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code zerro the deluge
March 24th, 2006, 03:02 PM
Uhh ok well we really gonna take emm back wit fis one. hahahahahah

Get low 0
God of the black see dat I'm back
Make a extinct ***** come back
Me and my friends homies called Jack
I be beatin but your is wack

Turn it up

I be keepin beats that are just to strong
You bouciin around like you on cheech and chong
If it was someone else you thought rong
American Dragon I am Jake Long

Beat this
Kiss it
Beat this
Hit it
Make it
Copy digit

Beat this
Kiss it
Beat this
Hit it
Make it
Copy digit

Well umm now that I'm back
Back wit a rap
Something like a kk tap
I seen you befor shopping at gap
All around town looking on my map

Turn it up

These dudes be coming in rong times
Can't you see dis girl is mine
If not then you must be blind
No go OOOLLLAAALLLAAALLAAA
I love da

Beat this
Kiss it
Beat this
Hit it
Make it
Copy digit

Get low 0
God of the block this is my rap
Sippin sipping on tree sap
Change the g to c and you got cap
On my head and on my back
My plans for my plan I'm back

Turn it up

Homies I don't be wastin no time
Even though time is mine
Wastin the world can't you see
That this is makiking me freaky
I love da

Beat this
Kiss it
Beat this
Hit it
Make it
Copy digit

Kalylia
March 26th, 2006, 07:19 AM
Uuum... Okay....

My suggestion to you is to attempt to use proper grammar and structure. Make your poems flow. For me, it was really hard to understand because I was too focused on English errors. Usuing good grammar makes poetry more enjoyable and easier to read.

code zerro the deluge
March 26th, 2006, 08:40 AM
it was kinda supposed to be like that.

Kalylia
March 26th, 2006, 08:49 AM
Well, then there you go. I was giving you some advice to help you get better in the future. And that was only my opinion. Keep writing.

code zerro the deluge
March 27th, 2006, 03:50 AM
But it was meant to be like that.

Amy-chan
March 27th, 2006, 06:44 AM
She realizes that, Code Zerro. Read her last reply again. And, as for the poem itself...

My suggestion to you is to attempt to use proper grammar and structure. Make your poems flow. For me, it was really hard to understand because I was too focused on English errors. Usuing good grammar makes poetry more enjoyable and easier to read.
Agreed, on everything. If that's your style, I suppose there's no reason for me to be too critical(must...resist...urge...to kill....) but, as was said, with so many errors it was hard to concentrate on anything else. Keep writing, though. I'm sure you'll improve if you just heed the comments of your readers.

code zerro the deluge
March 27th, 2006, 03:50 PM
ohh I thought she meant it wasn't supposed to be like that.

~*!*~Tatsujin Gosuto~*!*~
March 27th, 2006, 05:55 PM
The grammer needs more work and I really don't get the chorus like thingy.

:t003:Dark Venusaur

phantom_zangetsu
March 28th, 2006, 10:17 PM
...i have to agree with the great phantom mew...well, its good rap though! keep it up!

T-Master
March 29th, 2006, 05:35 PM
:( I could beat it in my sleep. Why are you rapping about that stuff if you're only 12? Seriously now.

code zerro the deluge
March 30th, 2006, 04:25 PM
i am not talking about that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

T-Master
March 31st, 2006, 10:43 PM
OH, well, uhh...

http://www.picpop.com/gallery/albums/userpics/10585/rgrtht.JPG