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Who knows
May 25th, 2006, 03:29 AM
okay guys this my secon fan-fic i hope you like it

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THE DREAM






INTRODUCTION



A boy named Rex was talented pokemon trainer. He had already won
The Hoenn league. Everyone thought that he would be the best pokemon master ever but his destiny had some other plans.




CHEAPTER 1:- A FALLEN DREAM



Rex had come back to his home in Littleroot town. He was planning to stay with his parents for a few days and after that he was thinking that
He will now go to Kanto region. He wanted to also start with a new Journey so he was wanted to start his new Journey with the last pokemon he caught.


‘Mom, I have dreamed to be the pokemon master in the world.’ Said Rex with cheerful face

‘So my son wants to be pokemon master just like his dad.’ Said Mom I am relay proud of my son.


‘Yes, but I wan to start my journey with my Bagon
I want to begin my journey from the start.’ Said Rex


Mom gave the permission. Than Rex went to his room and he took his Pokemon and some empty poke-balls. He was excited to go to Kanto region. His mom had already bought the ticket for the boat ride to
Kanto.




‘Rex, go and become a pokemon master and fulfill our dreams, that’s only thing I want from you’ said mom with some tears of happiness.

Rex nodded yes I promise mom I will.
Suddenly there was knock on the door.

‘I think dad has come.’ Said Rex

Rex was right it was his dad.

‘Ok, Rex I am preparing until then do whatever you like because tomorrow you are going to kanto.’ Said mom

‘Okay, than I’ll be just outside of the house.’ Said Rex

Rex went outside and saw the sunlight fading slowly and the darkness was increasing slowly. Rex thought about tomorrow until he heard a sound of huge explosion. Rex turned back but at time something hit
On his head and he fainted.


Rex tried to open his eyes but he could only see darkness around.

‘Please, turn on the lights.’ Said Rex

‘The lights … the lights are already turned on.’ Said an unfamiliar voice

‘Than why can’t I see anything…no…no, this can’t be your telling me that I have lost energy too see?’ Said Rex

Rex Heart slowly pumping it looked like the time had been frozen as, he waited for the answer.

‘Yes, you are blind…*sniff*’ said the person

‘How… where are my parents…what happened to them??’ said Rex with sad voice

‘They have died…there was gas leak in your home.’ Said the person

‘My parents have died!! We were so happy *sniff*’ said Rex ‘Who are
You??’ asked Rex

‘I found you fainted near your house so I took you to the hospital.’ Said the person

‘What is your name?’ asked Rex

‘My name is Tyson.’ Said Tyson


Rex stays silent for some moments. He try’s to see the light but no avail. Suddenly, He remembers his mother’s last words. He remembered that his mother wanted him to be a pokemon master. He thought that he won’t be able to complete his promise. But some how his heart told that he could fulfill his promise if he tried hard enough.


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I hope you will enjoy it.

Kijuna
May 25th, 2006, 10:20 AM
This is really more suited to be a prologue, describe more, and get an editor. The concept's interesting, but it needs more to back that up.

Who knows
May 26th, 2006, 04:05 AM
hey i had write a small chapter because i wanted your opninon about so i wrote a small
chapter.Now that i know some of you like it i will write more
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Okay guys i am aoviding doble postin by editing this post, this is the chapter 2
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CHAPTER 2:- A HOPE LOST




As Rex Thought about his dream to be lost forever, but his heart did not let him lose his hope.


Can I do it?? But no blind man was able to do it?? But I should no give up without even trying Rex Thought.


‘Tyson…I will be going to kanto for the indigo league, Tomorrow morning.’ Said Rex


‘You want to go…to Kanto?!!! No blind man has even taken part in the event.’ Said Tyson

‘There is always a first time. I can’t just give up without even trying, can I?’ Asked Rex

‘No…okay I will grant you to go to kanto but at one condition…let me come with you.’ Said Tyson


‘Sure…A blind man will always need some one to guide them.’ Said Rex


Rex suddenly remembers that he put his poke-balls and pokedex into his pocket. He tries to search his pocket. And there was smile on his face. That showed he was thinking positive even at hard time like this.


At least I got one pokemon and some poke-balls thought Rex



As the sun was on the rise both Tyson and Rex left the hospital.


‘Rex, be careful there is stone over there on your right.’ Said Rex ‘Hey be careful there is hole up had.’

‘Tyson, You know how to guide a blind man.’ Said Rex

There was sweet gentle smile on Tyson face. After several minutes Rex Asked

‘Are we there yet?’

‘We are just there…Wow the sun is rising it rays are lighting of the sky. The ocean looks so beautiful.’ Said Tyson

Rex suddenly remembers that he used to come here before he began his journey. He woke early every morning to see the sun rising.

I have fallen hard this time Rex thought.



As they were walking towards the sea –port, they saw there boat it could really told because it was huge it had just about everything on board, Swimming pull, shops, restaurant etc. the weather was nice no clouds in the sky, the ocean seem to be quite.

‘We have arrived to the ship.’ Said Tyson

‘A Ship, But I have no money to go on board a ship I have ticket to a small fairy boat.’ Said Rex

‘I know it could be quite costly here, if my dad did not owe the ship that is.’ Said Rex

My journey is going to be full of surprises Rex thought with a smile on his face


‘Oh, Dad you have come to greet us.’ Said Tyson

‘So this is your friend, who thinks he could do the impossible.’ Said Tyson’s Dad




‘I could do it.’ Said Rex

So Rex and Tyson climb on board, Tyson was taking Rex to his room. The Ship started to sailing towards Kanto. Suddenly, they heard a voice


‘Oh, Here you are Rex…remember me.’

‘It is …It is you Max.’ said Rex

Rex Memory flashbacks he remembered that at Hoenn league he had beaten him top 8 competition, since than he has become Rex arch rival.


‘So I heard you are now a blind man.’ Said Max

‘I maybe blind but I am going to take part in indigo league.’ Said Rex

‘You are an idiot; you can’t beat any body without seeing his moves.’ Said Max

‘I will give you challenge right now…’Said Rex

‘I accept your challenge…I will take you out in one move.’ Said Max

‘Bagon, I choose you.’ Said Rex

‘Then I choose you dragonair.’ Said Max


‘Dragonair use hyper beam.’ Said Max

Suddenly, Rex realizes that the hyper beam will knock out his Bagon. He than knew he also didn’t knew where was Dragonnair.

‘Dodge, Bagon.’ Said Rex

But bagon did not know which direction to dodge. He just waited for Rex to tell the location to dodge, but the time ran out and the hyper beam hit his bagon. Bagon was knock out

‘Bagon were able to dodge??’ asked Rex

‘How can your new pokemon with out training and specify order, I told you will lose…Go back hoenn Rex you just can’t win.’ Said Max

‘Come back Bagon.’ Said Rex who fell on the ground
How could I lose? Maybe max is right I just can’t win the indigo league…I should just go back home thought Rex


‘Rex, don’t be sad.’ Said Tyson

‘I don’t want to talk about it, I want to get back hoenn as fast as I could, and I was an idiot who thought that could win indigo league.’ Said Rex with Said Rex with a sad voice

‘You just lost one battle how can you lose hope this early.’ Said Tyson

‘I don’t want to talk about it.’ Said Rex


Rex never lost battle when he was not blind and Max was one of the easiest rivals for him. He was very sad that he was beaten in one move.


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I hope you like it.

Who knows
May 27th, 2006, 01:26 AM
CHAPTER 3: A HOPE REGAIN





Rex was sad. He had lost all his hope. He wanted to get back to hoenn fast as he could, but they were at the docks In Kanto. They had to spend the night at pokemon center. The next ship was going to arrive at tomorrow morning.


As they put their first step on the dock, Tyson was amazed of the beauty of kanto. There was snow everywhere. The weather was quite nice. Tyson felt he was in heaven. Rex could feel the cold he also imagine that weather was quite good.


They were moving towards viridian city. They had to walk through viridian forest to reach the pokemon center.


“Ah! Finally, the forest is going to be finished.” Tyson whispered

“Good, let’s move fast.” Rex replied


Suddenly, Rex slipped and he fell on a thin layer of snow which covered a Pit.


“Tyson, where are you?” asked Rex

“Rex, you fell in the Pit… the Pit to much deeper I’ll bring some help.” Tyson said with a fear in his voice

‘Today is not my day at all’ Rex Thought


The Pit was deep; it was quite warm down there. The Pit was quite like a tunnel which leads to very small cave. There was sound of water
Hitting the ground and making noise. It looked like ice was melting very
Slowly.


“So an anther one fell in this Pit” A man whispered

Rex was quite amaze that some one was also down there

“Who are you?” Rex asked

“I am Professor Kant… I fell down in the Pit;” Kant Asked “You look like blind…What you are doing in Kanto??’

“My name is Rex. I was here for the indigo league but now I am going back to hoenn.” Rex
Replied With sad voice

“You have lost hope haven’t you; look you can’t win any battles easily as you could win with your eyes…but winning without seeing is the challenge.”


“I can’t…I just can’t do it.”

“You ears are your eyes…you have to concentrate…you could it if you really try.”

“I just lost a battle in a one move…My bagon just lost in one move!!!”


“Your bagon has a dream of growing wings…don’t you have dream of archiving your goals…or soaring the skies…don’t you have dreams.”

“I have…but I don’t believe my self.”

“Enough is enough…I challenge you right now”

“Then I’ll try … bagon I choose you.”

The battle had now begun. The professor had chosen a pokemon who had horn, wings, it was a bug type…it was heracross.

“Hearcross use brick brake.”
The bug type pokemon use its hand to chop bagon in half but some how bagon survived


“Bagon use headbutt.”

But bagon did not move
“Rex, use your ears. Concentrate.”

Rex tries to concentrate. He uses every power in his power in his body to just here any sound. Suddenly he hears the sound of heracross. It was coming from the up right position

“Bagon use headbutt on the up right direction and take out heracross.”

Bagon head was like rock it hit heracross so hard it took it out in one –hit.

“I think…I’ve done it.”

“Yes, you have done it…but remember always believe your self and if lose try harder next time.”

“I will professor.” Rex said with a new confidence in his self

Suddenly Rex hears a voice

“Rex, hang in there…I’ve brought some help.” Tyson yield

“Hey before you go; Rex please take my pokemon heracross with you.” Kant said


After taking the poke balls Rex asked

“Aren’t you coming??”

“Remember I am always with you.” Kant said


Officer jenny climbs down the Pit with a rope

“Common, let me get you out of this Pit.” Jenny said with a cheerful tone

“Wait, there still one person; professor Kant is down here.” Rex said

“What!! Professor Kant had died 1 year ago; we found his body here.” Jenny whispered


‘How can that be possible? Than who was that man’ Rex thought

“He devoted his life for blind men, His one dream remained unfulfilled; He dreamed that even blind men can be pokemon masters, Ok let’s get
Moving.” Jenny said

After climbing out of the pit; Rex met Tyson and Tyson said

“Common, let’s go to a pokemon center; we got to catch a ship tomorrow”

“No way, I am not going anywhere with out taking part in the indigo league.” Rex with a positive tone

Tyson was surprised

‘How Rex Mind changed’ Tyson thought

‘Thanks professor; you have not just given your pokemon…you have also given me Hope.’ Rex thought

After that Rex feels that his hope is not lost and he will fulfill his dream.





Ok guys I know my description is not that good but I’ll try my best to improve it and I have given some of sentence no tag because ‘said’ tag is
Quite boring. I am also planning to use this tag system in future
At last I will love u r reviews.

Kijuna
May 27th, 2006, 11:23 AM
Since you're working on description, maybe you should revise your chapters seven or eight times, adding a little more each time. Good chapters take a long time to write.

This sort of goes with desciption, but you need to develop ideas more. I don't know if your character is just supposed to be determined, but that one or two sentences of angsting wasn't enough. Simalarly, if someone's depressed and giving up, he doesn't just do something he's discouraged about just because he's asked. Inner monologue is very important in this case.

And I stress this again, get an editor.

Who knows
May 29th, 2006, 07:23 AM
CHAPTER 4: REST





Rex and Tyson were now decisive to move towards the viridian city.
After some time Tyson saw something and said

“At last we have arrived viridian city “Tyson jump with joy

The city had been renovated entirely; there were new shops, a huge super market, and a renovated pokemon center. The city had everything
You needed. Also, the roads have been reconstructed and the city’s major
Buildings except houses were panted in pink. So the city was also recognized as “The Pink City”.

When Rex and Tyson entered the city they were blown away by the noises. It was already night time still, there were sound Rock music from a discotheque, and all shops were open and neon based boards were all over the place. There was also lot of traffic on the road. Lot’s people were on road. Some going to the discotheque, some were having great scrumptious food. Anyway, everybody were enjoying there lives one way or another.


All of a sudden Tyson remembers that he came to viridian city in his last summer vacation. That time he faced lot of troubles here.




“Dad,” Tyson Said impatiently “I hate this place; we could go to somewhere else, this place is quite boring.”

“Why you don’t like this place?” Dad asked

“This place has nothing; no discotheque, no good restaurant, no swimming pull, Arrgh… This place has nothing.”



“We are here to have some tranquility, son”


‘Time has really changed. At that time I sought to have some fun, But now I want some stillness *sigh*’ Tyson thought


Out of the blue Tyson heard some noise near him.


“He…he, Tyson I am hungry “

Tyson realize that even he was starving. It had a glass doors, Pink panted walls outside. Inside ramparts were panted in red, the restaurant was not that large but it was mid size. It was quite crowded, and its burgers were so famous people came from pewter city to eat it.



After Tyson and Rex entered they went to a round table. They both ordered some burgers. Rex ate all the burgers like a hungry dog that hasn’t eaten for some days. Tyson just keep looking Rex that how fast he finished four burgers


‘Rex could even eat a truck full of burgers right now.’ Tyson thought


After finishing there dinner, both of them went to the Pokemon center
It was right across the street of the eatery. There was also a super market near the pokemon center.


Both of them entered the pokemon center. Tyson was bewildered just after a quick look around the pokemon center. It was not a like
Run of the mill pokemon center. It contained some up-to-the-minute Gadgets to heal a pokemon. Still, there was a nurse joy in the pokemon center. This new pokemon center was the largest pokemon center till date.

Tyson took Rex to the counter

“Nurse Joy, Can you please heal my pokemon?” Rex asked

“Of course” Joy stated

After giving their pokemon, both of them went into there room. It had two beds, a drawer, a wardrobe and a mirror. The walls were panted in red and it had some nice paintings on the wall to create a nice effect. After Tyson put down his beg both of them were tiered, so they went to sleep


When they were sleeping Rex was dreaming something:




“Where am I?” Rex asked

He looks around the green walls, the drawer in the room. Rex recognize
It is his room. He rush down the stairs, He than goes into the kitchen
He finds two people there. One has black-hair, black-eyes with little mark on his cheeks; His skin has the perfect mixture of black and white He has a smile on his face his wearing green shirt and blue jeans. He looks like a determined, a strong and a happy person.
The other one has long dyed brown hair, Blue eyes, and red cheeks
She also looks happy from the face, her lips are smiling. She is wearing her cooking dress.


Rex identifies those people. They were rex’s parents, Rex Smiles by looking them.

All of sudden the mother tries to use the lighter. Rex remembered the
Catastrophe.

“No, mom don’t use the lighter.” Rex cried

But they don’t listen and the explosion happens.




Rex wakes off, He was really freighted by the nightmare, and He was sweating. Rex tries to look for the light but his efforts fails. He than
Tries to get off the bed but his legs twists and he falls down on the ground.



Tyson wakes of by the din. He sees Rex was crying on he ground.

“What is wrong Rex?” Tyson asked

“I want this darkness to go away…I want to see the light once again.” Rex cried

“You can’t…you don’t have ability to do that.” Tyson said with tears in his eyes


“I want to see the moon in sky, I want to see the flowers that everybody likes…I want to see the mountains, the oceans, I want to…”


“Don’t get upset Rex.”

“I think I deserve this, I could not save my parents; I have failed them.”

“Why do you think like this, Rex? You can’t do everything. I think you need some rest.”


Rex nodded but he was really hurt by that nightmare



As the darkness pass out, the sun was spreading the light. Rex and Tyson both had shower and went for a breakfast. After eating some
Boil eggs, both them went for shopping in the super market.

“We should be going to Pewter Gym today” Rex exclaimed

“We will go there after I buy some things.” Tyson said

The weather was quite nice outside. The sun was shining in the blue, No clouds. Pidgy were singing there own song on the tree. The weather was
Quite pleasant. Happiness was everywhere, it was a sunny day. The
Fearow soar the skies. The moment gave both Rex and Tyson some
Tranquility.




When they entered the super market Tyson was stunned. The super market had everything for sale. They were divided in departments.
Each department had its own goods. There were departments on
Cloths, Games, Poke-balls etc.

Tyson wanted to buy lot of things from here for himself and his friend Rex.

“Rex, I thing I need to buy something for you and me, specially cloths” Tyson stated

“I hate cloths” Rex muttered




After sometime Tyson came with some cloths, glasses caps etc.
Both went to the pokemon center to try there new cloths.

After reaching the pokemon center Rex first change his cloths.
Rex had black-hair; he had a hat on top of it, black-eyes that
Were severely damaged in the explosion he wore glasses on it,
Red cheeks, a smile on his lips, He was wearing green shirt; He
Had blind man stick on his hand he had also had a belt on his vest, blue jeans and black shoes. While it showed that he was happy outside but he was really depressed by the accident, he had somehow control his Depression with his strong belief on himself.


“You look very good in this cloths, But not as good as me.” Tyson said


After that Tyson went in inside the room to change his cloths

Tyson had black hair, green eyes, white shirt, black jeans; black
Gloves in his hand, Red sport shoes on his leg, and had red lips.
Tyson was happy from his expression; he consider rex to be his best
Friend.


Rex realized that Tyson was his good friend. Rex had now known that life is not over with out his eyes and he was eager for the gym battle.

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Ok guys this time i have tried add much decription i could, Reviews would be also nice

Kijuna
May 29th, 2006, 12:21 PM
Viridian is actually a dark green color, and it's a bit hard to believe that all those changes could take place over only a year.


All of a sudden Tyson remembers that he came to viridian city in his last summer vacation. That time he faced lot of troubles here.




“Dad,” Tyson Said impatiently “I hate this place; we could go to somewhere else, this place is quite boring.”


Sperate flashbacks with some kind of boarder, like ***

When you have a paragraph, don't use enter inside that paragraph. It looks really weird. Just let the letters drop where they fall; the board does an excellent job of formatting.

You are improving, but the descriptions feel like more of an afterthought at times, and they're a bit boring.

Go a bit more into why Rex hates clothes shopping. I mean, it's obvious why, but that's a good way to develop him a bit more.

I stress this again, get an editor or revise it yourself, because I see a lot of simple errors that could be easily avoided.