PDA

View Full Version : A Lonely Flower


Persona
April 13th, 2006, 04:42 PM
haven't done one in awhile. well... heres one i did about a flower.

The brilliance of the sky was dazzling,
the blue was never so deep.
Everything seemed so promising
when the seed broke it's apparent sleep.

Like a miniature window box
she had only a tea cup size bed.
Nestled deep between the rocks
of a lofty mountain ledge.

In the warm air she took root
and with determination she grew.
Towards the sun she was going to shoot
glistening with beads of morning dew.

She gathered strength with the rising sun,
afternoon rains would quench her thirst,
but there were no other plants, not a one,
it must be that she's just the first.

Then on a warm cloudless day
appeared a blossom to behold,
in a most majestic display
of purple, red and gold.

She continued to wait all alone,
waiting in all her splendor,
in amongst cold lifeless stone,
still she refused to surrender.

But the days got short and cold
and still no life could be found,
like us all she was getting old,
she finally realized no other plant would come around.

Then one day the world sparkled with frost
and on that day a flower cried,
for she knew that all was lost,
just before she withered and died.

Midori Chi
April 13th, 2006, 05:08 PM
*sniff*

This is wonderful!
This kind of rhythm is one of my favorite types of rhythm.
(does that make sense? XD)

Anyways, I could also feel the sadness of it. Very well done.

fallen_angel
April 13th, 2006, 05:32 PM
Thats so sad. Its a good poem though. ^_^

phantom_zangetsu
April 13th, 2006, 06:40 PM
....that's a nice poem the rhythm seemed to be ok...and the emotions are fully on the go and very soft and sad....i like it...you know? im trying hard to make a poem that sadfull

Persona
April 13th, 2006, 06:43 PM
thank you for all the comments ^^

phantom- don't give up, i tried hard to make this one sad.

MegaFuz
April 14th, 2006, 07:06 AM
Wow. That was beautiful. Only one thing bugged me...

But the days got short and cold
and still no life could be found,
like us all she was getting old,
she finally realized no other plant would come around.

The last line here seemed too long to me, and kinda broke up the rhythm developed throughout the poem. Other than that, I really loved it though!!