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Midori Chi
July 6th, 2005, 09:49 AM
Here's a poem I made up.....


Never to be forgotten

There was a time, a happy time. We were together.
Nothing could of torn us apart.
You told me that you loved me, a night never to be forgotten.
A storm came, a storm that took us away from eachother.
That day never to be forgotten.
Maybe, just maybe, we will be together again. No storm to take us.
When that day comes, it will never be forgotten.
Never...

Natsuki
July 6th, 2005, 11:45 AM
Here's a poem I made up.....


Never to be forgotten

There was a time, a happy time. We were together.
Nothing could of have torn us apart.
You told me that you loved me, a night never to be forgotten.
A storm came, a storm that took us away from eachother.
That day never to be forgotten.
Maybe, just maybe, we will be together again. No storm to take us.
When that day comes, it will never be forgotten.
Never...

This is truly a very sweet poem. ^^ There's only a few minor errors. :33 As you can see, in the second line of your poem, it should read "Nothing could have torn us apart." rather than "Nothing could of torn us apart."

Also, in the fifth line, that whole line is a sentence fragment. It sounds incomplete. I suggest that you try this instead: "That day shall never be forgotten" or something along those lines, to make the poem flow a bit better. ^o^

All in all this is a very wonderful poem. :3 It shows the love that two people ahve for each other, worshipping their time together until some outside force tears them apart. Well done Midori, kudos from me! XD

~Kelsey

Midori Chi
July 6th, 2005, 02:37 PM
Ah, thanx for the advice! I'll be sure to fix that sometime..

Sumomo & Kotoko
July 6th, 2005, 07:34 PM
Here's a poem I made up.....


Never to be forgotten

There was a time, a happy time. We were together.
Nothing could of torn us apart.
You told me that you loved me, a night never to be forgotten.
A storm came, a storm that took us away from eachother.
That day never to be forgotten.
Maybe, just maybe, we will be together again. No storm to take us.
When that day comes, it will never be forgotten.
Never...
I think I know who your talking about.

Tis is a wonderful poem, I loved it.

Midori Chi
July 7th, 2005, 06:35 AM
Thankies! *blushes* Oh, do you now?

Cybex Mewtwo
July 9th, 2005, 04:50 PM
I really liked this poem....it touches my heart ever so tenderly...makes me feel like anything is possible if you're willing to endure hardships beyond your control to get what you wish for the most...

Midori Chi
July 9th, 2005, 05:11 PM
Thankies, buddy! ^_^ I really put my heart in for this poem...

Caroline
July 11th, 2005, 01:56 AM
I liked it. It's very well written. Keep up with the great work. ^_^

Midori Chi
July 11th, 2005, 07:06 AM
Thanx! ^_^ So, does it need any fixing?

Sumomo & Kotoko
July 11th, 2005, 08:59 AM
Not that I can see. And du'h, I know who its about. ;) :D

Midori Chi
July 11th, 2005, 02:16 PM
Okay! Yay for no mistakes!