PDA

View Full Version : Poetry by me!


Hikaru's Twin
February 21st, 2004, 07:00 PM
Well i kept promising myself i'd do this some day and now i'm finally doing it. I just wanted to post some of my poems to see what others think of them. ^_^
The first Poem i'm going to put up is DragonballZ related, yes i used to be a fan of that Anime, but now i don't really care for it so much....Anyways basically this poem just focuses on the relationship between Bulma and Vegeta; people who've watched the Anime will likely understand it a lot better.


Loving You

Visions of us walking hand in hand,
Down the beach..
Through the sand
That's what i dream of
As i watch you there
Running my fingers through my soft blue hair
I shake my head coming back to reality instead
You lay there on the pink sofa
Watching T.V.
I sigh heading towards the kitchen..
There's nothing to see
"Bulma?" I hear him call
I walk out of the kitchen,
Looking at him, as i lean against the wall.
"Come here" He smiles
I sit down beside him on the sofa,
He pulls me into an embrace.
Blinking a little,
Surprised, i look up his face.
He gives me another smile
I snuggle up to him,
Laying my head on his muscular chest.
Those visions that seemed so far away
Don't matter now..
Well not today
I smile to myself thinking,
"I love you Vegeta, you're the best."

100marios
February 21st, 2004, 07:08 PM
Wooowww! That was really good! I used to watch DBZ too, but I don't like that new GT thingy.....
I love how you incorporated the talking into the poem. It really gives it life! Even though I haven't seen your others, if they're as good as this one I'd be suprised if you haven't once thought of getting them published! You're a great poet!

Mattokun
February 21st, 2004, 07:13 PM
Wow, that's very good, i like that one. You really capture what Bulma could have been thinking at times. That's cool. Post more of your poems.

Kyosuke
February 21st, 2004, 07:18 PM
I was wondering what was takin you so long :P.

All I can say is "Wow" you really captured the situation between Bulma and Vegeta well in your Poem, I really do want to see more of yours.

Hikaru's Twin
February 21st, 2004, 07:36 PM
Aww...thank you all for the lovely compliments, glad you liked it! I will be posting more up soon, though. ^_^

Mattokun
February 21st, 2004, 07:40 PM
Good, glad you'll be posting more. Share your talent with the world!

Teara
February 21st, 2004, 07:41 PM
I don't really watch DBZ but that's not the point^_- Even without watching it I love your poem! You harldly ever see anyone adding dialog into poems, I agree with Jordan, it makes it lively. Hmmm...well that's settled! I'm going to go post my poetry too!
Nice work^___^

100marios
February 21st, 2004, 08:02 PM
I can't wait to see more!
......I actually have one poem I want to share, but it's kind of a waist to make a thread just for that hehe....

Hikaru's Twin
February 21st, 2004, 08:15 PM
Thanks, Teara ^_^

I can't wait to see more!
......I actually have one poem I want to share, but it's kind of a waist to make a thread just for that hehe....

Oh, no i think you should make a Thread for your poem, besides even if it was just one poem, i'm sure your thread wouldn't be wasted because there'd probably be a lot of people filling it up with great compliments about your poem. ^_^

Teara
February 21st, 2004, 08:18 PM
I can't wait to see more!
......I actually have one poem I want to share, but it's kind of a waist to make a thread just for that hehe....
Your welcome to post it on the thread I made for my poetry^_- I ment to type that I'd like to hear other's poetry but I forgot.

Hikaru's Twin
February 28th, 2004, 11:55 AM
"Too Stuck On You.."

As a wave of emotion hits me
You stare at me for a while
I try to take in what you've just said
But all i can do is smile..

But behind that smile
And this bright disguise
Are tears yet to spill
From my watery blue eyes

You've crushed my hopes
You've crushed my dreams
This is the reality
Not just what it seems

I love you so much
You mean so much to me
But this just seems so wrong
Not the way it was supposed to be...

So now i'm a mess
Can't think what to do
You're always on my mind
I'm too deep within reality

Too stuck on you....

I wrote this poem late last night, so it might seem a bit messed up and if there's something that you don't quite understand about it, feel free to say.
The sad thing about "Too Stuck On You" is that it's actually based on a true event. One which i don't want to explain here, but if there's anyone who wants to know about the poem's basis for some reason, then you're best sending me a PM about it...

100marios
February 28th, 2004, 12:21 PM
Wow Sheridan! All your poems seem to touch my heart!
*decides to keep a box of tissues on hand*
I would like to know what it's about, but I don't want to poke into personal business. That's a little too nosy hehe....

How long does it take you to make each of these? You must put a lot of thought into it!

Hikaru's Twin
February 28th, 2004, 12:52 PM
Wow Sheridan! All your poems seem to touch my heart!
*decides to keep a box of tissues on hand*
I would like to know what it's about, but I don't want to poke into personal business. That's a little too nosy hehe....

How long does it take you to make each of these? You must put a lot of thought into it!


Thanks Jordan! ^_^
Hmm....well it really depends on what i'm writing about. I like to spend time on my poems, so it can range from anything like ten minutes to an hour or more. I don't really keep track of time when i'm writing, though i know this one took me a while because i had to change the stanzas around in order to get it to fit the event chronologically....though in the end i don't think i did as well as i could have...
As for putting a lot of thought into it, one word..."Always"

Blaine
February 28th, 2004, 09:00 PM
Well, here comes Blaine's constructive criticism, as always. First off, I find you to overuse a lot of your words, particularly "much." I'm sort of biased because I'm very much against love and angst, but I generally like the flow of your poetry. The second one, however, was awfully sloppy and I could tell you were just putting things together. I'm sorry for all the horrible comments, but overall, I sorta' kinda' have to admit, I like them, may they be raw. ^^;;;

Greed
February 28th, 2004, 09:36 PM
Hee hee! That's pretty cute! I thought it was so kawaii, imo ^_^ Nice job

*dies*

Hikaru's Twin
February 29th, 2004, 07:23 AM
Well, here comes Blaine's constructive criticism, as always. First off, I find you to overuse a lot of your words, particularly "much." I'm sort of biased because I'm very much against love and angst, but I generally like the flow of your poetry. The second one, however, was awfully sloppy and I could tell you were just putting things together. I'm sorry for all the horrible comments, but overall, I sorta' kinda' have to admit, I like them, may they be raw. ^^;;;

Well personally i hate construtive criticism, i think it hurts peoples feelings more than anything else. But hey, i didn't exactly expect to come into PC and have everyone say my poetry was great. So thank you anyway, Blaine, for your input. ^_^

EDIT: Sorry, CaRtOON, i never saw your post there ^^; Thanks a lot!

Blaine
February 29th, 2004, 08:53 AM
Well personally i hate construtive criticism, i think it hurts peoples feelings more than anything else. But hey, i didn't exactly expect to come into PC and have everyone say my poetry was great. So thank you anyway, Blaine, for your input. ^_^

EDIT: Sorry, CaRtOON, i never saw your post there ^^; Thanks a lot!
You're welcome. But, criticism will improve your skills and tone your receptiveness. Sometimes a little hurt emotion can help.

bna_li
February 29th, 2004, 08:58 AM
Agreed. But most people at PC (or so I've noticed) do not like it. There was a war launched against Dizzy before. Anyways, I like the DBZ one. But... its really emotional, something I would not like to have right now(I'm in a bad mood).

Blaine
February 29th, 2004, 09:06 AM
Agreed. But most people at PC (or so I've noticed) do not like it. There was a war launched against Dizzy before. Anyways, I like the DBZ one. But... its really emotional, something I would not like to have right now(I'm in a bad mood).
I know about the "war." And so far, Hikaru's Twin is the only one who said she did not like my constructive criticism. Perhaps if I had apologized like in the others it would have been different. But for now, I'll take my chances. Though, if Hikaru doesn't like my criticism, she can simply PM me and ask me to stop posting in her thread. (This is not meant to be rude or angry in any way.)

bna_li
February 29th, 2004, 09:09 AM
I believe Dizzy said something about "I dont want to hear bad things..." etc. Personally from me to you, if you cant say good things, dont say anything...

Blaine
February 29th, 2004, 09:21 AM
I believe Dizzy said something about "I dont want to hear bad things..." etc. Personally from me to you, if you cant say good things, dont say anything...
If you don't want to start a flame war than stop, please. Once again, if Hikaru's Twin doesn't like my criticism, she can tell me and I'll stop posting. I know the "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all" rule, and I didn't think people would react in such a way to my "constructive criticism." Please, just lay off about it. If you don't like it either, that PM me or IM me or something like that. For now though, I apologize if I've hurt anybody's feelings.

bna_li
February 29th, 2004, 09:25 AM
Well personally i hate construtive criticism, i think it hurts peoples feelings more than anything else. But hey, i didn't exactly expect to come into PC and have everyone say my poetry was great. So thank you anyway, Blaine, for your input. ^_^

EDIT: Sorry, CaRtOON, i never saw your post there ^^; Thanks a lot!
Check out the first comment. Why deprive a persons happiness? I dont like it. Why should I PM you about something obvious? Enough is enough. Alright?

Blaine
February 29th, 2004, 06:35 PM
Check out the first comment. Why deprive a persons happiness? I dont like it. Why should I PM you about something obvious? Enough is enough. Alright?
I quoted the first comment, miss. I would be depriving truth if I told her I liked the poem fully and completley. If you don't like it, then okay. That's your opinion. I won't stop posting what I believe can help a writer. That's how life is. You learn to accept criticism as something that can help you improve. If a mod. or admin. asks me to quit, then I will. But for now, I'll just keep on. If Hikaru has a problem with it, I'll stop posting my thoughts on her poetry. End of story.

Hikaru's Twin
March 2nd, 2004, 02:05 PM
Ok firstly, Blaine i really don't mind you criticising my poems in a constructive way, i have no problems with it what so ever. So go ahead.
Secondly, i just said that in general i don't like constructive criticism for reasons already stated, but like said above, Blaine posting her comments on my poems in my thread is fine. The reason i created this thread was so i could share my poetry with others, not so i could hold a two-way conversation about constructive criticism being hurtful amongst other things. So please use this thread for the purpose in which it was created for.
Thanks again to everyone who commented on my poetry in some way, i appreciate it!

Kyosuke
March 2nd, 2004, 02:20 PM
Yes I must say you two need to relax a little bit, I'm glad that you, Hikaru's Twin, stepped in to try and stop this. (trying to steal my job eh? =P) just kidding.

But seriously, it was very unnessary for you to just say anything bna li, knowing that it would proberly start something, but you do have the right to say what you feel which perfectly fine. And Blaine did nothing wrong, she was just trying to help her out.

And Hikaru's Twin, I apolgize if I did anything to disrupt your thread.

100marios
March 2nd, 2004, 02:26 PM
Everyone is entitled to their own personal opinion, whether it be good or bad. I don't see anything wrong with what bna li or Blaine said, the problem I have is that this is not the place for it.
Your poems are fantastic Sheridan! They're better then a lot that I've seen published!

Teara
March 2nd, 2004, 02:57 PM
Oh, those were really good. It's nice to see people with a poetry talent. I'm afraid I know very little about poetry so I can't say much, but from what I've seen of published poets I belive those were put together very well. Oh my, I terribly hate seeing people argue, especially about other people.

Dizzy
March 2nd, 2004, 03:08 PM
I like her Poetry its really inspiring :) Keep up the good work Hikaru's Twin .. :)

Hikaru's Twin
March 3rd, 2004, 10:58 AM
I like her Poetry its really inspiring :) Keep up the good work Hikaru's Twin .. :)

Thanks Dizzy! And again to everyone else who's commented towards my poetry more than once... ^_^
Don't worry about it LiquidThunder, you were just doing your job and i'm thankful for it!