View Full Version : Pokemon: Rise of the Apocalypse

January 2nd, 2006, 6:34 PM
This is my second fanfic, but I want your honest opinion on its quality. It takes place fifteen years from today, in all four regions (Orre, Kanto, Johto, Hoenn).
Happy reading!
The sky was a vicious red. An army of pokemon stood, menacingly, guarding a stone relic of an ancient being, considered a “pokegod.” They knew that a day would come when they would be needed there, but that day never came for them. People in neighboring areas came every day to see the amazing sight of so many pokemon near one shrine. The shrine is said to contain a small, octagonal slot on the great being’s forehead. The one slot is always waiting for something, and one day the slot will be filled, and the great being will perform its sacrifice ritual, casting the world into chaos.

One man was determined to prove this legend true, so he told his colleagues of his grand scheme to bring this great being to life using the GS ball, the red orb, and the blue orb. His colleagues laughed at this idea, considering him mad. He once tried this idea, but it didn’t work because right when he was about to carry out this plan, Teams Aqua and Magma stole the orbs, leaving him with no leads. One day, though, he stumbled upon a secret library underneath the ruins of Alph. There he discovered that the key was little shards buried within Regions known as Kanto, Johto, and Hoenn.

Wielding this knowledge, he set out on a journey to find these shards of the key. He himself didn’t find any, so he decided to offer evolution stones to trainers in exchange for these gems. No trainer knew what power these gems could release, and they didn’t have any use for them themselves, so they gave them to this odd man.

January 2nd, 2006, 7:20 PM
Hey! They sounds great! The begining kinda reminds me of Pokemon 2000. <3<3 I like the idea of hooking the shards into it. :)


January 2nd, 2006, 7:37 PM
Thanks. I'm sorry that the epilogue is so short.

oni flygon
January 3rd, 2006, 6:01 PM
Pretty good though maybe it's best to separate your prologue into paragraphs. It would easier for us to read. It's pretty good but you can do better.

January 3rd, 2006, 6:09 PM
Intriguing, kinda psyched about what the rest of the fic will be like lol.
I'd also give the same advice Akinari gave you ^.~

Jude Mathis
January 3rd, 2006, 9:23 PM
The only thing I'd do different that really matters, would be to seperate the paragraphs, but the story itself was really interesting. I hope you're going to continue it, because I'm curious to see what happens. For your second fanfic its pretty good, I'd say. ^^ Rating 7/10.

January 4th, 2006, 3:06 PM
I just divided the paragraphs.

January 4th, 2006, 3:45 PM
DUDE! This looks good so far! I can't wait for the rest of the story!

January 9th, 2006, 5:22 PM
I decided to switch perspective every chapter to show both sides of the story. Hooray! Chapter 1!
Chapter 1: Rise of the shadow pokemon (Hunter’s view)
Hunter wandered into the desert, knowing there were rumors of a secret organization wielding crystal shards that could turn Pokemon evil. He didn’t care about the Pokemon becoming evil, though. He was after the shards. If the scroll’s information was correct, the shards this organization wielded were the same inscribed in the legend.

The Orre desert was hot and merciless. The all-consuming heat started to mess with Hunter’s mind. He thought he saw a glass dome gleaming in the sunlight. He blinked, and he saw an oasis. Forgetting his mission, he ran to it, dove in, and was immediately surrounded by Carvanha. One of these Carvanha had crimson eyes and held extreme power, in spite of it being at the bottom of its evolutionary chain.

Men in what looked like Egyptian clothes ran to the oasis from the dome. One had a gun, the other a poke ball. The one on the left held a crystal, which Hunter instantly noticed.

“What are you doing?” Asked the one with the gun, who was obviously the person in charge.

“I’m in search of-“ Hunter said, trying to think of an excuse for being in the middle of the desert in lab clothes. He then thought that this may be the chance to slip into the dome. “The lab.” The man with the poke ball didn’t buy it, but he kept quiet.

“It’s over there, idiot.” Said the man with the gun, mumbling about new recruits.