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phantom_zangetsu
March 23rd, 2006, 09:15 PM
so here...again...another one of my work...

Myself

i find myself one day
trying to find who i am
i can see my shadow
disappear behind the mists

i feel like ive reached the end
i feel that my love has been used up
by all the people i cared
and stabbed me on the back

they took my care for granted
and never gave me respect nor freedom
they continue to consume me
untill im almost gone

untill that day came
when you saw me fading away
you looked down and smiled at me
so i stood and smiled too...

it was a funny feeling i had
trying to know you well
was something
i never experienced before

my world began to spin again
and everything was feeling fine
but when something goes wrong
i just pretend that the past isnt real

fallen_angel
March 25th, 2006, 07:02 PM
Wow that's so sad to me. I could see some small errors but not very noticeable. Good Job again. ^_^

phantom_zangetsu
March 26th, 2006, 01:25 AM
thnaks! only 16 poems to go...ill post them tomorrow im kinda lazy right now lol....thnks for the comment anyways!

Kalylia
March 26th, 2006, 06:58 AM
It was a decent poem. I'll tell you now that I've seen worse. But there are a few errors that I think could be worked out.

Your poem doesn't flow very well. There really is no rhythem. It changes from stanza to stanza. Yes, I know this is classified as "free verse", but even a good free verse poem has a little flow and rhythm.

It does however contain powerful emotion, which makes it good in that respect. You're on your way!

Oh, and unless you're e.e. cummings, try to use regular punctuation and capitalization. XP

Kalylia
March 26th, 2006, 06:59 AM
It was a decent poem. I'll tell you now that I've seen worse. But there are a few errors that I think could be worked out.

Your poem doesn't flow very well. There really is no rhythem. It changes from stanza to stanza. Yes, I know this is classified as "free verse", but even a good free verse poem has a little flow and rhythm.

It does however contain powerful emotion, which makes it good in that respect. You're on your way!

Oh, and unless you're e.e. cummings, try to use regular punctuation and capitalization. XP

phantom_zangetsu
March 27th, 2006, 07:22 PM
...oh...how embarassing...thanks! ill try to remember that!