View Full Version : "The Final Cut"

Careful With That Axe, Pichu!
March 5th, 2006, 7:23 PM
*Kneels and begs for constructive criticism*


"Turn off the music! Finish the fire. There's no such thing as hope anymore.
If I just had a reason to carry the light, I'd tear down the dream right onto the floor!
But the curtain is calling me and I have no doubt;
I will not shiver if there's no way out.
I could walk above the crowd, I took away so many lives,
And now my pasts have turned into a million stabbing knives.
I vanished homicides with murder; I slayed the wanderers with crime.
I built a life of penitence, and burned the memories of time.
I ran from justice acting justice, I looked so high, beyond the sky;
And insanity looked close, when the truth was just a lie.

And if you think that the show must go on,
And somehow you know I have to hang on;
And you feel uneasy, when I'm going home
You feel so obscured, you feel so unknown!

Well I got some news for you Diamond,
I never perform what they tell me to sing.
And go tell the world, I just trashed you away,
Hurry up sunshine, before all the bells ring,

In my muddy mind! Oh, I'm my beaten down brain
There were so many times I tried missing the train
And I felt so undone as I conquered the stardom,
As they were pulling the wires to strenghten the pain!

Come, nameless and distant voice in the space
Echoing faintly, floating with grace
And tell me if I could just close all the doors
Or put faith after murder, and fight holy wars;
Then walk out to nowhere, and find my reflectons
And wishes and dreams, dislikes and affections,
To bring down into pieces, and become a slave
Commanded by monsters, to step in my own....grave."

Sumomo & Kotoko
March 6th, 2006, 8:02 AM
OMG, *is in love with the poem*

I don't really understand what its about, its confussing, but what poem isen't??

I give it a 9/10!!
Reason: Some of the ryms seamed forced.
But it was over all a great piece of work!! :)

Careful With That Axe, Pichu!
March 6th, 2006, 5:53 PM
Thanks! I'll try to fix those rhymes.
It's about a man resigning after struggling so much to be joyful and letting his fears tie him like a puppet. You'll understand this better when I finish the whole story. :)