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Midori Chi
April 9th, 2006, 04:19 PM
My old one died, yet I still enjoy making poetry, so I decided to revive my poetry thread. So, here's my first one I'd like to share:

Emptiness

I'm staring in your eyes right infront of you,
but you can't see me.
I whisper in your ear right beside you,
but you can't hear me.
I hold your hand gentily,
but you can't feel me.
I cry in mourn for you,
but you don't know me.

Emptiness, emptiness...
Is that what it is?
Why can't you see me?
Why can't you hear me?
Why can't you feel me?
How do you not know me?

Emptiness, emptiness..
Is that what it is?
My brain reacts slowly
--In a dizz.

I look out my window.
And you look out yours.
I stare at your house.
You stare at the doors.

I'm wating and waiting.
When will you see?
When will you hear?
When will you feel?
When will you remember?

Emptiness, emptiness..
Is that what it is?
My brain reacts slowly
--In a dizz.

Emptiness, empitness..
Is that what is is?
I wait for you. I'm lonely.
Don't you know me?
And my brain reats slowly


--In a dizz.

fallen_angel
April 13th, 2006, 01:41 PM
Wow that's good. It seems like something a song should be like. ^_^ Keep improving!

Midori Chi
April 13th, 2006, 02:08 PM
Yay! A reply! I feel like my new poems aren't as good or something. TT

Yeah, I'd figure it's be more like a song than a poem.
XD

Thanks

Kalylia
April 13th, 2006, 02:51 PM
That was a nice poem. It had nice flow and rhythm, though the word "dizz" caught me off a little. *laughs* It's not that I don't like it, as it does keep the rhyme scheme going nicely, I'd just never heard it before!

Keep up the good work!

Midori Chi
April 13th, 2006, 04:09 PM
Yeah. I guess you're right. XD

Thanks. ^^

phantom_zangetsu
April 13th, 2006, 04:19 PM
heh, me too....i kinda got bit off on that dizz thing....although, nice work! ü keep it up!

Midori Chi
April 13th, 2006, 04:27 PM
Thanx XD

I promise my next poem here won't be as...different as this one was.