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ThEoNeAnDoNlY555
January 19th, 2006, 06:07 PM
I would like to post some of my poetry and songs that I have written on here for critique... Some were written recently, some long, long ago in a time period history forgot... Haha.

My first song is called "Nobody Loves me"

No Body Loves Me.



Chorus:
He loves her,
And she loves him.
Maybe,
Its destiny
My lonelyness
I live with this
'Cause nobody loves me...
(Repeat x.5)

In a world so lonely,
A world so shallow
All my problems I must swallow
And I guess I'll wallow
In despair
All this ****
Hanging in the air
Couples dating
couples kissing
I feel like something
Is so missing
Incomplete
No one to love
We all compete
For a bit of some,
Some completion
Something more
That special someone at your door,
But I guess,
Nobody loves me...!

Chorus

All the others
Or so i feel
Have found the one
That they can love for real
If that's true,
Than what's my deal
Why am I so lonely still
I am sweet
Even loveable
But the perfect image
I don't fufill
I could love you
More than you know
But I look this way so that aint so
**** these people
**** this world
I aint perfect
So I aint gotta' girl
I can't handle it...
Nobody loves me...!

Chorus X2

Outro:
Crushes left
And crushes right
Aut I aint met
A girl thats right...
Cause no body loves me...!

I have another song I will post later, because I waould like everything to be in seperate posts, and double posting is not allowed. It is better than this one, so as soon as someone comments on this I will post it...

Amy-chan
January 19th, 2006, 06:15 PM
Very nice, Jared. It reflects your emotions at the time very well. I can relate to you... *sighs* Though I spotted a spelling mistake or two, that is not relevant, as it is not the spelling but the meaning of the words that matters in such things as poetry(so long as the poem or song is readable). Again, very well done. Easily five stars, and I look forward to seeing more of your work.

Psychotic_Demon
January 19th, 2006, 06:27 PM
I could easily give that a tune.... *grabs guitar and realizes it's broken* ......... *grabs cello* n_n

Ahem. Aaaaaaanyways, I like-a teh poem-a..... Yeah. It reflected how you felt then (not NOW, mind anyone), and was pretty good. There were a few spelling mistake, ect., but nothing that's like "Holy llamas, this makes no sense at all!" mistakes, so..... good job. n_n

Midori Chi
January 20th, 2006, 02:50 PM
Wow! XD
You're poems really show how you're feeling. I can really feel all that interjection. Very nice. Good flow, too.
Keep up the good work.

-MC

ThEoNeAnDoNlY555
January 24th, 2006, 03:59 AM
Beyond insane,
Fight through the pain.
Watching all of it,
It's ****in lame.
One by one, and six by threes,
I am beggin on my knees,
Spare my life,
Do not kill my soul,
The enemy,
Common and old.
Blast it,
Kill it,
Break out of the mold,
We're not the same,
Not the same old.
Not your average punk *** ****,
We don't want to be,
**** that, ****, ****, ****, **** it.
The difference between them and us,
Is that we feel love,
They feed on lust,
Money, Money, Money and that's all,
Money, Money, Money a self-dustruction, worldly downfall.
Greed, Greed, a falsified need.
One green green dollar, plants a ****ing death tree,
and a ****ing death-wish.
If you want you need,
If you live you breathe.
Can't live without the music,
But can't live witht the complete and utter bullshit.
I am gonna crush the envelope,
**** pushin it,
I don't want to push, no pushing the limits.
Popularity,
Who needs it?
The feeling of support,
We can go without,
We are not dependant on you,
We're self-dependant through and through.
I am alone,
I stand alone,
The laws of normal have been overthrown,
I now sit upon my high throne.
Chorus: I don't ****ing need you.
I can't ****ing stand you,
I could be just like you,
But I fight it,
I fight the urge.
I fight you,
Every step of the way,
When I kick you down,
Down you will stay....
Why?
Because I say.
You though your music could control me,
But no,
Now you are ****ed and I am kool.
Now I arise above you,
And you look like a fool,
Normality,
Was simply a figment,
Nothing is wrong with me,
I will destroy your everything,
Now you will see.
How ****ing normal, how ****ing kool,
Crazy could be.
They will love me,
Although I couldn't care less,
But now they will hate you,
Hate you all,
I shall be ,
We shall be your downfall.
Chorus
I can see it,
I can see the end of your road,
And the point where mine begins.
The road to heaven,
Or the path of ultimate sin,
I care not,
I give it no thought.
As long as I kill the remaider,
Of posuer punk,
and Wanna-be rock,
If not yourself,
Than who the **** can you be?
Your mind must be clouded,
For you cannot see,
That you better yourself,
But you kill music,
You use and abuse it,
Money, Money, Money and that's all,
Money, Money, Money a self-dustruction, worldly downfall.
Greed, Greed, a falsified need.
One green green dollar, plants a ****ing death tree,
and a ****ing death-wish.
If you want you need,
If you live you breathe.
Can't live without the music,
But can't live witht the complete and utter bullshit.
Chorus to fade out...