotoko
July 4th, 2005, 12:44 PM
I wrote this out of hate to the person I loved. She broke my heart and diden't even care that she did. This is to her.

The Feeling

When ever I was with you,
It was like all my problems,
All my worries,
All my troubles,
All my responsibilitys,
All my pains,
All my fears,
They all just left my mind.
I diden't even think about them when I was with you.
It would feel like a great burden had been lifted,
Every time I was with you.
The feelings I had are unimaginable to any body unless they to feel this way,
Or have felt that way.
Its a feeling that I doubt any one can ever imagen,
And a feeling I never will feel about you again.

Gohan
July 4th, 2005, 12:55 PM
I like it. I do a lot of things in hate too. Once I ripped some of this girl's hair out at a swimming pool...O.o Anyway. I've felt that before. But, once again, we ended up laughing.

Cybex Mewtwo
July 4th, 2005, 04:36 PM
If I ever felt the hatred you felt like that, I would do things that should never ever be mentioned here in this forum. Plus, my mother would break her teeth into her skull if she ever found out someone 'hurt her baby'. I love it.

Natsuki
July 6th, 2005, 11:54 AM
The Feeling

When ever (Whenever) I was with you,
It was like all my problems,
All my worries,
All my troubles,
All my responsibilitys (responsibilities),
All my pains,
All my fears,
They all just left my mind.
I diden't (didn't) even think about them when I was with you.
It would feel like a great burden had been lifted,
Every time I was with you.
The feelings I had are unimaginable to any body (anybody) unless they to (too) feel this way,
Or have felt that way.
Its (It's) a feeling that I doubt any one can ever imagen (imagine),
And a feeling I never will feel about you again.

This is quite a sad poem. .__. It does have feeling in it, like a feeling of betrayl and tragic loss. I can understand that feeling of falling love only to have your heart torn in two.

Now, as you can see in the quote above, I corrected spelling and grammar errors for you. ^o^ But there's one line that kind of bothers me a bit. X3

"The feelings I had are unimaginable to anybody unless they too feel this way,"

Now with this line, it's actually the first few words that are causing the problems. ^^; It should either read "The feelings I have are..." or "The feelings I had were..." Either of those two will work fine. :33

Nice job on the poem though, Raven's Phoenix, keep up the good work. ^^

~Kelsey

Midori Chi
July 7th, 2005, 06:36 AM
Great poem! ^_^ Shows happiness, sadness..Very well together..nice flow to it...

Sumomo & Kotoko
July 11th, 2005, 09:05 AM
Thanx every one. And thank you Kelsey, I'll try and spell better next poem, lol. :D