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King Boo
February 28th, 2006, 01:05 AM
This is for Skie

Writen with a pen,seald with a kiss
If u were my friend,u would awnserw me dis
do u lov me or do u not?,u told me once but i forgot
i had a heart dat once was ture,but not its gone,form me to u
so take care of it,for wat i have done,now u have 2
and i have none,so when i go to heaven and your not there
i'll wait for u at the pearly stairs,if your not there on judgement day
i no u went the other way,so i'll trade,my wings and all my perecious things
just to prove love is ture,i'll go any where for u!

KeeperEUSC
February 28th, 2006, 08:48 AM
Spell Check.
One button.
That's all you would've had to pressed to avoid looking like an idiot.

Unless that was the angle you were going for:
"Haha i luv dis girl an so i wroted a poem four her on dis site so its kinda about pokemon"

fallen_natsumixx
February 28th, 2006, 07:48 PM
... You should talk.

But anyways, yeah you misspelled several words, forgot to put in proper punctuation marks and... you used Chat Speak. Your score:

-0/10

=/

Chuchino
February 28th, 2006, 08:41 PM
Gosh, you guys could at least leave constructive criticism. Duh. (BTW, that wasn't aimed at you, Fallen)

Shadow Rayquaza, the syllabic content is good, and it rhymes well. It makes sense, too, but I'd just suggest spellchecking your words and perhaps not use netspeak next time. I'd say you did a pretty good job =]

Kylie-chan
February 28th, 2006, 09:15 PM
Please, guys.

Try and be constructive, or I will be forced to warn you. Disrespect to other members is outlawed on PC.

22sa
February 28th, 2006, 09:27 PM
Gosh, you guys could at least leave constructive criticism. Duh. (BTW, that wasn't aimed at you, Fallen)At least they took the time to read it... and the one actual criticism you made in your post was the same as theirs. o_O;

As far as I can tell, the theme of your poem a neurotic sort of love or desperation. I like it, anyway, but it's very easy to read.

Anyways it looks like those "sp errors" were done on purpose as a part of his style.

Kylie-chan
February 28th, 2006, 09:49 PM
Yeah, but 22sa, they were nastier about it.

22sa
February 28th, 2006, 09:57 PM
Yeah, but 22sa, they were nastier about it.I think they'll take that as a compliment, lol.

Nastier = more exciting XP

Kylie-chan
February 28th, 2006, 10:01 PM
I think they'll take that as a compliment, lol.

Nastier = more exciting XP
It's still rude, and therefore not allowed.

Frostweaver
February 28th, 2006, 10:05 PM
And once again, the lameness of poetry shows up. Any possible "errors" such as spelling mistakes can always be justified as "it's done for poetic purposes. You just don't get it." That's why I hate poems x_x;

Another way to look at the "mistakes beyond count and belief" is that it's ironic. Here he is talking about all this great expression of love in the form of a poem, yet it is filled with the simplest errors that even google's english translation of a japanese poem will have less grammar mistakes than this english poem. One can defend this poem by saying that it's ironic, and that the author doesn't mean anything he say at all. He doesn't show the effort to do these simple tasks in the name of this "great love." In the end, love is worth less than the time needed to do a quick scan for a spell check. Love is nothing but a casual play.


And if I got banned in the name of "this review is too harsh" I'll be too proud of myself ^______^

NiNGi
February 28th, 2006, 10:16 PM
lol liek ppl r so rude.

i liek the poem cuz its liek writtn in a lnaguage i cna understend.
besides, u ppl try to luk smart with ur grammar lol geeks hueheuhu!!1

The grammar is just a sugar coating on a cake. The meaning is what really counts, in a poem.
You could have corrected it in a much simplier way, but you guys had to look smart for your 5 seconds of 'glory'... way to fail.

Anyways, 6/10 is my rating. :]

Frostweaver
February 28th, 2006, 10:19 PM
And grammar got no effect on meaning since year...???

If "mom" and "mother" are enough to twist the entire connotation of a sentence, then I can't see why can't "u" and "you" hold the same effect...

Grammar will always matter in literature, because every single character (letters, punctuations and spaces alike) will contribute in one way or another in a piece of writing.

NiNGi
February 28th, 2006, 10:27 PM
wow. you seem very intelligent! That post proved it.

Written with a pen, sealed with a kiss
If you were my friend, you would answer me this
do you love me or do you not? You told me once, but i forgot
I had a heart that once was true, but now its gone, from me to you
so take care of it, for what I have done, now you have two
and I have none, so when I go to heaven and you're not there
I'll wait for you at the pearly stairs; if you're not there on judgement day
I know you went the other way; so I'll trade my wings and all my precious things
just to prove love is true, I'll go anywhere for you!

Now, if you tell me you did not understand it before, you're a dumbass. Even if you tell me that it changed by much, you're a dumbass, so yeah, you're a dumbass either way for trying to sound smart.

Frostweaver
February 28th, 2006, 10:40 PM
Is the literal meaning the same? basically...

Is the connotative meaning the same? far from it...

Understanding a piece of literature by its literal denotative meaning is one way to read, but it's definitely not the only thing reviewers should consider when s/he is reviewing a piece of work. If everything is only taken to the literal level, then every and anyone who uses symbolism are not making any sense already. Yet, symbolism is by far one of the strongest mechanism in writing, so it must have its own strenght that even surpass the denotative meaning of itself.

I understand both your version and Shadow Rayquaza's "poems." However, I am definitely not sharing the same meaning in-between the two of them.

Thank you for the praises. Frosty shall be flattered by them. ;)

NiNGi
February 28th, 2006, 10:42 PM
lmfao.

Trying to kill my braincells with your professor talk won't work.

You are a dumbass, and that's final. =D

Lily
March 1st, 2006, 12:14 PM
Sigh. Hypocrisy.

lmfao.

Trying to kill my braincells with your professor talk won't work.

You are a dumbass, and that's final. =D

And you aren't (an attention seeking person who can't seem to accept opinions)?

Warned. Please don't bash. =D

Also, no matter how hard you try, grammar will never become obsolete. It's what makes the work presentable, in most cases.

Oh oh, and also, don't insult people without justifying your reasons (this accounts for everyone from hereby forth). Frostweaver was explaining a very simple concept; I'm assuming you dismissed without ever bothering to back up your lacking post. Please refrain from doing that. It doesn't make the person you insult look like the know-it-all...Only you. ^_^

NiNGi
March 1st, 2006, 12:33 PM
lol, warned! <3

Attention seeking person? I doubt it. I just did what I had to... defending someone whos good attempt to make poetry was crushed by some 'omfgimaleetprofessor' kind of person.

Oh, and you might have some reading problems or something (dislexia?), because I've actually explained the same thing you just said about grammar's purpose. I never said it's obsolete or non-relevant. Learn to read plz kthx <3
And note that I've actually justified the reasons for calling him a DUMBASS. It was legitimate, more than your warning was. :]

Btw, writing is a mean of communication. If a point is written in a language non comprehensible to me, it does nothing but causing me brain damage, which I already have plenty. Kids like to look like they're smart, don't they? =D

I lol'd @ the semi-perfect... <3

Lily
March 1st, 2006, 12:43 PM
Quote time! =D

lol, warned! <3

Lovely. <3

Attention seeking person? I doubt it. I just did what I had to... defending someone whos good attempt to make poetry was crushed by some 'omfgimaleetprofessor' kind of person.

Sugar coating criticism?...no. The writer will never improve then. There are harsher critics than Frostweaver, and your review itself was partially critical... o_O;

Oh, and you might have some reading problems or something (dislexia?), because I've actually explained the same thing you just said about grammar's purpose. I never said it's obsolete or non-relevant. Learn to read plz kthx <3

Oh no. I'm illiterate. Whatever shall I do?

Actually, I just said the obsolete part on my own account. Since you mentioned grammar was merely 'sugar coating,' it sounded like it didn't matter in your perspective. ^_^; My apologies for that.

Oh, and I've actually justified the reasons for calling him a DUMBASS. It was legitimate, more than your warning was. :]

...

Now, if you tell me you did not understand it before, you're a dumbass. Even if you tell me that it changed by much, you're a dumbass, so yeah, you're a dumbass either way for trying to sound smart.

Never knew that word could fit so many times in a paragraph.

Trying to kill my braincells with your professor talk won't work.

You are a dumbass, and that's final. =D

Ironically, professors are usually smart.

I lol'd @ the semi-perfect... <3

Aw, thanks. <3

If you disagreed with what he wrote, please don't turn it into bashing, and instead state so rationally without the use of 'dumbass.' That only makes you look like the culprit, which I hope is not the intentional case. So please, no more flaming. =/

Zelos
March 1st, 2006, 12:50 PM
Well, I'm gonna have to go with Frost on this one, poetry DOES depend a lot on the meaning, but not only that. Presentation is in an important factor. When I saw how the poem in question was written, it almost made we want to skip right over it because I knew that it would be trouble enough just to figure out what the writer was saying.

Also, I see no justification for calling someone a curse word, which, if you read the rules, which you probably didn't, is against them. Maybe you should go check over them again. Just because you gave these "reasons" for calling him a name, that really doesn't mean that you're allowed to do it. Just refrain from doing it, does acting like a child really make anyone want to listen to you? Certainly not me. =D

Now, that's over, I'll rate the poem ^^;; It was a very well-written piece, but the fact that chatspeak was used kinda tuned down my score o.O

1.5-2/10

(I don't normally review poems, but when I saw this I just had to say something o.O)

NiNGi
March 1st, 2006, 12:57 PM
I'm not bashing anyone... dumbasses have rights too, I respect that...

I've criticized the grammar, then I corrected the poem for those [insert word to replace dumbasses] who were too busy looking smart to try and understand the meaning of the poem.

I don't usually criticize poetry, so I didn't really correct his mistakes at first. The first thing that I did was correcting the [insert word to replace dumbasses] that avoided correcting his mistakes for their personal amusement.

But meh, I always knew the mods were 'not very competent' around here... ;]

And LOL, this place is filled with such Hitler-like rules for not offending kids, and yet, the poetry forum is filled with anything but constructive criticism.

funny ****. =D

EDIT: @Tyson

Ignorance is a veeery bad thing. I was around in this place since quite a while, so I think I know the rules well enough...

Well, sir, you fail.

Cherrim
March 1st, 2006, 02:00 PM
funny ****. =D

EDIT: @Tyson

Ignorance is a veeery bad thing. I was around in this place since quite a while, so I think I know the rules well enough...
Evidently not.

One warning for both swearing and disrespecting other members. Last I checked, swearing wasn't allowed even if you don't bypass the censors and 'dumbass' was not a respectful term.

The rules, for reference. (http://www.pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=54097)

NiNGi
March 1st, 2006, 02:04 PM
There is a difference between knowing the rules and obeying them, dear! <3

And LOL, asteriscs are considered swearing now? Great. I learn something new every day... ;3

And wtf. I bring so much love to this dead place, and people hate me so much? That OFFENDED me. I'll report you now. >=[

~Ozy~
March 1st, 2006, 02:12 PM
Now, Frosty has a point in stating that many poets defend any mistakes, errors, contradictions, or grammatical ignorances in their work by claiming poetic lisence. However, this arguement fails to hold water for the amatuer or immature poet, as it has to add somerthing to the structure or meaning of the poem for it to be truly poetic. This poem fails to pass that litmus test and makes the author look like he spends more time on AIM than correcting, revising, or otherwise improving his work.

I'll be the first to admit that when it comes to poetry, I'm far from a traditionalist. I do believe that the "rules" of modern poetry are far too loose, however there are wonderful prose-poems out there. It is something that's hit-or-miss in every sense.

Now, onto the review...

Fix the spelling and grammar. That simple. It obstructs (not obscures, it can still be made sense of, but it's difficult) the meaning of the poem without adding a red cent of value.

Secondly, it's too blunt. Something I've learned is that to make a poem a better read, it's best to avoid mentioning the subject of the poem directly. Directness, bluntness and open honesty are best for the essay. A poem is a better place for allusion, metaphor, anaphora, so on and so forth. So the major edit I would suggest would be to obscure the meaning. Believe it or not, strong imagery and metaphor make the reader thing, connect better, and finally, feel in a much more personal way the meaning of your piece than simply stating what feelings you want to evoke.

King Boo
March 1st, 2006, 11:50 PM
WOW THANKS SO MANY REPLIES,im sorry if u don't like it guys but i try u no,yeah i use alot of slang ever since i go no msn now soz for dat (see what i mean),anyway guys thankz for the replies

NiNGi
March 2nd, 2006, 12:06 AM
I think you did a good job, sir! Next time, though, you might want to try making an effort about spelling... I corrected your poem in a few seconds. Shouldn't take you long if you correct it yourself next time. ;3

Oh, and as a side note, I <3 Ozy's review.

Kylie-chan
March 2nd, 2006, 02:12 PM
I agree with the whole punctuation thing. Punctuation helps the whole thing be a bit more readable, and it can really manipulate the meaning of something. Punctuation is an essential element of writing; I doubt that's ever going to change. o_o

It's not really clear from your writing if you were using chatspeak because that's how you type, or for... some unknown reason, but I'll treat it as if you were using it like the former option. I might be a dumbass, but I seriously have to concentrate on deciphering it. So I'll use Ninja boy's translation:

Written with a pen, sealed with a kiss
If you were my friend, you would answer me this:

I like that. o_O; A bit surprising from me, but I do. It just... flows so nicely there. [I added the colon myself, btw.]

do you love me or do you not? You told me once, but i forgot
I had a heart that once was true, but now its gone, from me to you

This, on the other thand, doesn't. I believe you should have made that into two couplets, to fit with the rhyming system of the poem. I... would remove the "do you" from "do you not?", just to shorten it down a bit and to make it consistent. Also... I don't get how you forgot, but meh. I just don't understand that bit...
"I had a heart that once was true" - true to yourself...? I'm not sure about that one. Also, again, this part of the poem doesn't flow. It just seems to jerk along here: "now it's gone, from me to you".

so take care of it, for what I have done, now you have two
and I have none, so when I go to heaven and you're not there

I... really don't understand this bit. Not at all. "For what I have done?" And... yeah, this doesn't flow either, with the first bit. If I put your lines in rhyming couplets, it makes a bit more sense, but... two and there really don't rhyme. I'm not saying that poetry has to rhyme; this just doesn't seem like free verse to me. o.o

I'll wait for you at the pearly stairs; if you're not there on judgement day
I know you went the other way; so I'll trade my wings and all my precious things

Aww, this bit is sweet. ^__^ This bit, separated properly, would flow a lot better. <3 I don't really have any fault with this bit.

just to prove love is true, I'll go anywhere for you!

Nice, but it's... just... not quite even with the others, if you understand what I mean.

All in all, it's a good poem, beyond the chatspeak. ^_^ I don't get how the chatspeak has anything to do with the poem, so next time, please write literately. xD; I kind of agree with ~Ozy~ about the directness of it, but there's no law stating your poem has to have metaphors and such.

Lily
March 2nd, 2006, 03:13 PM
Um, Kylie-chan...I've researched that poem, and evidently it's an ongoing chain letter through e-mails. A website (http://www.scrapbook.com/quotes/doc/4016/322.html) tells me it's anonymous.

Poems are poems. In the eyes of a poet, their poem might contain tons of deep hidden meanings; but in the eyes of a reader, very seldom do they share the same aspect (unless the concept is fairly common).

Kylie-chan
March 2nd, 2006, 03:34 PM
Um, Kylie-chan...I've researched that poem, and evidently it's an ongoing chain letter through e-mails. A website (http://www.scrapbook.com/quotes/doc/4016/322.html) tells me it's anonymous.

Poems are poems. In the eyes of a poet, their poem might contain tons of deep hidden meanings; but in the eyes of a reader, very seldom do they share the same aspect (unless the concept is fairly common).
It... is? O_o What's it doing here, then?

King Boo
March 2nd, 2006, 04:39 PM
huh?,i neva sore dat before!

NiNGi
March 3rd, 2006, 03:44 AM
lol...

I'm starting to think that the person I tried to defend at my expense is actually a retard... D:

UPDATE:

Heh... it's classified here (http://www.friendship.com.au/poetry/popular/pop4.html) as a "Popular Friendship Poem"... -.-'
It's nothing but a cheap edit from a common poem... -___-'

I lol'd at friendship.com. xD

Shadow Rayquaza, good job on adding the typos, though... I wouldn't have done a better job if I wanted to. D:

Lily
March 3rd, 2006, 06:34 PM
...and I JUST realized that now. Shadow Rayquaza, if you never knew it, how did you come across the poem? o_o;