PDA

View Full Version : ( can't think of a title, nothing is catchy) You gotta read this!


Minunchu
March 23rd, 2004, 06:01 PM
CHAPTER ONE


Cloe, a Vileplume, was innocently walking searching for food. She spotted a basket of rasberrys. She knew it would be wrong to steal some, but she was really hungry. She tiptoed up to the woven basket seeing a whole feast. Drool was dripping from her mouth now. She thought I will only take one. Only one and then i will leave! But the closer she got, the more she craved. She reached out and grabbed one, rolled it in her hands, and slowly brought it up to her mouth. With the rasberry only an inch away from her mouth, she froze, stiff as a rock. Did she hear somthing? Was there someone right behind her? To scared to move, she listened. Was someone, or somthing breathing on her?! She heard a snort of a giant beast, and knew, it was the end of her.

Minunchu
March 23rd, 2004, 06:05 PM
Anyone like it so far? I won't write the second chapter if no one likes it. :( :\

Skye
March 24th, 2004, 04:46 PM
Vileplumes are so great! Keep going keep going! I want to know what happens next!!!

lighterhead2001
March 26th, 2004, 01:33 PM
i want to hear more! please

ScArLetSkye
March 26th, 2004, 07:23 PM
Yeah!!!!!It's a good start.Keep going!^___^

Shinin
March 27th, 2004, 04:47 AM
Great story! I can't wait until chapter 2 is posted!

Minunchu
March 30th, 2004, 05:20 PM
Uh... chapter two. I NEED TO EDIT IT!

Minunchu
March 30th, 2004, 05:27 PM
Sorry, i uh...had it done and accadentally deleted it so i weill have to start over again. Sorry. It willl be a while longer.

Minunchu
March 30th, 2004, 05:42 PM
CHAPTER 2

Cloe decided to over come her fears and turn around. It wasn't all that hideous. It was a cute little togipi and her best friend Izzy. "WHAT THE...?! I COULD'VE SWORN IT WAS A MONSTER! And to see it was you and your little sister?! Wow. Hey does my makeup look o.k?"
Izzy is a (*laughs* sorry. just the thing i said. Izzy izza) cow. (Caan't think of the cow pokemon's name right now. Sorry. :\ ) Izzy said, "Yea isn't she adorable?! My mom fully adopterd her today! Her name is Daisy! I have a little sister named Daisy! Ahh, she is so cute!"
All day they talked about her sister untill they brought up the subject of bad luck. They were so happy! A sunny day with eachother and her best friend had a new sister! Nothing could possibly go wrong! Or could it?

Minunchu
March 30th, 2004, 05:47 PM
I really don't want to go further, but you guys have encouraged me. I hope you liked this one. I have no more ideas. Ok... mabie i do have some for this story, but they aren't good.

Skye
March 30th, 2004, 06:03 PM
Fabulous! A few suggestions for you...I hope that's okay! Please take these as constructive criticisms, as I mean no offense whatsoever!!

Try to describe your characters and scenes a little bit more. You may be suprised how much it adds to the storyline and to the characters. I used to have a huge problem with this, and if you read "Gaining Wings" you'll see what I mean, because I wrote it a LONG time ago!! My English teacher summed it up in a neat phrase, "show, don't tell."

I hope you keep writing this fic! It's such a neat take on Pokemon!

Minunchu
March 30th, 2004, 07:04 PM
I might as well stop here then. Is that what you guys are saying. I mean, if you compare mine to Espions Eyes, mine REEKS! i can't do this. I need a counsiler. Bah...so...dull....my stories are so......dull.....unexiting.....why...me......why.....me...

SwampertLover
March 30th, 2004, 07:17 PM
just keep going, one day your skill will get better!

Pluslechu
March 30th, 2004, 08:11 PM
AaAk! 0_o I'm a year older tham ma best friend and yet she gets all the attention XD lol, keep it up Hannah! ^_^ Very cute! I wish 'The Life of a Legend could have gotten this much attention...o well, it was kinda boring anywayz XD

Flygon trainer
March 30th, 2004, 08:15 PM
interesting story, but I keep getting lost. and you seem to be out of ideas, so how about maybye wandering into a adult flygon's terrotory and getting attacked? there needs to be a bttle

Skye
March 31st, 2004, 08:34 AM
I wasn't saying that you should quit at all! I think it's a really interesting story, and a totally different take on Pokemon journeys and stuff...as I am used to reading AAMRNs. Please do keep up the excellent work! Greatness comes with practice, and I could see great improvement from the first chapter to the next. All I gave were suggestions, and they were meant to only be taken as suggestions. Please do not stop writing! It does not matter what others think as long as you can be proud of and appreciate your work!!

Best wishes!

Skye

Shinin
March 31st, 2004, 04:28 PM
Ur story is great! I wish it was a monster, though.

Minunchu
April 3rd, 2004, 08:16 AM
ok. i will go on. you have incouraged me to keep going. I will hope my story gets better and better. Thanks skye. But i can't really take your suggestions but i can have a monster, a battle, love, and a happy ending. I was going to do that in the third chapter along with the fith.

Minunchu
April 3rd, 2004, 08:39 AM
CHAPTER THREE

As they looked around the street, still carring on the subject of bad luck, which had turned into demons and devils, they got real jumpy. They starting seeing strange shadows here and there. They seemed to enclose them. They ran into an alley and waited. Panting. One shadow in particular came closer and closer and closer. Cloe turned around to say somthing, but her mouth was so choked up she couldn't even whisper. They motioned eachother to go back into the light, but thier legs were stiff and they couldnt move a mussle. Izzy, thinking something cought her, jumped up in the air because she was so scared and let out a bloody murder scream. Right before she hit the ground, she started to float i mid air. Now she was kicking and screaming her head off.
''CALM DOWN IZZY! I'LL GET YOU DOWN! JUST HANG ON!" Cloe shouted over a noise that was so unexplainable.
Cloe saw a shadow hidding behind a garbage can. She bravly walked over to the creature which by now she could see was an abra. He was using his phycic powers to levetate her friend. She quickly used sleep powder, hoping it would work. Succesfully, he fell asleep and dropped Izzy she landed with a thud.
"Are you alright?" Cloe asked thoughtfully.
"I am fine. Can we get out of here? Please?"Izzy replied anxoiusly.
Izzy was to weak to stand on her own so Cloe carried her out into the main area of town. Boy, Cloe thought, that was a close one. But it wasn't the end of the battle. He was back for revenge.

Minunchu
April 3rd, 2004, 08:45 AM
wow. I didn't realize it whould be that long of a section. Wow, i must have really gotten into it! WHEEW!

ScArLetSkye
April 3rd, 2004, 01:06 PM
Continue, please, it looks like it'll be a good story!;)

Minunchu
April 6th, 2004, 05:25 PM
CHAPTER FOUR

The next day, Cloe was awakened by the same humm that she heard when she was saving Izzy. She struggled to sit ip, but there was no solid (her bed) for her to push against. She was floating! (Sorry. I am really mad right now, i will finnish this later. My mom is being a bich.)

Minunchu
April 6th, 2004, 05:34 PM
I am wierd i mean weird i mean (does anyone know how to spell wierd i mean weird i mean.....grrrrrr....)

Minunchu
April 9th, 2004, 07:08 PM
oni fly, no offence, but your "tips" make me want to quit. Take this advice. If you have something to say, say it nicely. And if you can't say anything nicely, don't say anything at all....JERK!

Minunchu
April 9th, 2004, 07:25 PM
by the way, I am having a birthday soon and i don't want it ruined by some jerk that won't tick off with his comments and complaints about spelling errors, being more descriptive, and using Microsoft Word! Plus,I told just about everyone that i was sorry about not finnishing the chapter and that i would finnish it later( i said , "...I am really mad right now, i will finnish this later...") because i was mad and i wan'ted to coll off. So i come back nice and calm and here some JERK IS GIVING ME A LECTURE ABOUT PERFECTION! HE POPPED MY TEMPER BUBBLE RIGHT AFTER IT FULLY COOPERATED BACK! SO JUST, SHUT UP oni fly ABOUT YOUR COMMENTS! I KNOW WHAT I AM DOING. ....*grrrrr* now i feel like quitting again........i am going to......sit.....in this corner........and.............try to egnore.......a jerk face who won't back off and give me some space.......Now i feel even worse for yelling at some kid who is just trying to help.....well....i don't need help right now and i just......*sigh*....i just want a friend. Yea i have a best friend...,..but that is it....I am so.....out. Everyone calls me "fatto", "pig", "over wieghted chubby bunny". And i feel so bad. And now i yelled at a kid. I am sooooooooooooooooooo sorry oni fly. I guess i went a little over board. I hope you forgive me. I just.......*sigh*......just need a friend.

oni flygon
April 9th, 2004, 07:36 PM
oni fly, no offence, but your "tips" make me want to quit. Take this advice. If you have something to say, say it nicely. And if you can't say anything nicely, don't say anything at all....JERK!

Boy, sorry... I'm just giving you some advice... some well... I wasn't on the offensive anyways... but you should learn to take up advice from others and not be offended by other's advice...

by the way, I am having a birthday soon and i don't want it ruined by some jerk that won't tick off with his comments and complaints about spelling errors, being more descriptive, and using Microsoft Word! Plus,I told just about everyone that i was sorry about not finnishing the chapter and that i would finnish it later( i said , "...I am really mad right now, i will finnish this later...") because i was mad and i wan'ted to coll off. So i come back nice and calm and here some JERK IS GIVING ME A LECTURE ABOUT PERFECTION! HE POPPED MY TEMPER BUBBLE RIGHT AFTER IT FULLY COOPERATED BACK! SO JUST, SHUT UP oni fly ABOUT YOUR COMMENTS! I KNOW WHAT I AM DOING. ....*grrrrr* now i feel like quitting again........i am going to......sit.....in this corner........and.............try to egnore.......a jerk face who won't back off and give me some space.......Now i feel even worse for yelling at some kid who is just trying to help.....well....i don't need help right now and i just......*sigh*....i just want a friend. Yea i have a best friend...,..but that is it....I am so.....out. Everyone calls me "fatto", "pig", "over wieghted chubby bunny". And i feel so bad. And now i yelled at a kid. I am sooooooooooooooooooo sorry oni fly. I guess i went a little over board. I hope you forgive me. I just.......*sigh*......just need a friend.

Whoa, whoa... slow down... look, I'm really sorry I sestroyed your birthday... look I'm really sorry. I'll delete my old post so that this never happened... this never happened... O_o

Minunchu
April 9th, 2004, 08:01 PM
so sorry. OH. By the way, check your e-mail.

oni flygon
April 9th, 2004, 08:02 PM
Oh... I'm expecting a flame or something... XD

Minunchu
April 9th, 2004, 08:03 PM
Hey, it is alright. You didn't destroy my birthday, although it is in 3 days! but, its cool now. I hope. Oni? Is is cool now?

Minunchu
April 9th, 2004, 08:05 PM
You are funny. I literally laughed when you said you were expecting a flame. I can't prove it, but take my word, i did. :)

Minunchu
April 9th, 2004, 08:06 PM
:laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh:

oni flygon
April 9th, 2004, 08:09 PM
Nah, I don't blow my top that easily... ^_^ ... replied to your e-mail btw, just keep on continuing your story!

Minunchu
April 9th, 2004, 08:11 PM
Well, me e-mail, i have AOL, doesn't have the flag up and hasn't said, YOUVE GOT MAIL! yet.

Minunchu
April 9th, 2004, 08:12 PM
oh, uh, my story. I will start it up again.

oni flygon
April 9th, 2004, 08:13 PM
... Yahoo takes time to send stuff... gotta have patience... ^_^

Minunchu
April 9th, 2004, 08:24 PM
The next day, Cloe was awakened by the same humm that she heard when she was saving Izzy. She struggled to sit ip, but there was no solid (her bed) for her to push against. She was floating! It was back.
"HELP! HELP! HELP! HELP! AAAAHAHHHHHHH! " She screamed over, and over again.
"Hey! it works! cool huh?! I made a device that makes things levetate! Cool! Um, youi know what, i uh, forgot to enstall somthing that makes you go back down again. Oh well. I will just put this remote back dow, and.....I have eerands to do. Bye!"
Izzzy had created a device to make enimies float, she tried it on Cloe, and left her in the air. What kind of freind is that>?! Cloe was in air for atleast an hour before Izzy came back.
"WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG GEEZ!! I THOUGHT ERRANDS ONLY TOOK 30 MIN.! NOT 60! i THOUGHT YOU HAD...."
Izzy interupted her.
"I got stuck in traffic. Well, i hope you have fun in the air for the rest of your life! P.s. I am not planning on being a friend with a geek you floats in the air."
And that is where she left her untill, one day, she came down.

oni flygon
April 9th, 2004, 08:27 PM
Well, this is slightly better than your last chapter, keep it up! ^^

Minunchu
May 2nd, 2004, 09:34 AM
THUMP!
"Ow. What? huh? I AM ON SOLID GROUND AGAION!!!!!" Cloe shouted. She got down on her hands and nees and started kissing the ground right when Izzy came storming in on her hands and kneesscreaming, "HELP1 I CAN'T STAND UP! I CANT STAND UP!"
"What do you mean you can't stand up ?"Cloe Replied.
(((sorry. i have to work and do some chores. See ya. Ill finnish later.)))