PDA

View Full Version : ShadowSky's Poety--16&up, language/blood


KageSora
January 6th, 2006, 04:04 PM
Okay, I've posted some poetry on another site, and people there seem to like it, though I think that it suxorz myself. Anyway, here's some stuff that I did:

Nightstalker:
In the darkened hall,
Of an angel's mind,
Untill the night doth fall,
My shadowed form you'll find.

When the day doth end,
I'll leave the place I dwell,
And silently ascend,
To another hell.

In this place I'll stay,
Never truely free,
Unable to stray,
Nor able to flee.

If this you should read,
Come and find me here,
Then my spirit you'll have freed,
Though I'll be ever near.

And though I no longer exist,
You'll see me glowing bright,
I'll come back from the twilit mist,
One dark and lonely night.

I've been told that I have brave use of old english, that it has good imagery, and that it has an interesting haunting quality.

The ShadowWar:
Lion Proud
And Tiger Strong
Fox so Swift
And Wolf with Song
Bear so Mighty
And Panter Long
They alone still live.

Golden furred
And crimson smeared
The Demon Beast
So greaty feared
Many fought
While village seared
Listen to this tale.

Many stood
And many died
Many ran
And many cried
Many fought
And many tried
Yet only some survived.

The Battle raged
Both night and day
Against the Beast
In the long fray
Desp'rate to
The Demon slay
And win at any cost.

Shark the Warrior
And Hawk the Fast
Eagle Agile
And Falcon Last
Owl Wise
And Bat of Past
All bravely died.

Beasts make Final Sacrifice
To save the dieing Lines
Bleeding freely on the ground
Amidst the tow'ring pines.
Spirits Bonding to the Men
And leaving behind Signs
Thus the Shadow Beasts are gone.

But don't despair
In the form of Ghosts
The Shadow Beasts still live
Inside of Human Hosts
To protect the Lines
Never leaving their posts
That is how they eixst.

Child'ren born
With Spirits within
Live in loneliness
Without friends or kin
Shunned and hated
More than darkest sin
This is how things are.

Lion Proud
And Tiger Strong
Fox so Swift
And Wolf with Song
Bear so Mighty
And Panther Long
The Guardians of ShadowClan

I've been told that that some parts of this, the rhyming flows together so well it sounds like a curse or a spell.

Eternity:
Eyes blazing with golden light,
Charging blindly in desp'rate flight.
Body streaked with crimson blood
Tears flowing in silent flood.

Feet striking the cold hard ground,
Yet not making a sinlge sound.
Muscles weak'ning, slowing down,
Slowly now in ag'ny drown.

Falling down into the dirt,
Gasping as wounds sear with hurt.
Stagg'ring to the rocky cliff,
Body growing very stiff.

Tumb'ling down towards certain death,
Life leaving in a soft breath.
Slamming down into the stones,
Impact shatt'ring fragile bones.

Life fading from spark'ling eyes,
From broken body spirit flies.
Still form washed into the sea,
Rest now for eternity.

I've been told that this one is intense and well-detailed.

But anyway, what do you people think of my stuff?

Libra Dyne
January 6th, 2006, 04:07 PM
I like the first one, it is of an obsession the imagery is very good also. But I think that the obsession may not be of a peron, it could but your wording is full f mystery and shade. It is very enticing 9.8/10 (Idont give 10/10) perfect poems arent real but that was awesome.

KageSora
January 6th, 2006, 04:26 PM
I like the first one, it is of an obsession the imagery is very good also. But I think that the obsession may not be of a peron, it could but your wording is full f mystery and shade. It is very enticing 9.8/10 (Idont give 10/10) perfect poems arent real but that was awesome.


Hmmm... Initially, I don't think that I wrote it for a person. Thanks for the response, though!