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Persona
March 25th, 2006, 07:12 PM
another love poem, yes i do a lot of them O.o' this one's not one of my better ones though.

For you I would climb
The highest mountain peak
Swim the deepest ocean
Your love I do seek.

For you I would cross
The rivers most wide
Walk the hottest desert sand
To have you by my side.

For you are the one
Who makes me whole
You've captured my heart
And touched my soul.

For you are the one
That stepped out of my dreams
Gave me new hope
Showed me what love means.

For you alone
Are my reason to live
For the compassion you show
And the care that you give.

You came into my life
And made me complete
Each time I see you
My heart skips a beat.

For you define beauty
In both body and mind
Your soft, gentle face
More beauty I'll never find.

For you are the one
God sent from above
The angel I needed
For whom I do love.

Kalylia
March 26th, 2006, 06:32 AM
Very nice. I haven't seen your poetry before, then again, I was forced to take a leave-of-absence. Anyways, it's a nice poem. You're rhyme scheme is very good, and you made MARVELOUS use of parallelism in the first lines of the stanzas.

As for contructive criticism... Well, if I may?

Your fourth stanza's rhythem doesn't quite fit with the rest of the poem. Through the other stanzas, you have a usual for 4, very equal lines. In that stanza, though, there are two long, two short. That type of stanza is a good thing, I'm not saying that it's a bad idea. It just doesn't fit with the rest of the poem. It could be revised, but isn't in dire need of being done.

Again, good work!!

Persona
March 26th, 2006, 06:46 AM
dont worry, i don't think its a bad thing at all. thanx for the comment and i'll work on that.

fallen_angel
March 27th, 2006, 05:31 AM
Wow that's so sweet. I think that's a great poem. The fifth part didn't have the rhythm and that's the only thing I can see. ^_^

Persona
March 27th, 2006, 01:09 PM
Wow that's so sweet. I think that's a great poem. The fifth part didn't have the rhythm and that's the only thing I can see. ^_^

ya, i thought no one would notice O.o good eye.

~*!*~Tatsujin Gosuto~*!*~
March 27th, 2006, 05:58 PM
It was a very good poem. Most people will throw anything into a love poem.

:t003:Dark Venusaur

Persona
March 27th, 2006, 06:24 PM
ya, i worked on that for awhile. thanx ^_^