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~BlackHeartedWolf~
January 21st, 2006, 02:08 PM
Okay, so maybe I'm not the best poet out there, but I do write poems on occasion. I want to share these poems with you guys, and see what you guys think of them...so, I'll start with one of my favorites. I typically write the music peices or songs that I listen to, and I usually tell people what I was listening to when I was writing it, but I think I'll just leave that part out now, unless the lyrics to a song are in the poem ^^;;;

So anyways, here's ze first one! Enjoy ^^



I remember those days.
The days when we could be happy.
The days we could be together.
The days we could laugh and relax, and just let nature take its course.

However, those days have ended.
You're not here.
I can't be happy.
I can't laugh, and relax.

I still remember that night.
We were at a party.
There were drinks.
But we were very careful.

You were driving me home.
It was a cold, spring night.
We talked about the party amoung other things.
When it happened.

All's I could remember was a bright light, and a sickening crunch.
I must of been knocked out, because when I came to,
I wasn't in the car.
I looked around, surveying what happened.

My heart stopped....

Crushed metal, and broken glass was everywhere.
Two vehicles, entagled in each other, the front ends both twisted.
Blood shone in the light of the Moon.
I looked around, hoping to find you.

When I did, I felt like the world had stopped....

You were there, still breathing, but jsut barely.
A peice of metal through your abdomen.
Bleeding heavily.
Your arm twisted in a weird angle.

Another person was there too.
A young woman.
Her stomach wasn't rising, and she looked even more deforomed.
Her spirit had abondoned its body.

Crawling towards you, I grab you, and cradle you.
You open your eyes and looked at me.
And then I knew.
Your life, too, was fleeing.

"Amber, don't give up on yourself..." you said.
"But, I can't, I'm nothing without you," I said, fighting tears...
"Amber..." you said, putting your hand on my cheek.
"Let go..."

"Let go..."

Your body became limp,
and then I knew.
Your spirit too, had left.
I couldn't help but cry.

The smell of alcohol was thick in the air.
It came from the girl.
My heart stopped, realising who it was.
It was one of the girls from the party.

She was drunk, and she was driving.
I felt rage well up inside of me.
I wanted to yell, to scream, to shreik.
But all's I could do was cry, and cry, my tears a never-ending stream.

A few weeks later, my wounds had healed.
At least the ones on the outside.
The ones on the inside were not.
I couldn't think straight.

The doctors told me I was lucky.
That I had been almost unscathed.
Why couldn't he be spared.
Curse that girl! That idiot!

I didn't cry at your funeral.
I was too shell-shocked.
Despite everyone's best efforts,
I wouldn't cheer up. Couldn't cheer up.

They don't understand....

It's winter now.
It's been...almost a year.
And here I am, at your grave.
Standing for what seems like an eternity.

I remember, we used to play in the woods here.
Just hide and seek.
I remember...
I remember well...

"Hey, watch this!"
"Amber, be careful!"
"I am being careful!"
"I know Amber, but..."

Don't worry....

I ran along the old path, that lead to the lake.
Now, it was completly frozen.
Pefect for skating.
Just perfect.

I ran onto the lake, and started skating, like it was a natural thing.
You ran onto to it too, in the hopes of mimicking me.
But, instead, you fell.
You were always kinda klutzy.

Laughing, I land down next to you.
"You'll have to do better than that!"
"Oh come on, Amber, you know I suck at this."
"Yeah, but that's why I love you. Because you're you."

A peck on the cheek....

And now, here I sit.
You are buried here, at the lakeside.
I stand up.
I run to the lake.

But, instead of landing it, I fall.
I used to be so good at this.
But I can't do it now.
Feeling useless, I curl up and cry.

I can't do it....

A hear a yip nearby.
I look, and see a young puppy.
Not an ordinary puppy.
It's a wolf pup.

A beautiful white pup.
It's golden eyes fixed on me.
Sitting next to your grave.
It looks like it's sad.

I walk to it, and it still sits there.
It yips again.
I place it in my arms.
And I cry.

It reminds me of when you were younger.
Always looking at me.
Always saying something.
Always letting me hug you.

You silly boy...

A week later, I wake to the sun's warm kiss.
The wolf pup jumps on me.
Kind of like how we pounce on each other when we played "Hide-and-seek"
I pet his soft fur.

"Pine, you silly boy," I say.
I named him pine after your last name, Pinewood.
Some people have told me to move on.
I have. Sort of.

I have something to remember you by.
This little wold pup.
Pine.
I have him.

"Let go..."

Those words echo in my mind.
Is this why I have this pup?
Is he a message from you?
A message to, "Let go?"

I look at Pine.
He looks at me.
I can see your reflection in his eyes.
"Let go..."

"I love you..."

So uh...yeah...um...please review!

Kyosuke
January 21st, 2006, 03:01 PM
Wow definitely a great poem not for its sheer length, but for the depth and effort you put in it ^^. For this type of poetry you did a good job on it, around the time of the accident with the drunk female driver, the depth begins to come in with the way you described the crash:

"Crushed metal, and broken glass was everywhere.
Two vehicles, entagled in each other, the front ends both twisted.
Blood shone in the light of the Moon.
I looked around, hoping to find you."

And it continued like that to the end. For me the only thing to nitpick on, is the occasional spelling mistake, and when you said "All's I could remember..." instead of saying "All I could remember", which would have made that line better, but its okay I suppose ^^'

Overall though.. nicely done!

~BlackHeartedWolf~
January 21st, 2006, 08:53 PM
^^ Thank you so much for the compliments! Yeah, I typically type fast for some reason, and I often end up making spelling mistakes, and I don't catch them unless someone tells me ^^;;;; Sorry about that!

Anyways, me'sh got a new poem (I'll probaly end up doing one poem a day, depending on my mood XD), and this one was the second poem I ever wrote. Enjoy, nya!

*In case you're wondering as you're reading this, yes I did base it off of Final Fantasy 8. I never played that game, but I have read summaries about it, and have seen a few cutscenes from the game, and in the beginning, when I first wrote this poem, I based it off of this game on accident. But as I read it over, it sounded a lot like FF8 ^^;;; (Especially since I named the girl Riona.)*

Anyways:

A field full of flowers
Petals flying in the air.
A girl stands, gazing at the sky.
Waiting for his return.

"I'll come back," he promised
As he kissed her, and bade goodbye.
But, as he turned, he heard her cry.
And felt a tear slide down his cheek.

And here, in this field where they first kissed
She stands and thinks.
About the times they had.
Of the times they danced in the garden.

Of the love they made
Of the child they had
Of the times they argued.
Then took one another back into their arms.

Of the times they cried
And were there for each other.
Of the times one was sick.
And the other stayed right near their side.

Here, she stands in this field of flowers
A necklace with a ring on it, over her heart. She puts her hand to it, and lets the tears flow.
Tasting salt water, she cries until she can't cry anymore.

She stands, feeling alone,
Wanting to feel his touch.
Then, she feels arms around her.
But, she turns, and no one's there.

On a battlefield, ripe with blood,
A soldier lies, blood flowing from his wounds.
His hair, matted and and covered with the thick crimson liquid.
He thinks of his lover.

As the lighting flashes, he thinks of her hair
Her scent, her touch, her eyes.
Raven black hair, with streaks of gold.
Rosemary scent, soft touch,and brown eyes.

He wants to be in the field with her.
But, he knows he must leave this world.
"Riona," he says,"I love you."
And as he breaths his last breath, his thoughts are of her

Riona still stands in the field.
She moves her hand to her stomach.
Feeling her second child, she knows he will not return.
"David," she says, and she leaves the field of flowers, determined to keep him in her heart forever.

So um...what do you guys think of this one? ^^;;;