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Midori Chi
May 26th, 2006, 06:36 AM
I haven't posted a poem in here for a while. ^_^'
And so, here's a poem I wanted to post:

Just last night...

Just last night, I thought of you.
Precious memories. The sky was blue.
A summer's day, so very true.
Just last night, I thought of you.

The sun was bright, the sky was clear.
Not any rain, nor a tear.
You came over. We played and played.
I hope those memories will never fade.

Just last night, I thought of you.
Precious memories. The sky was blue.
A summer's day, so very true.
Just last night, I thought of you.

And then that night, I came to you.
The sky was dark. So very true.
There were lots of stars, and even the moon.
It was late, no longer noon.
We layed in the grass, and looked at the sky.
We talked and laughed. It's not a lie.
And I gazed at the sky, then smiled at you.
You smiled back, I'm sure it's true.

Just last night, I thought of you.
Precious memories. The sky was blue.
A summer's day, so very true.
Just last night, I thought of you.

And then it was late. I had to go home.
I took those memories with me, yes all the way home.
I went to my room and I smiled and dreamed.
That summer's day...

Just last night, I thought of you.
Precious memories. The sky was blue.
A summer's day, so very true.
Just last night, I thought of you.

Razer302
May 26th, 2006, 06:40 AM
thats great i like that alot and i never normally like any peotry but that was great

Kyoko
May 26th, 2006, 08:44 AM
Very well done chi chi ^______^ it was a super cute poem!

Midori Chi
May 26th, 2006, 09:41 AM
Thanks! ^_^
So is there anything wrong with it? 0.0

Kyoko
May 26th, 2006, 10:39 AM
Well, I'm not a grammer expert but I do think you have some uneeded commas in the poem though (than again I'm not too sure) like in the beggining when you said Just last night, I though of you

you didn't need the comma there, it would have been alright with out it^^

Does that help at all O__O

Midori Chi
May 26th, 2006, 11:20 AM
Yup. It helps. ^_^
Thanks.

Sumomo & Kotoko
May 26th, 2006, 10:16 PM
****, your a great writer.

I know exactly what you're talking about in this poem (I shoud know, I was there), and to see it turned into a poem is awesome!! :)

I have to go, work in the morning.

pink-tiger
May 27th, 2006, 12:20 PM
Yes I know to.....T_T
ahh It was awsome midori..!!!^^

Kalylia
May 28th, 2006, 05:20 AM
A nice poem, though a little contradictory at times. You set up a nice rhythm and rhyme scheme, but then you didn't keep to it. One of your stanzas was twice as long as the others, and occasionally, a line got too long for your flow. That, and you rhymed "home" with "home". If worse comes to worst, use a slant rhyme before rhyming a word with the same word, especially if your writing your poetry using couplets, like you were. It just makes the lack of a rhyme not jump out at you so suddenly.

But the emotions you were trying to portray came through very clearly, and that was good. Keep writing and keep posting. You'll keep improving.

Keep up the good work.

Midori Chi
May 28th, 2006, 05:35 PM
Thanks. ^_^

Nagoyaka Aikouka: Yeah, I had a feeling someone would say that. XD
In Reading class, we learned about different kinds of poetry and I wanted to try and use some of the new skills I learned in it. ^_^

Abolishing Flames
May 29th, 2006, 10:01 PM
This is a great standard poem, although some certain lines sound awkward. Very nostalgic to me as I love the summer and summer love. You made me remember some great memories and I give you kudos for that... ^___^

iwoulddieforpikachu!
May 30th, 2006, 10:27 AM
edit by Lily for post content.

Lily
May 31st, 2006, 06:42 PM
iwoulddieforpikachu!, either comment on Midori Chi's poem or don't post at all...I'm going to edit it out. Please refrain from making such irrelevant, inappropriate posts. ^^;

Midori Chi
June 2nd, 2006, 05:45 PM
Thanks Abolishing Flames. ^_^

Eh? Thank you Lily. ^_^