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View Full Version : The Kiss - D.N.Angel(DaisukexRiku)


Katsu Koneko
April 23rd, 2006, 06:13 PM
The Kiss

Rated: PG

One-shot created on: October 23, 2005

One-shot finished on: October 23, 2005

Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own D.N.Angel and its characters, but I own six of the DVD's and some songs

A/N: Konichiwa fellow D.N.Angel otaku and Daisuke x Riku lovers. I'm new to the D.N.Angel fanfiction writing so please go easy on me. Then there's the matter of this being a school assignment and I promised a friend that the next story I write for my school would be a Daisuke x Riku fanfic and so yeah that's the story. Well enough of my yapping and boring you guys to death..onto the fanfic!

'Thoughts'

"Speaking"

-Scene Change-

Summary: What if Daisuke's crush wasn't Risa and what happened if he didn't meet Dark? One single kiss from two people
can answer that.

- Daisuke x Riku -

-

Crimson red irises glanced upon lively short rose colored hair. A sigh escaped his mouth in his reverie state. That rose hair, those chocolate brown alluring eyes, her amazing smile-the traits of an amazing woman. Well in his opinion anyway. His hand slowly reached out; wanting to touch her hair, but quickly withdrew when the girl looked at him. "Good morning Daisuke." She spoke in an angelic tone.

The male blushed lightly, a tinge of pink forming on his cheeks. "Um...good morning Riku." Just when he said this, she was led away by her twin sister: Risa. The boy sighed once again and strolled back to his desk in a sullen manner. 'I wonder if I'll ever be able to confront her without being nervous.' He asked himself mentally, but doubted it immediately.

His name is Daisuke Niwa, a fifteen year old boy who was known for his clumsiness around school. The youth was always nervous around his crush, but that was normal for male teens. The boy endured through a lot in his childhood, mainly his father leaving him and his mom until about a year ago. His mother and grandfather trained him for who knows what the reason was, probably for his health or just bulking him up. It was endurance runs this, endurance runs that, he often wondered about it, but dismissed it after a couple minutes.

He ran his hands through his short, spiky crimson red hair, wondering how he would approach her next time they meet. The youth had to be brazen, but he didn't know how. He was a demure kind of person, not a shamelessly bold one. Why did he have to be so shy and clumsy? Why couldn't he be prodigious like Riku? She was smart, athletic, it looked like there wasn't anything she couldn't do.

"Daisuke Niwa!"

The crimson haired boy stood up in a scrambled manner. "Yes ma'am?" He was surprised that class had started already.

"Please read from page fifty-two."

"Yes ma'am." The class quietly snickered at the boy's flushed face as he began to read.

-

"Man, that has got to be the most embarrassing moment of my life!" The teen complained in a flushed manner. School had just ended and Daisuke was relieved. It was also the start of the weekend so he wouldn't have to face his class until Monday. The youth stopped walking for a moment to look at the lofty trees and listen to the birds singing like a chorus. He felt relaxed and relieved, but it didn't last long when he saw /her/.

The wind blew softly as if setting the moment with the two teens. Daisuke's heart began to beat rapidly, once again he was nervous. A lump in his throat began to form and he was swallowed it. 'I need to be brave.' The young boy thought to himself as he slowly approached her. 'I need to be strong.'

The male tapped her on the shoulder, there was no turning back now. The young girl flinched at the tap; having being thrown out of her thoughts. She turned around and smiled at the boy in front of her. "Hello Daisuke, sorry about earlier. You know my sister, she loves to drag me all over the place."

"No problem." He replied back giving her a grin. "Um..Riku?"

"Yes Daisuke?"

The youth took a deep breath, hoping he could be articulate for once without stuttering. "Well I.." He blushed, there goes his shot at being articulate. "Riku..I...I love you!" There he said it! Now what? The youth glanced away, eluding her eyes. He was gonna be rejected, he knew it.

Though something unexpected happened.

He turned back to face the rejection, though felt soft, gentle lips brush against his. The youth felt something, but before he could explore further, she drew back. By now, Daisuke looked like a tomato with crimson leaves. The girl chuckled at this and beamed. "I love you too, Daisuke Niwa."

Owari - The End

A/N: Well what do you guys think? I would have written more, but my mind decided not to focus on this story...I've been pretty occupied with another fanfic though it's not in the D.N.Angel category. Well that's it for now. Until the next time I write a fanfic! Sayonara!

Gohan
May 14th, 2006, 03:29 PM
You.Have.To.Join.The.DNAngel.Fan.Club.

Annnnyway, I liked this. But mostly because it was DNAngel themed. I saw a few gramatical errors, but nothing too serious. Just a few commas and blah, that's all.

~Ozy~
May 14th, 2006, 03:55 PM
I don't know much (read: nothing) about D.N.Angel, so there is that interfering with my enjoyment of the story, but...

From a sheerly editorial/critical standpoint, the story has problems. The main thin I noticed is that you're very awkward and formal in your language and dialogue. With dialogue especially, that's a big no-no. If your character is speaking, read the sentence/speech/whatever aloud. Does it sound natural? Is it something you or your friend would say? Obviously this doesn't apply in every genre, but for the most part it does. there should be a marked difference between dialogue and narration.

As Gohan pointed out, a few grammatical things. Perhaps typose, perhaps not, but always go over it yourself and have someone else go over it to catch as many errors as possible.

Finally, the story itself is not intriguing. You have to give the reader a reason to read. Even when writing fanfiction, you should try to give people not interested/initiated in the fandom a hook, a reason to keep reading. In this, however, I could switch the names around a little to make it applicable to any other fandom. Your characters are one-dimensional and the story is unremarkable in its language and plot.

Katsu Koneko
May 15th, 2006, 05:45 PM
@Gohan - Thanks, I'll join right away. xD

@~Ozy~ - I'm sorry that you feel that way, but I didn't want to drag on with the story since it was a school assignment..just a page. x.x