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code zerro the deluge
November 26th, 2005, 04:05 PM
i am sorry

for the things that i did
never thought i would be duing this

i end up in tv
people interview me
i tell them i am sorry

for the things that i did
my life is all a crisis
so as i leave and die
in this struggle


at least sometimes i snuggled
and when i am gone and you hear my voice
remeber you have a choice
to move on our not

i never forgot
so please forgive me
for the things i did
remeber i am some one elses kid

remeber baby all the thing we give
remeber me through a life that is thick
in a cloud stuck in a mist
of my lies and bogus blitz
so rejoice when you hear my voice
couse i am sorry
now i am gone to be
my mom saying no my baby

they took me out
carried their mission
please people just listen
rejoice i am sorry when you hear my voice
i am gone now wow when they heard
a gun go powpow!

Alana
December 2nd, 2005, 03:03 PM
It's good. I trully enjoyed it. You've got talent. Keep up the good work.

fallen_natsumixx
December 2nd, 2005, 05:09 PM
Originally Posted by Alana
It's good. I trully enjoyed it. You've got talent. Keep up the good work.

You're kidding right? I found quite a few spelling and grammar mistakes.

"I am sorry." For what? Work on it some more, capitalize things, put punctuation marks and SPELL CHECK.

code zerro the deluge
December 2nd, 2005, 05:19 PM
if you havent relized than you are slow

Kayota
December 2nd, 2005, 05:45 PM
That's

I am sorry,

For the things that I did.
I never thought I would be doing this.

I end up on TV.
People interview me.
I tell them I am sorry,

For the things that I did.
My life is all a crisis,
So as I leave and die,
In this struggle,


At least sometimes I snuggled,
And when I am gone and you hear my voice,
Remeber you have a choice,
To move on or not.

I never forgot,
So please forgive me,
For the things I did.
Remeber I am some one else's kid.

Remeber, baby, all the things we give,
Remeber me through a life that is thick,
In a cloud, stuck in a mist,
Of my lies and bogus blitz.
So rejoice when you hear my voice,
Because I am sorry.
Now I am gone to be,
My mom saying no, my baby.

They took me out,
Carried their mission.
Please people, just listen.
Rejoice. I am sorry when you hear my voice.
I am gone now. Wow, when they heard,
A gun go powpow!

That's the same poem with corrections.

code zerro the deluge
December 2nd, 2005, 06:07 PM
ohh God here we go you brought your friend

MegaFuz
December 3rd, 2005, 04:11 AM
For being 12 years old, I suppose that is pretty good. There are definately some grammar/punctuation errors though. :\