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code zerro the deluge
June 3rd, 2006, 04:43 PM
Ok so every body's hating
People compasating
They say that I'm this
They say that I'm that
But all of it's fiction none of it's facts
Now do a little a math


Ok so they say that they heard
That I'm am bad all I do is curse
Vocabulary wack
Talks a lot of smack
All he is is a hack
Well they all hatin
Just compasating
They are just blown
So

Ok so every body's hating
People compasating
They say that I'm this
They say that I'm that
But all of it's fiction none of it's facts
Now do a little a math


Well they try to shut me down
Tried to take da crown
Took and locked my song and stuff away
I tried to talk and say heh
They say that I'm this they say that I'm that
But all of it's fiction none of it's facts


Ok so every body's hating
People compasating
They say that I'm this
They say that I'm that
But all of it's fiction none of it's facts
Now do a little a math


Though I hang out in the streets
I could kill in a week
But my heart is pure I am meak
Girls call me the freak
But they just hating
And compasatin
Mad I ain't with them
Who cares beside I think they aren't but him

Ok so every body's hating
People compasating
They say that I'm this
They say that I'm that
But all of it's fiction none of it's facts
Now do a little a math

Abolishing Flames
June 3rd, 2006, 05:52 PM
This is a rap, I assume.

Since some people say that rap is poetry, I might as well treat this one as poetry. What bothers me the most is when you repeat the refrain. It makes the piece boring and redundant and I just get bored as I read down. Moreover, you have a lot of spelling errors and especially rhymes that are just made up just to make it sound so. If you're trying to say a hidden message and bashing someone at the same time (which I noticed in most of your poems), it gets really, really old. Overall, just try to improve the structure of your poem. Oh and especially the content. I dislike poems that sacrifice content for the sake of rhyming.

Kyosuke
June 5th, 2006, 11:42 AM
Ugh.. let's not try and get into some debate if some rap is considered poetry or not..

Your poem does rhyme and has somewhat of a consistant flow.. I'm still very unsure if your "sampling" again like you did before, and with some of the things your writing about, like with people taking your "crown" and such, its very questionable I have to admit... but it could be all of what you did I'm not sure.

code zerro the deluge
June 6th, 2006, 06:18 AM
well in terms of how people put it anything with crown is mine. U people make me seem like an injustice to the freaking society.

Kyosuke
June 6th, 2006, 01:49 PM
We don't try and make you seem like anything.. but when someone plagerises.. I hate to say it, but that pretty much screws them over anywhere they post.

But I don't want to get into a whole "thing" here, just saying..