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Zelos
April 6th, 2006, 11:32 AM
Now, I know this is a pretty short poem, but I was just sitting at school while writing this and started to get bored after a while. ^^;

~Springtime~

The rolling hills, the flowery fields
How beautiful to see
So royal and majestic
How much better could it be?

The sun is shining brightly
Birds are chirping all around
Children are outside playing
Happiness is abound.

A variety of colors
Are available to view
The trees, flowers, and plants
Have all begun anew.

But, sadly, there will come a day
When all this disappears,
But, fear not, for the cycle will continue
In all the coming years.

Yeah...I know it stinks X.X;; Constructive criticism is definitely welcome, but flat out insulting me is not. <3

`Temp

Kalylia
April 6th, 2006, 01:13 PM
It was a nice poem, Tempest. The only problem I see (which has nothing to do with grammar or spelling, thankfully) is your rhythm and flow aren't consistant. You tend to jump between rhythm patterns as the stanza changes. It's nothing major, after all, you can do pretty much anything you want in poetry. (Heck, e.e. cummings didn't even use punctuation or capitalization, and he's hailed as one of the greatest poets of all time by many people, myself included). But, people like poems that have a nice, predictable rhythm and flow. Just something to revise if you ever decide you want to!

Zelos
April 6th, 2006, 01:35 PM
Hmm, really? I guess I didn't notice, thanks for telling me! ^^;

(I was surrounded by kids that were talking so it was kinda hard to focus on what I was doing <<; )

Memory
April 6th, 2006, 01:43 PM
I luff your poems. Your poems own me. :3. xD I really like this poem, better than anything I couild do :D

Zelos
April 6th, 2006, 01:45 PM
Eh, not really. Thanks for commenting, though. =3

But I better not argue, for I can never win those...

phantom_zangetsu
April 6th, 2006, 06:47 PM
hmm....cool keep it up! its rally nice. i didnt see any spelling errors (unlike my poems TT) so 89/100 keep up trhe good work!

Zelos
April 7th, 2006, 02:56 PM
Thanks! ^^ I'm trying to get better =D