View Full Version : Toastyworld (warning: Extreme absurdity, randomness and run-on sentences!)

February 19th, 2006, 7:51 PM
I got bored one day and started writing this story. I wanted to post it up, so I thought it'd go here, in Other Writing, though it's not a fanfic.
It's not done yet (and won't be for a very long while).
Like I said, beware of extreme absurdity, randomness, and run-on sentences.
I give you....
Toastyworld! XDD

Hi. Who am I?

Thought the kitty that taught kung fu and thought he was a cushion just before he was rudely awoken from one of his famous day-long naps by a portal to Toastyworld opening in his living room. Toastyworld is an extremely hot world where everyone walks around with nothing on and eats nothing but toast. They eat toast crusts for their vegetables and the actual toast for dessert, and do not care if it is rotten to the last fibre, so everyone thinks of Toastyworld as a rather strange place that one does not often visit for more than five minutes.
This particular cat did not know a thing about Toastyworld and had not actually heard the name ever before, so when the banner above the portal that tells where the portal goes to opened, the cat was naturally curious about Toastyworld and so decided, unwisely, to walk through the portal and visit Toastyworld. As soon as the cat stepped out of the other side of the portal, he was hit by an immense wave of heat and uncloaked body odor. He looked around and decided, “I think I do not want to stay here.” So he turned around and was just in time to leap through the portal before it closed, as all portals do eventually.
As soon as he was back in his little apartment, he curled up on the couch and went to sleep. The next day, he did his usual: Grooming, eating, and springing up on the couch for his usual day-long nap.
But before he could fall asleep, he began to feel just a bit curious about Toastyworld. He began to feel that maybe, just maybe, there could be more to Toastyworld than immense heat and naked people. Maybe there was some kind of ancient ruin there, or a priceless relic that most of the other worlds would kill their king to have. Maybe Toastyworld was actually worth exploring. Having thought this, the cat fell asleep waiting for the portal to open.
The cat woke up in the middle of the night, with no portal to Toastyworld in the living room. He groaned. He had slept right through the opening of the portal, as he had done every day except yesterday. He had woken up that time because the tuna fish he had eaten was a bit sour and so had made his stomach complain for his whole nap, making him sleep a bit more lightly than usual. The cat decided with glee that he would certainly have to eat a lot more sour tuna in the future. He curled back up and took another nap.
He woke up with the portal to Toastyworld just opening up in his living room. The cat decided to have a little fun before he went by jumping into the portal off the arm of his favorite clawed-to-shreds couch. And so he did, and landed on the soft, deep red sand of Toastyworld.
You would think that the people of Toastyworld have no source of iron, as they eat nothing but toast. Actually, this is not entirely true. They do eat one thing other than toast, and that is the deep red sand that blankets Toastyworld. They do this purely for the purpose of getting their iron, because they had finally discovered at one point in their odd history that you cannot get your iron from getting toast. They discovered this because they had been studying why so many of the Toastyworlders either died or grew up very frail and weak and they had seen that the people with no toast to eat just ate the red sand, but they still grew up reasonably healthy. They eventually figured out that this was because the sand was red because it had iron in it, so now they feed their children red sand as a dietary supplement. This is why the sand is red; it is full of iron like the sand of Mars.
The cat found himself wondering about the history of Toastyworld and why the sand was red and whether Muenster cheese would be good on his tuna melts. Having had this thought, he stood up and began to explore. “Nothing over there but a village full of naked people,” he thought, looking to the east. The west was just one vast plain, so he decided that it would be the most interesting to explore. The cat thought for a while and then set off on his long journey across the ironic sands of Toastyworld.
During his travels he entertained himself by seeing how many different types of sand he could not find and counting all the bugs that were not there. He also kept busy by sleeping on a nonexistent sofa that he had freshly clawed to shreds for his own comfort. Soon this interesting routine began to show some monotony, and the cat realized that he had probably gone all around Toastyworld, somehow managing to avoid the numerous naked villages that dotted the globe of Toastyworld.
Toastyworld is actually about a hundred times larger than the earth, so he had really gone only about two Toastyworld miles. But the cat did not know that Toastyworld was this large, and so he was thoroughly puzzled by this seemingly endless red plain he was crossing in hopes of finding something interesting, unlike villages that belong to an unclothed civilization.
The cat was beginning to think that he had lived his whole life on Toastyworld, or that he had been on Toastyworld for over a year, but Toastyworld days are much longer than our own. Again, this confused the cat and he was beginning to think that, even if he died on Toastyworld, that he would find nothing the least bit interesting on this great red plain.
But this would soon be proven wrong.
The next day the cat found an old temple in a state of deep disrepair, as most all ancient temples that we find are. The cat, after a long train of thought about the use of certain spices on chicken to make it taste more like unroasted beef, entered the temple. He wandered around for a while and then decided that he was lost. Then the cat thought about the situation carefully and decided that he quite liked being lost in a dark, spooky temple which is in ruins and that he should do it more often.
A few days later, the cat found his way to the entrance and began again his journey over the great red desert, all the while thinking how well salmon would taste with goat cheese and whipped cream. As I had told you earlier, the cat thought he was a cushion and so in order to sleep comfortably, he simply slept on top of himself which gave him quite a wonderful night’s sleep despite the fact that sometimes Toastyworlders got lost and came out into his campsite, which the sight of whom woke him immediately. But the lost Toastyworlders hardly seemed to notice he was there, and usually just kept on walking over the desert/plains in nudity and great thirst.
The cat didn’t really seem to notice that he was almost a prune by now, because he was having too much fun doing nothing. One day he met a large and rather scaly hill, which was quite unusual for a desert/plain like Toastyworld. He stretched and yawned. To his utter surprise, the hill then stretched and yawned just like the cat had done. “Who are you?” he asked. “Who are you?” the hill replied.
The cat stared in shock at the hill and discovered that it was a dragon after a long and interesting conversation. Even though it was interesting, you would most probably be quite bored if I were to put down the whole conversation here, so instead I shall just put a few excerpts so you can see how interesting the conversation was.
“Why are you scaly?”
“Why are you scaly?”
“Are you TRYING to copy me!?!?”
“Are you TRYING to copy me!?!?”
After quite a bit of this interesting conversation, the dragon kindly directed him to the nearest oasis, which had ironically red water. After drinking the whole oasis up, the cat decided that the dragon was very interesting to talk to and that he should come back to chat again sometime for the boredom of it. In the next few days he kept busy by napping and thinking about how much he and his stomach had in common.
After about a week of walking and of this train of thought, the cat began to think that maybe canned tuna had not yet been invented on Toastyworld. After all, he had not seen even one scrap of tuna fish lying around this dusty red Mars imitation.
He thought that this was illegal because Mars’s patent hadn’t expired yet, and so it was unfair that planets should go around imitating Mars like this. He also thought it was illegal that there was no fish on this planet. There should be a law against the fact that there is no fish on this planet of nakedness, he thought.
That night one of the naked locals came into his campsite and rudely awakened him by poking him with a small but stinky round thing. He knew there was no need to open his eyes; he knew all too well what he would see.
The Toastyworlder picked him and his tuna provisions up and carried them for a long time. About a day later (Though it seemed like a year to the cat), they arrived at the village of nudity. Suddenly, the cat was jerked awake by one of the imaginary bugs crawling over his back and politely asked the bug to do it again, in a voice that did not exist. The cat thought he liked the idea of not existing and was then sucked into a portal.
The cat saw a hole open up in a grain of sand, out of which fell a few balloons, a chocolate cake and an old lady who had apparently been attending her granddaughter’s birthday party. Among other things, the cat discovered that his name was really mgjdjchdjf and that he was apparently the king of France, except that the planet he was on had been sued for imitating Mars, so he wasn’t really the king of France after all. He thought about this idea and then decided to use kung fu on it. He apparently won in a wrestling match with the idea, because it had fled his mind completely.
Then he awoke from his odd dream.
He then was deposited back onto the surface of Toastyworld and a fresh wave of heat and body odor greeted him with a big bear hug. He thought about tuna melts being named appropriately and the various flavors of squashed field mice and other charming things as he got up and walked on. He curled up upon himself as usual that night and went to sleep at once.
The next morning he awoke to a portal back to home opening in front of him. By now he was quite tired of Toastyworld and wanted to go back home. So he leaped through the portal and landed on the soft couch he called home. He began to wonder if this was all a mirage, or if a portal had really opened. Then he just seemed to forget his troubles as he burrowed into a hole in the couch he had clawed out. Sofa foam flew everywhere as he disappeared into the couch. Soon there was nothing left of him but a strange lump, which seemed to be a cushion underneath the couch cover. Sometimes when the cat did this, he was accidentally sat on by an unsuspecting person who liked to sit on lumps in the couch.
In fact, the person who had sat on him most recently was a person who had dedicated his life to sitting on the lumps in couches. Before you tell me that this is impossible and that no one in the whole world is that crazy and that only monsters do that, I must tell you that it is a perfectly normal habit and lots of people all around the world like to sit on the lumps in couches. Just ask your math teacher if she does it, if you don’t believe me. She is a monster, isn’t she?
The cat had slept under the couch cover for quite a long time when he decided he was bored. He decided to have a race with a nearby snail while he was creeping out of his hole. So they had a race to see who could get out of the hole in the couch first, and the snail won. When he got out of the hole, he was quite surprised to find himself sitting on a couch, out in the middle of the great red plains of Toastyworld, and he was even more surprised to see that the couch was rocketing along at an insane speed. But the thing that really shocked him was the discovery that the couch was green and not red like it had been back at home.
He would later discover that Toastyworld couches were always green, so as to ward off the evil spirit that plagued the Toastyworlders and made them act the way they do. But green couches were not much help against the evil spirit, and really only convinced her to lessen their body odor a bit. This evil spirit made the Toastyworlders miserable, and to show their ingratitude, they gave her three spoonfuls of red sand a day to help her be healthy for all eternity. They also refused to build their villages away from her.
As you can see, Toastyworlders have quite a strange way of showing ingratitude toward the evil spirit. You would think that only building their villages around her many homes and feeding her special red sand would be a gesture of loyalty toward the evil spirit, but on Toastyworld it is a gesture of deep offense. The spirit did not know this, as she had just recently arrived on Toastyworld 10,000 years ago, so she thought they were worshipping her. Why, you ask, would the spirit be cruel to people she thought were worshipping her? The answer is obvious: she is an evil spirit.
But, we must now go back to the cat. He marveled at how slow the couch was actually going and not rocketing along at over 100 MPH. He also thought a bit about how the snail could possibly have beaten him. Then he remembered that snails are very fast runners, and he decided that if he was ever to beat a snail in a race, he must exercise more.
When the rocketing couch finally stopped, the cat got off, making a small crater.
The couch then turned red, stopped hovering and plopped down with a thump.
The cat then opened his eyes. He was lying on his backpack and had awakened from yet another strange dream. He scolded himself and remembered not to pounce on imaginary beetles before bedtime. They always gave him odd dreams.
Some 10,000 Toastyworld miles away, a dragon screamed.
The cat was getting very bored (and didn’t pounce on a pretend insect), so he decided to sleep. By now, the author was getting very bored, and was not sure how much longer she could wait before something interesting happened, so when the cat awoke the next morning there was a tiny hole in front of his nose. To cats, holes mean gophers and moles, so he was naturally very excited and he decided right away to begin the excavation.
After about an hour of digging, due to his being very slightly lazy, he had in front of him a hole two inches deep. He wiped his exhausted forehead and started to dig again.
Suddenly, the ground gave way.
The cat was thrown head-over-heels onto what seemed like an endless, dirty slide as he rocketed along underground at top speeds. The slide ended with a BUMP and the cat found himself in an underground room which seemed to be full of very angry dragons, all giving him their own patented looks of death.
“Why are you here?” asked one.
“What are you, a humjv l/vk?” asked another.
“You’re weird.”
Soon the air was filled with a chorus of dragon voices, all yelling at the cat for one thing or another.
A very wizened, old-looking dragon began to push and shove his way through the crowd. He seemed to be very important, for he wore a crown inset with five opals and all the other dragons were making way for him.

February 19th, 2006, 8:08 PM
*has suffocated due to overlaughter and is now dead*

Heeheehee, very random and funny. ^.^ TOASTYWORLD!!!!! *glomptackles Dragon-Chan* 'Twas quite amusing. Keep it up. n_n;

February 19th, 2006, 8:11 PM
Thanks, Thorns. That's what i'm aiming for.

February 21st, 2006, 6:29 AM
That.... was really.... REALLY.... REEEEEAAALLLYYY..... weird.... I'm looking forward to seeing more of it.

February 28th, 2006, 7:09 PM
That...that...was so...TOTALLY AWESOME!!!

I wish I could write stuff like that. No, mine's delusional... in different ways.

Very nice, great run-ons, and I can't wait to see more. :)

March 13th, 2006, 4:54 PM
Thanks...*quickly heals thread from 30-day-old disease*You people must not know what good literature is if you think my writing is good. xD