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Egyptian Sphinx
March 20th, 2006, 09:33 AM
Chapter One

The Rage Of Shadow Lugia XD001

The Story Line

In the land of Orre. The Cypher Institute invented a powerful shadow pokemon in their lab which there were more shadow pokemon that were powerful but there was one pokemon that was one of a kind which was called XD001 and was used as an ultimate weapon for use in battle. XD001's mind was racing as he opened his eyes for the first time. He looked around and blinked his eyes which were a dark red and his pupils contracted back and forth as he glimpsed his surroundings for awhile then his mad furious instincts kicked in and with a mighty roar he flapped his wings and afloated in mid-air opening his jaws which a small faintly light was glowing brighter and bigger. In another room next to where XD001 was being kept were some Cypher scientists working on the invetion of XD001 when they heard a blast nearby and the sounding of an alarm was heard. When the scientists got there they realized that XD001 was gone missing and was no where to be found in which a group of scientists volunteered for the search of XD001.

Next Chapter

The Search Of XD001

EDIT: I am needing characters for my next fanfic. So if you would like to join please fill out the form below.

Name:
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Pokemon: (The Pokemon you may not have are LEGENDARIES)
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Negrek
March 20th, 2006, 03:17 PM
Well, I really hope you did mean "criticism" and not "give my 'fic loving attention, plz."

I'm sorry, but you can't call a paragraph a chapter. You should have more than one paragraph of thought to go into a chapter. How can you have time for anything to *happen* in the space of, what, seven (barely) lines?

- How in heck can you manage to spell Cipher wrong? If you don't know how to spell it, all you have to do is pick up a game controller and find one of the many Cipher references scattered throughout XD. Failing that, there are several thousand websites available with that information. That's just LAZY.

- Please do use commas. They're cute and friendly.

- Please do use grammar in general. Also, eyes cannot "contract back and forth." Eyes can do neither. Irises can dilate or constrict, but "contracting" is growing smaller only.

This looks like something you typed in the thread creation window after a period of five minutes and are desperately hoping to pass off as a fanfic. It's not working.

I do appreciate your enthusiasm for writing, but ask that you take your time and actually *write* something properly. Apologies for sounding harsh, but seriously, this is not a 'fic... it's a paragraph.

Egyptian Sphinx
March 20th, 2006, 05:03 PM
Yes I know about that. Thats why I'm continuing the next chapter of where I left off

Negrek
March 20th, 2006, 06:56 PM
Why didn't you put what you're going to put in the next chapter in *this* one instead? Like I said, this isn't a proper chapter. It needs more stuff.

Egyptian Sphinx
March 20th, 2006, 08:22 PM
I prefer my fanfics seperate. But soon I'll do the next one and i might put them together

Egyptian Sphinx
March 23rd, 2006, 07:38 PM
Since the escape of XD001 the Cipher scientists continued the search for XD001. Mean while at another part of Orre Michael and his sister Jovi along with their Pokemon Eevee were traveling across their adventures, when a Cipher goon stopped them on their way. Michael readily accepted the challenge and sent out Eevee. The Cipher goon sent out a Pidgeotto then Michael's shadow detector activated and realized that a shadow pokemon is spotted, so he called on Eeve to use a tackle attack against Cipher's Pidgeotto which in return had used peck, and the battle continued on until the Cipher's pokemon became exausted and could no longer battle, Michael then threw a pokeball and snagged Pidgeotto, after the Cipher goon was defeated and walked away they continued on their journey when they reached a small town nearby and entered a Poke'Center to heal their Eevee and Shadow Pidgeotto, while Michael turned his attention to a TV a special news report about a ultimate Shadow Pokemon was on a rampage destroying anything in sight and needed to be stopped. When the news report ended Nurse Joy called and said that their pokemon were fully healed and took his pokemon with him and headed out of the poke'center. Michael turned to look at his sister Jovi and said to her "Jovi we're going on a search for the ultimate pokemon XD001 and to stop it we must work together to capture XD001 for our team", Jovi was happy and held Eevee in her arms and went on their search for the ultimate shadow pokemon called XD001.

Coming Soon: XD001 Is Sighted!

Chizzy
March 24th, 2006, 11:08 AM
Sorry...but you need ALOT more detail to be fair, and the battles need inproving...they aren't interesting enough...sorry, but that was a weakness of yours...

Really, any FanFic should put a clear image into anybodies head.

Lily
March 24th, 2006, 12:46 PM
This isn't a fanfic. It's a paragraph, a summary, a block of words trying to impersonate a fanfic. But not a 'fanfic.'

It might be a partially satisfactory one if you just stretch it out a bit and include the usual elements/mechanical insertions.

^_^; Please edit, or else it'll be closed.

~*!*~Tatsujin Gosuto~*!*~
March 30th, 2006, 05:15 PM
It needs way more than that. Take the advice above.

:t003:Dark Venusaur