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code zerro the deluge
May 8th, 2006, 01:49 PM
LALALLALAL so so funny
My new jam call me the Easter Bunny
I will ickle you in your tummy
I think I am a dumby heheheheh

Yes hehe
To be so young and nieve
I live so freaking care free
I cherish
Cherish like lettuce
Workin at the store
Or at a lair
I don't really care
Just get off your heat
Make energy and heat
Like lalalalalalaLA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LALALLALAL so so funny
My new jam call me the Easter Bunny
I will ickle you in your tummy
I think I am a dumby heheheheh

Yes I made me pop a wheelly
You can call me silly
Jed and Fred and Billy
So so freaky so so nilly
Sally and me
Climbing up a tree
You don't know me know
Stupid fool
Don't you know I rule?

LALALLALAL so so funny
My new jam call me the Easter Bunny
I will ickle you in your tummy
I think I am a dumby heheheheh

Amy-chan
May 8th, 2006, 04:08 PM
Please forgive me for what I am about to say...

All the poems I've seen you post on these boards are...well...pretty random and stream-of-consciousness. They always seem to have typos, which would be excusable if they weren't so numerous. You say this is your style, but it irks me. The poems give no distinguishable emotions to the reader, either, except perhaps utter confusion. In addition, your imagery is rather ineffective, if it works at all. Reading this, it seems more of a spammy post or an incorrectly-typed rap song.

I'm sorry if this seems a harsh comment, but I'm just trying to help. Please don't get discouraged. Read some poems by other writers around here if you want some examples of professionally-done poetry(I'd recommend checking out the threads of either ~Ozy~, Nagoyaka Aikouka, or both). Don't give up. You can become a great writer if you simply practice.

Marceline
May 8th, 2006, 05:16 PM
Okay. .___.

Um, well, it was nice and all. But seriously, what is the whole point of this poem? Is it about Easter Bunnies, or about being wierd? ._.

Erm, aside from that is was an excellent poem. Good for a first try. ^_^

pink-tiger
May 8th, 2006, 06:13 PM
Its funny...I've never seen you write these type of poems..its good..>,<
It makes you looke really silly though hehehe^^

code zerro the deluge
May 9th, 2006, 03:20 AM
it was about me being retarded. I am the Easter Bunny in the song. following these kids around laughing at them. Also this isn't my first song Marcelin

Marceline
May 9th, 2006, 11:27 AM
Oh, it isn't? ._.

Hehehe.

Btw, "Neive" is properly spelled "Naive." I caught that in your . . . poem, or song.