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Flaming Torchic
March 10th, 2004, 09:46 PM
Ok, well this is where I ill post my poems. Yes, I am a bit of a poet, and I didn't even know it. :P *couldn't resist*

I walk these hallways by myself
To find a place where I can dwell,
For how long can I stay this way?
Till the end of day. . .

AND

I walk around this forsaken world
Searching for that destined girl
For which I fail I moan
"I shall forever be alone". . .

Yeah, those are the two tht I made up, I made up a third but I can't remember it. Tell me what you think of them please. :classic:

Ice Master
March 10th, 2004, 09:51 PM
I Like Them They Are Cool

Kyosuke
March 11th, 2004, 03:14 PM
I really do like your poem, its hard for me to admit this but it kind of descibes how my life is feeling. Good job.

Flaming Torchic
March 11th, 2004, 03:24 PM
I really do like your poem, its hard for me to admit this but it kind of descibes how my life is feeling. Good job.

Thanks =) The style of poem I make depends on my mood, I am usually depressed when I make them (as you can tell) so they come off as depressing. =\ I have never made one when I am happy, I am more moved to make them when I am sad.

Blaine
March 11th, 2004, 03:34 PM
Angst, angst, angst! Is that all you teens can write? I can't say I love it, but the two are alright. Here's my tips. Both are a little choppy and could be extended. If you could continue the ideas, the poem would flow ever easily. So it would sound better. Another thing, I liked the hallways one, but if you could again just lengthen it and put some imagery or symbolsm or something in that area, it would really turn out well. Sorry for all the criticism... I really do apologize if you find my post offensive.

Flaming Torchic
March 11th, 2004, 09:54 PM
Yeah, I suck at making long poems, think of them more as epigrams, even though they aren't necessarily epigrams. Maybe one say I will make a longer one, and yes, the second one isn't the greatest, but the Hallways one my family said they like, but maybe they were just saying that to be nice. Teenage angst, BOO yah! >=P

I don't find it offensive Blaine ^_^ it is merely constructive criticism, telling me what you think could be better so I can improve, so you are merely helping me. :)

Blaine
March 12th, 2004, 02:19 PM
I'm glad you didn't take it personally... Sometimes people get angry over my criticism. So thanks. ^^;;;

Flaming Torchic
March 21st, 2004, 09:15 PM
No problem ^^;;

Well, I recently made up0 another poem in my head, and here it is:

Life, is like a painted picture, and God is the artist behind the strokes of green grass and sphere of apples. You can go anywhere in the world and see his wonderful art, you can look at your own hand and be amazed by the perfect shading and perfect colours. You can look at the soil in the earth and be amazed how everything is so perfectly done and nothing is rushed. You can even look sky and be amazed my the clouds and the baby blue sky, the world is a painted picture that we are all apart of . .

I know this isn't like my usual work, but I thought of it while I was on my way home from the movies yesterday, and I was feeling my poet power coming on. =) Please give me your criticism.

bna_li
March 21st, 2004, 09:41 PM
To Blaine: I dont have a problem with it(criticism) anymore, but please dont say the same thing 3 times and shout... :D

Greed
March 27th, 2004, 01:25 PM
I really liked the second one. Its pretty heart-breaking and sad. ;-;

*dies*