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code zerro the deluge
November 26th, 2005, 4:05 PM
i am sorry

for the things that i did
never thought i would be duing this

i end up in tv
people interview me
i tell them i am sorry

for the things that i did
my life is all a crisis
so as i leave and die
in this struggle


at least sometimes i snuggled
and when i am gone and you hear my voice
remeber you have a choice
to move on our not

i never forgot
so please forgive me
for the things i did
remeber i am some one elses kid

remeber baby all the thing we give
remeber me through a life that is thick
in a cloud stuck in a mist
of my lies and bogus blitz
so rejoice when you hear my voice
couse i am sorry
now i am gone to be
my mom saying no my baby

they took me out
carried their mission
please people just listen
rejoice i am sorry when you hear my voice
i am gone now wow when they heard
a gun go powpow!

Alana
December 2nd, 2005, 3:03 PM
It's good. I trully enjoyed it. You've got talent. Keep up the good work.

fallen_natsumixx
December 2nd, 2005, 5:09 PM
Originally Posted by Alana
It's good. I trully enjoyed it. You've got talent. Keep up the good work.

You're kidding right? I found quite a few spelling and grammar mistakes.

"I am sorry." For what? Work on it some more, capitalize things, put punctuation marks and SPELL CHECK.

code zerro the deluge
December 2nd, 2005, 5:19 PM
if you havent relized than you are slow

Kayota
December 2nd, 2005, 5:45 PM
That's

I am sorry,

For the things that I did.
I never thought I would be doing this.

I end up on TV.
People interview me.
I tell them I am sorry,

For the things that I did.
My life is all a crisis,
So as I leave and die,
In this struggle,


At least sometimes I snuggled,
And when I am gone and you hear my voice,
Remeber you have a choice,
To move on or not.

I never forgot,
So please forgive me,
For the things I did.
Remeber I am some one else's kid.

Remeber, baby, all the things we give,
Remeber me through a life that is thick,
In a cloud, stuck in a mist,
Of my lies and bogus blitz.
So rejoice when you hear my voice,
Because I am sorry.
Now I am gone to be,
My mom saying no, my baby.

They took me out,
Carried their mission.
Please people, just listen.
Rejoice. I am sorry when you hear my voice.
I am gone now. Wow, when they heard,
A gun go powpow!

That's the same poem with corrections.

code zerro the deluge
December 2nd, 2005, 6:07 PM
ohh God here we go you brought your friend

MegaFuz
December 3rd, 2005, 4:11 AM
For being 12 years old, I suppose that is pretty good. There are definately some grammar/punctuation errors though. :\