January 4th, 2006, 8:29 AM
I can't think of a title.(I never was good at that..) I find the contestshipping one of my favorites so here is my story. It's my first on and I had debated between myself if I wanted to post this or not. (I quit 5 times >_<) I am going to say this is either going to be a PG or PG-13 at tops I'm not sure which it will be in the end though. This takes place after the Hoenn leauge...Well...umm...here it is!
January 4th, 2006, 8:40 AM
Disclaimer: I don't own pokemon...If I did..why would this be a fanFICTION...XD
Chapter 1:Same old cordinator, new plot....
"Oh great..just what I need to make my day perfect.." May sighed. She sat down on a log before entering the green forest before her. She took out a sandwich and bit into it. "Meh..I'm getting better, but not near as good as Brock.." She finished her sandwich and drank some water. She packed up her things and headed through the forest.
It was quiet though. Ash and Brock had decided to move on to the next region, and Max was takeing trainer lessons from their dad. She stayed in Hoenn and promised herself she would not leave until she won first in the Grand Tournament. She did feel lonely sometimes, but she could focus more on her goal now.
As she walked through the area,she noticed the pokemon seemed quit hostile.She wasn't sure how long it had been like this but something inside told her that she would not be leaveing here calm...."Beautifly, use Silver Wind!" The air gusted around the area and sent the gloom flying backwards. "Okay..that's one more down.." She thought about how she just did. "Stregth wise, a nine. But beauty wise, I'd say about an eight. Okay so don't focus on the stregth so much in this area. They're weak, and the only threat they pose is status." All she had seen were Glooms and Oddishes.
She sat down for a break. All this battleing wore her out! "Sigh...I wish I knew teleport of fly...." She lied back in the grass. It was suprisingly soft, and at some point, she fell asleep.
She heard a noise. A slithering noise...not like an Oddish or Gloom. Her eys slammed open to notice the darkness that covered the area. "I can't belive I slept in that late!!" She had forgotten about the noise until it came again. She debated on either to figure out what it was, or run. She decided to figure out what it was. "I guess some of Ash's outgoingness rubbed out on me..."She thought as she walked over to the bush.
She uncovered it to find a Seviper. This one though, was larger than normal....It's fangs hung out like a crimsion dagger that had been blood, an it's body was the size of a serphent dragon. "Seviper!!!" It stared at her as if it were the next dinner. Seeing there was no way in you-know-where to out run it. She had only one choice...battle it.
She analyzed the situation quickly. "Okay, an oversized serphent wants me as it's next meal. So I have to battle it. Sevipers are a poisin type which means that it has a weakness to psycic types...but I don't have that! Steel will be ineffective so....." She held up her pokeball and called out her Skitty. "Skitty! Use Blizzard!" The icy wind hurled around the Seviper. While it seemed to be doing some damage, it wasn't enough to phase it.
"Skitty! Return!" She called back her Skitty and replaced with Combusken. The young foul used flame wheel which brightened the area enough for her to escape. "That thing...was...huge!!" She kept running as if her life was on the line, becuase undoubtly, it was.
She was to the point where she was running and didn't know if she was going forward or back, all she knew was that she wanted out and she wanted out now. She tripped and all sense returned to her. Her heart still thudded hard and she gasped for air. She looked to see what she had tripped on and saw a familiar figure. It was Drew.
"Drew! What are you doing on the ground like--" She cut herself off. She saw that something was wrong with him, he didn't even notice her tripping over him. Matter fact, he looked like he was distracted by pain to notice. She inspected him and found that there was a bite mark on his back. One of a Seviper's...
May paniced. She didn't know what to do, where to go who to call...she was at a complete loss. She began to cry when she heard another noise. This one didn't sould evil and grudgeful, it sounded the complete opposite. Friendly and warming. She tooked up and wiped her tears away to see a Milotic in front of her.It was settled in the lake and looked as if it could understand how she felt. The Milotic nuged it head as if symbolizing her to get on.
She hopped on and placed the injured Drew on her back so he wouldn't fall off. The Milotic went at a steady pace. Fast enough to get out yet slow enough to allow them time to recover. When they reached land, they were in a small city known as Orchard town. "I never knew of this place..." May stated as she leaped off of Milotic. The Milotic told her good bye and went on its way. She looked around for the hopital and couldn't find it. She manage to find some aid from a retired doctor who was resideing in the town.
"Hmmm..I haven't seen wounds this bad since..well ever!" The old nurse placed badanges over Drew's wounds. He moaned pain through out some of it, but all toghther, he was fine. The old lady nurse asked what could have done this, and May explained of the gigantic Seviper.
The old nurse's face was stern and concerned.She mentioned how not far back, the police had stopped an illegal project on pokemon. They forced their streght beyond normal limits by cruel and harsh training. If they were unable to complete their training, they were faced with unbearable punishments. So it was natural that they hated humans.
May couldn't shake off the coldest feeling. She somehow placed herself in the Seviper's shoes and shuttered. That wasn't a very promising life.The old lady gave her some new clothes to replace the clothes that were now stained. They looked like her orginal one only it was green and white.
About two days later, Drew began to woke up. He was expected to make a full recovery with in the week. At first, he could barely talk. His body was in so much agony that it cuased him to feel completely numb. It wasn't very pleasent and the fever he was running didn't help. Roselia had used Aromatherapy several of times but it didn't work. With in the next two days he could sit up and talk normal. He still couldn't walk though..he tried to but ended up falling...right on May.
"What in the--?!" May shoved him off and his body lankly fell on the floor. He struggeled to get up, and when he was up he began insulting May."Well..his personality is at a full recovery..."She thought blocking him out. Drew looked around and didn't see Ash, Max or Brock.
"So where are your friends? Shopping?" He leaned against the wall trying to make himself seem relaxed, but the pain seared through his body and seemed like someone was carving him with a knife. "By the way nice outfit..."
"I'm..traveling alone now..." May's voice trailed off. Her face darkened after that remark, as she felt the presense of lonelyness surround her again.
"Awww..now who's supposed to be my worthy pokemon challanger?" He spoke in a sarcatic tone. May jumped up and shoke him veriously yelling at him a bunch of things that made no sense. She stopped when she noticed his body went limp again. He was outta here!!
He woke up two hours later giving a sarcasticaly mean look at her...."You asked for it you jerk..." She sighed at him in the same manner. She wasn't sure what she was going to do once this mess was all over. She could train some more, but with Drew here, she had a chance to travel with someone again, someone with a similar goal.
Around the end of the week, Drew was walking and packing his things up. "No need for me to stay here...I'm heading out." Before he left, he looked around. "Hey where'd May go?" The old nurse told him that she left hours before him. He snapped yelling at May, even though she wasn't really there. He dashed out the door, while the old lady said good-bye.
Drew ran to the outskirts of town to see May just leaveing. "MAY!! YOU NO GOOD IDIOT!! You're not even gonna say good bye?" He stared at her, gasping for air.
She looked to her side. She knew if she looked at him, she would ask, and then he would consider her an idiot for life..."Okay then, good-bye." She started to walk away when Drew merely replyed.
"Don't be so ridiculous...If you want to come along be my guest, but If you end up being really slow, I'm leaveing you behind..." He flipped his hair in a most normal fashion, but his face was cherry red.
"O-Okay..." May answered. she turned around and told him his face was red. He merly replyed if he didn't have to run all that way his face wouldn't look like that. Although on the inside, he felt like jumping up and down.
On the shore of the beach, the old lady walked out of her hut. She looked to the left then to the right and double took each side. A blue flash surrounded her reavealing a pale silver haired girl, wearing a unbutton dress shirt with an under-shirt with a lace top and blue jeans. "Okay...Milotic it's time to go back now..they'll get reckless if we don't return soon." The girl leaped on a Milotic and swayed out into the open sea.
January 4th, 2006, 10:51 AM
Aw, it was cute. You did pretty good on it. There were a few parts that seemed like they had too much cut from them detail wise, but still, you did good on it. I love ContestShipping. ^^
January 5th, 2006, 1:12 PM
Get ready for a Ratiosu review! COLOR CODE:
Blue-->good, surpasses average ability
Red-->average, seems OK unless someone else says otherwise
Deep Sky Blue-->just barely made it, you need to change
Teal-->Terrible, needs very much editing
OK, first of all, if you're going to double-post, make it for a good reason. There's an edit button.
Length-->Good, it was 2 1/3 pages on MS Word. Although I feel you could expand a little more if you added description and added all kinds of feelings and personality descriptions into it. Then it would turn into around 4 pages. But it's OK.
Description-->You really need to expand more on this, as simply saying "and called out her Skitty" won't cut it. If you had more description, it would sound like this: "May reached for the red and white sphere at her belt. She unhooked it, and threw it. In a blinding flash of light, a small cat took form. It was pink, and had a yellow underbelly. Looking at Seviper, it swished its tail side to side, the three small yellow needle-like growths swaying. It was always smiling, and even now, when it was in the face of a deadly viper it had a wide grin spread across its face." See how long that was? That's what you need. Otherwise...I guess it was OK.
Plot-->Very good. I liked it. I mean, it seemed like most other Contestshipping fics, but with twists and stuffers. I like the feelings between Drew and May, at least its better than May and Ash. And good way to describe what happened when May tripped over him, that he was distant and couldn't focus on anything. I also like the Milotic (I'm a big fan of those guys). And I would expect Drew to be insulting her as soon as he got up...right after she saved his life ^_^
Grammar-->Not too good. You have to type this on MS Word, that way it underlines your mispelled words in red and your grammar mistakes in green, then you right-click it and it'll tell you what to do. Very useful ^_^ so try that next time. Because of your mistakes it was a bit hard to read, but with more help from MS Word you can be awesome at spelling.
Overall review: Average.
There ya go! Tell me when the next chapter is up.
January 5th, 2006, 3:07 PM
omg that is probably the cutest fic i've ever read ^^ keep it up
January 6th, 2006, 6:51 AM
What, my review LOL? Yeah, it was super-cute of May to do that for Drew...write more.
January 17th, 2006, 11:10 AM
I'm in the middle of moving right now, but I'll up date ASAP!! ^^;;