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Kaeru_ike
May 1st, 2006, 5:08 AM
The wind is getting weaker
The leaves is running away
The cold is now a seeker
And heat just got its say

The birds have started their singing
The audience is me
For me the song is music
And i just wanna see

fallen_angel
May 2nd, 2006, 4:49 AM
Its really good. To bad its so short. XD

phantom_zangetsu
May 2nd, 2006, 4:51 AM
hmm....nice poem although like what fallen said, its too short....although i like your topic: music...haha!

keep it up!

oni flygon
May 2nd, 2006, 4:25 PM
The leaves are running away
The cold is now a seeker
And heat just got its say

Clarity for this one because it sounds really awkard or it just doesn't make sense.

The birds have started their singing
The audience is me
For me the song is music
And i just wanna see
Quite redundant since singing is attributed to music. You can't really sing and out comes some other form of sound. The last line is awkard.


Some grammatical errors and clarity is needed. The lines sound very awkward since the sound like you just picked the rhymes and built some sort of sentence to shove the words in.

Otherwise, it's an okay poem.