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Merzbau
April 20th, 2006, 11:10 AM
Just thought I'd make this thread. I'll be writing a lot more soon. I've got a bunch of great ideas that need to be pieced together. But first of all, I'll repost my contest entry poem.

Duos Polus

by blackhaert

Loose all your chains - Or stop all the rain
I want to stop talking but I have to explain
It's so hard to say - My life's been so upset
Can't even remember what I'd like to forget
It seems like a dream; I'm not sure I'm awake
If I am, shut me up and put me back to sleep
I'm so confused, I seem out of my mind
Have I just lost it? Was it just left behind?
It's just a bit hard to save someone else
When you need someone to save you yourself
But I'll shut up now while I'm ahead
I should be thankful: at least I'm not dead

I want this all to go away - Kill it away
Please help me, save me - Kill it away
But not yet

For it's my salvation - My mind's quick vacation
And I can't lose it without losing myself
My ideas and progress and thoughts of utopia
Losing them would be like losing my life but
It's still killing me from the inside and
Everyone knows it and everyone sees it but
I cannot fight, it's what I was born into
Can't change what I have - I can only deal with it
But that doesn't mean that I couldn't change this
Do I want to deal with therapy and lack of control?
For that kind of help I would have to fall victim and
I don't want it to become my god

I want this all to go away - Kill it away
Please help me, save me - Kill it away
But not yet

Kill me, and kill you, kill us all, kill me off, just kill something

I don't want to be saved but I'll have to go along
Unless I go down the alternative road
But then I'll just leave them with bloodshed and bullets and
That social stigma and-

As I said, that's Duos Polus, my contest entry.

Expect more out of me soon. Some maybe even today. It's Spring Break, I've got plenty of time to write some new stuff.

- John

Merzbau
April 23rd, 2006, 08:26 AM
Sorry to double post, but it's been like 3-4 days...I feel like a total moron for posting this in the wrong place. Please, can someone move it for me? --; Gah, I'm such an idiot.

Kalylia
April 25th, 2006, 02:03 PM
Well, now that the thread is here, I think I'll give you my comments! *laughs* As no one else has, I figure I'll be the first. I always hate it when I don't get comments on my poetry.

I didn't like how the first verse and second verse were so drastically different. Free verse, perhaps, but your first verse was wonderful. There was the occasional internal rhyme and a good rhythm with predictable end rhymes. It was a GOOD verse. The second verse was very dissapointing to me. I'd suggest trying to make it like the first, or at least, a little more so. That'll make the whole poem flow a little better.

Keep up the good work!!

Merzbau
April 25th, 2006, 03:53 PM
Well, now that the thread is here, I think I'll give you my comments! *laughs* As no one else has, I figure I'll be the first. I always hate it when I don't get comments on my poetry.

I didn't like how the first verse and second verse were so drastically different. Free verse, perhaps, but your first verse was wonderful. There was the occasional internal rhyme and a good rhythm with predictable end rhymes. It was a GOOD verse. The second verse was very dissapointing to me. I'd suggest trying to make it like the first, or at least, a little more so. That'll make the whole poem flow a little better.

Keep up the good work!!

To tell you the truth, I love the second verse more than the first verse by a mile. XD I know they're really contrasted...I kind of wanted it that way. o.o;

That poem's about Bipolar Disorder...to anyone who hasn't figured it out yet. It contrasts cuz I thought it would be nice that way to kind of...mimic the vast mood swings or whatever.

Thanks for the suggestions though, I really appreciate it. I thought I was never going to get someone to comment...XD

Merzbau
May 9th, 2006, 05:25 PM
I've been working constantly lately, with school and everything crowding me, so I haven't had a lot of time or inspiration to write. But...I wrote a new one. It's about Columbine. That says enough, I guess. Prepare to hear more from me soon. I'm writing craploads of stuff for my band, and...yeah. Anyway, here it is.

Collateral Damage

You say that it won't happen again
A deadly dose of empty reassurance
The boys you loved are now
The men that you fear
No tolerance for what
You should have fixed in the first place
The blame is shifted from you
To the ideal candidate
You latch onto your ideals
Like a blood-sucking leech
The problem is not influence
It is the hate of humanity

Hide behind your wall of scapegoats
Hide away so they can't find you
Be careful, don't let your guard down
You'll just be collateral damage

Could the problem hide behind
Your closed and barred up doors?
While you blame everyone else
For your deadly mistake
They destroy exactly what you
Tried to create for so long
Peace, love, and understanding
They came so close to ending it
They had a voice and they
Wanted to be heard
They will never be forgotten
For that was their wish
They will go down in history
For they will always be feared


That's a draft for now, but I like the way this one goes, really. Also, Manson fans might get one lyrical reference...just a small note. Feel free to comment on this all you want. I'd enjoy to hear if you liked it, hated it, etc. Off to post this on my other site~

prolific_rhapsody
May 13th, 2006, 03:04 PM
Dude, this sounds... emotional, to say the least. This proves that you care about what you write. Your art, so to speak. This is very cool, what you've written, and I would love to see more of your stuff!!!! I'm going to start a lyric thread here, soon...

Merzbau
June 11th, 2006, 09:39 AM
Expect more from me soon. I've been busy, and I've got a good mind to put to use. Expect my next work to be pushing the bar of my previous work up a notch. If I get the chance, I'll post my work here. Thanks for the support from the few who really like my work. Much love.

- John

Lucy Lu
June 11th, 2006, 11:51 PM
Nice work you got there. ^^ Your poetry has meaning. Like those two you did, it could feel the meaning behind it. And the meanings are true.

I am looking foward of reading more of your work. ^^

Merzbau
June 18th, 2006, 03:57 PM
I hate to keep posting these things without poetry, but since I last posted something has come up, so...

My computer is now officially on the blink, so my writing's paused for a bit. I really can't write anywhere but my computer at my desk, so...sorry for keeping you all waiting. I really want to write and I hate the buildup of ideas and all. I've got three ideas, and when I get my computer back in working order, I will write them immediately. My normal repair person is now moving all the way across the country, so...I'm having to get a friend's brother to work on it, who is very busy at the moment. So it may be a little while before I can get him up here. Thanks for being so patient with me...for those of you that read my work and want to see more. Much love to those who like my work, and also to all the other poets up here.

I'll give you some tentative titles in the meantime to look for.

-(untitled as of now)
-Ms. Self-Destruct Ms. Macabre (to avoid copyright issues with NIN's song Mr. Self-Destruct and whatnot...just to be safe.)
-Dirt

Thank you all, once again.

- blackhaert

EDIT: Change of title to the second one.

Lucy Lu
June 18th, 2006, 04:03 PM
Aww...sorry to hear about your computer. I will wait til you get it back and have it to work well. ^^ No rush.

Those are pretty good titles you got though.

Merzbau
July 6th, 2006, 07:29 PM
My computer is officially back up and running. By the end of next week, I will have something new to show you all. Possibly tonight. I've had creative backup, so I should be able to spill something onto the page. Thanks for being patient. I can't wait to get a few of these done.

Merzbau
July 16th, 2006, 06:10 PM
Well, I'm not real good with deadlines. I'll give you a big apology on this...sorry for being like...a week late. XD This one isn't new, but I've had writer's block. It's an older one that I never posted on here. Posted it on Mt. Moon though, so anyone that goes there and looks at my poetry thread has seen it already. Here it is.

Mary Sue Smith

Mary Sue Smith
Oh how I would like to be
Mary Sue Smith
She's the perfect girl to be
Mary Sue Smith

Heard that she knows
The best way to follow all the
Ignorant drones
The first rule is to always submit
Anything goes
Walk in line, and follow suit
Or stand all alone

Mary Sue Smith
Oh how I would like to be
Mary Sue Smith
She's the perfect girl to be
Mary Sue Smith

Not a chance, she's gotta be a
Heard that she shows
Every single flaw she has and
She doesn't know
Insecurities are showing
She's all alone
Constantly her struggles hitting
Closer to home
Of course, it's cool, she's gotta be a

Mary Sue Smith
Oh how I would like to be
Mary Sue Smith
She's the perfect girl to be
Mary Sue Smith

And she tries not to dive
Into her constant fight
With herself and her soul's
Want for her antidote
To her problems and pain
As they fall down like rain
She knows that she's not the same
No, she's not the same
She's not the same

I wanna be like them
I wanna be like them
I wanna be like them
I wanna be like them

Lucy Lu
July 19th, 2006, 09:18 PM
Oh wow...that is a good one. ^^ That could be a song. XD Well when you get by your writer's block, I will look foward of reading more of your poetry. ^^