Since your death (rap)

[<<-_Lord-Krishna_->>]

Ok here is a rap I will put in my demo, but Its not done , any suggestions, or lines that will improve the rap are welcomed. peace out.

(gunshots in the background)(then you hear sirens)

Scott lane, was the streets name

Were my uncle did his game

One day I was home alone

When I hear gunshots in my driveway

I see you in the floor bleedin "Im like no way"

I try to yell but theres nothin to say

My life had been good but suddenly turned grey

Now im here thinkin is the grass truly greener on the other side

I even thought of commitin suicide

Just couldn't bear to live through another homicide

I still have nightmares in the night

Sometimes I cannot longer fight

Its a burden I carry to have witnessed your death

I live like in a rain of pain, every drop is a shot

I feel I could have prevented yo fall

But I guess it was destinys call

There was nothing I could do

But watch them gangster kill at you

(Chorus: Living life is like a dream, it aint never how it seems
Wish there was some paradise
were I witness no more crimes
cuz im tired of hearin cries)

All these years my rage has taken over me

I just hope It aint too late to be set free

I only blame myself its like im living a lie

A lie im gonna take with me till the day I die

Every day without my uncle is a fight between wrong and right

Cuz he's no longer there to teach me to stand up when I fall

He's no longer here to tell me to keep in the tall

Its through my rhymes I express my noexistent crimes

To you I confessed my greatest fears

Now all I have to remember you is my mothers tears

I'll never be like you so why pretend

But I promise that yo pride I will defend and to the skies make yo name asend

Cuz you did not deserve such death and Ill say it till my very last breath

Now I ask myself what if you were still alive

If you had kids, had a wife, how much would it have improved my life?

But I guess I'll never know that chance was stripped from me

(Chorus: Living life is like a dream, it aint never how it seems
Wish there was some paradise
were I witness no more crimes
cuz im tired of hearin cries)

My uncles death blinded me but now I see

What he wanted for me was somethin great somethin good

He wanted me to move, not stay in the gehtto hood

But how can I leave my roots and just forget

I'll stay and fight,I'll do somethin I won't regret

I'll find a way to survive in life

Even if again I have to pull from you that bloody knife

(Chorus: Living life is like a dream, it aint never how it seems
Wish there was some paradise
were I witness no more crimes
cuz im tired of hearin cries)

[Cybex Mewtwo]

Man...this rap is incredible. You have got to have some excellent skillz. I shed a tear eading this, and if I were to listen to it as an actual song...OOOWEEE that would be good! I'm not much on suggestions, so just know that this rap is awesome.

[<<-_Lord-Krishna_->>]

Thanks alot, yo. I really need any advice on it no matter how small the detail.

[Cybex Mewtwo]

Like I said, I really am not good with suggestions...and then you have the fact that this is one of the least visited parts of PC......uh...I'll try to think of something...but in the meantime this is good as is. I'll holla back at ya.

[<<-_Lord-Krishna_->>]

Ok then, thanx alot, yo. peace out.