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Strider
January 6th, 2006, 06:11 PM
This hand I see, the blood flows red
My own I wish, it's not to be
The blade is sharp, remember this
Ignore I did, life is no more

Serene's the face, I swore it was
A mirror in front, my face I saw
Angelic visage does not cringe,
Upon the wound that's not deserved

Here I lie, confession forgotten
Goodness in me evaporates
Rid of conscience, the way it should
The devil's smirks were the angel's

Wait a while and sudden tears flow
Of whose are they, I am unsure
Hands in my eyes, I feel them there
The angel's smiles were the devil's

comments are welcomed.

Sorye HK
January 7th, 2006, 06:11 AM
This hand I see, the blood flows red
My own I wish, it's not to be
The blade is sharp, remember this
Ignore I did, life is no more

Serene's the face, I swore it was
A mirror in front, my face I saw
Angelic visage does not cringe,
Upon the wound that's not deserved

Here I lie, confession forgotten
Goodness in me evaporates
Rid of conscience, the way it should
The devil's smirks were the angel's

Wait a while and sudden tears flow
Of whose are they, I am unsure
Hands in my eyes, I feel them there
The angel's smiles were the devil's

comments are welcomed. I found those 2 lines a bit awkward, in sense of rythm. Maybe a change to:
"The angel's smiles were their's, (with "their's" being said quite strongly)
The devil's"
might have worked out better. Still, it's a great piece of poetry, mate. I like it.

Libra Dyne
January 7th, 2006, 06:49 AM
I think it is almost a suicide attempt. The poem constantly refers to death and a mirror. So therefore you are torn between Good and Evil, but its too late, so the end is almost which way now? 9.8/10