PDA

View Full Version : Wars


fallen_angel
April 25th, 2006, 02:18 PM
Hey this is a poem I just all of a sudden thought of in class. Hope you like it!

Wars and battles are pain,
they are losses, no wins.
But we have them,
all the time.

Some say we cannot help it,
I say we could try.
Some say its no use,
I ask them why?

Children and battle cries,
burning fields and smoky skies.
Those are what wars bring,
destruction and tragic loss.

Going on everyday,
ceasing slightly, but never ending.
A little war may seem insignificent,but
may bring a lifetime of pain and suffering.

I know this doesn't have a really good rhythm. Sorry!

phantom_zangetsu
April 25th, 2006, 06:51 PM
oh that okay...but the poem was really good! haha! im the first one to post! must be my lucky day! xD....

your poem has some sad emotions and a few happy ones...still very nice once again...i still dont know when ill be making another poem though! sorry! X3

Persona
April 25th, 2006, 07:02 PM
ahem... i liked your last two verses a lot, its good that you pointed out that it doesn't have the best rhythm, otherwise i could've counted that as you having to work on it better xD

overall, i'd say you did pretty good. not your best but still good ^^

Greta
April 26th, 2006, 03:45 AM
~Hmm, definitely not your best, but, you pointed out a lot of things, so that's always a plus ^^. However, you could have worked on the rhythm a bit more, it's obvious.

fallen_angel
April 26th, 2006, 04:37 AM
Thanks yep the rhythm isn't good. My next poem i'll try to make it better. ^_^ I hope you'll read it and see if it improved when I do. XD

MegaFuz
April 26th, 2006, 11:08 AM
Not bad. The war seeming insignificant phrase bothers me though. :\ No war is ever insignificant. Like you pointed out, the rhythm needs work, but I really like a few phrases in there. XD

Midori Chi
April 26th, 2006, 02:33 PM
The rhythm was indeed a little off. 0_0

Though I really liked it! XD
The way you show your emotions through writing is wondermous. XP

fallen_angel
April 27th, 2006, 05:10 AM
hehe thanks. I appreciate it. ^_^

Emma
April 27th, 2006, 09:03 AM
It's quite good, But all you need is a rythem to it as you explained and which the others did XD Some bits had a bit of rythem, But others didn't.

Nice poem anyhow :D

JX Valentine
April 27th, 2006, 12:09 PM
I certainly like your message of the pointlessness of war. However, yes, the rhythm seemed just a bit off, and I'm not sure whether or not you intended on having a rhyme scheme or free verse.

Also, with the second line, is "they" referring to wars and battles (meaning you meant "not" after the comma) or is that supposed to be "there"? Or is that all intentional? ._.

But those bits aside, it's not bad. Certainly something that should be thought about, especially with the lines, "Some say we cannot help it, / I say we could try. / Some say it's no use, / I ask them why?" Best lines in the poem, I think.

fallen_angel
April 28th, 2006, 05:00 AM
Ehhh..........I have no idea. -_-' And yep I agree that that line is the best. ^_^ Thanks for the comments.